New Year's Eve at The Toya's
by Arima-Go-Ko-Kun
Summary: Hikaru and Akira cross the fine-line they walk in their rocky relationship, the line between rivals and lovers. This story is complete, but I am uploading a continuation.
1. Prologue

**Summary**: Hikaru and Akira cross the fine-line they walk in their rocky relationship, the line between rivals and lovers.

**Disclaimer**: Hikaru no Go is written by Yumi Hotta and the animated series was created by Studio Pierrot. Please do not construe the writing of this fanfiction as a claim to ownership in any way.

**Back-story**: This story follows the events of the anime. Hikaru and Akira met when they were in 6th grade in Toya's salon, and so on. Hikaru is 18 and Akira is 17 when the story begins. They have both been pros for some time, but this story will not focus on their professional lives. It begins as Akira realizes what his feelings towards Hikaru mean, and he is desperate to be around him in a private setting. In order to see him, he devises a plan in which he schedules a game between the two, but it doesn't exactly go as planned…

**Prologue**

Toya Akira felt it, like a dim vibration at the entrance of the room. Though his back was to the door, there was no doubt that _he_ was there. He was probably looking around to find his seat, or his opponent. But then, Akira felt his eyes on him. He urged himself not to turn around and look, but he couldn't help it. He slowly craned his neck to lay eyes on Shindo Hikaru, who gave him a nervous smile and a slight wave of his left hand. Akira nodded to acknowledge him, quickly drinking in all the information about him that he could. Once he looked away, he would have no excuse to stare at Hikaru, and so he had to satisfy his curiosity now.

He was wearing faded flared jeans, a yellow long-sleeved shirt, and a black t-shirt with a circular name brand logo. It was one of three casual shirts that Hikaru wore that did not contain word 'GO' in some capacity. Due to his staring, Akira had come to recognize Shindo's clothing to an extent, even down to his gym shoes, of which he had a yellow pair, a white pair and a yellow and white pair. Yellow was undoubtedly Hikaru's favorite color, but Akira realized that he really didn't know that for a fact because he had never asked.

They were friends and had been for the past few years, but they were not close. They didn't call each other on whims or hang out with each other outside of work. They rarely interacted while they were at work due to their games taking up a majority of the time they spent together. They both had their own agendas and schedules to follow, Akira's more strenuous than Hikaru's. Hikaru at least had some free time, but he spent that time, Akira had discovered, with his three closest friends.

Some type of closeness would have been nice. Akira wanted to be better friends with Hikaru. He missed the meetings that they used to have after school at the salon that Akira's father owned. As high school courses drew to a close, Akira needed to spend that time studying to maintain his high marks, and he had graduated valedictorian. His family traveled for a month during the summer, and when he returned to Japan, Akira found himself without the ability to capture Hikaru's full attention for longer than a few awkward moments.

They were both, in some ways, avoiding one another because there was an issue there that neither was ready to address. However, Akira was sick of putting it off. He wanted to meet with Hikaru to play, or to talk; to spend time with one another in some way. He was lonely, and eager to continue his friendship with Hikaru especially now that Hikaru was an adult.

The games began shortly after Hikaru arrived. As he played, Akira formulated a plan in his mind to meet with Hikaru under circumstances that would be beneficial to both of them. He would ask Hikaru what evening he would be free, and then Akira would change his plans for that evening to suit Hikaru. It would be best if they played at Akira's house because Hikaru had visited him and his father, Toya Koyo, a few times before and he knew the routine. That and Hikaru had a car, so traveling would be easier for him than it would be for Akira.

At lunchtime, Akira's opponent quickly excused himself from the game and left the room. Akira stood slowly and looked over to Hikaru. He rose from the floor and paused to stretch. He was taller now than anyone thought he would be as an adult because he had spent most of his adolescent years looking up at everyone. He was now a few inches taller than Akira, with a proportionate length to his limbs. He was slender instead of stocky, and Akira found the litheness of his movements alluring. He used to be such a clumsy child, but he had grown into a handsome young man with much appeal. Akira stared at him as he stretched, feeling ashamed at how hard it was to look away. With the room emptying of colleagues who were looking forward to lunching, Akira doubted that anyone was paying him the slightest bit of attention, but as he looked away from Hikaru, he saw that one of Hikaru's closest three friends, Isumi Shinichiro, was watching him. He smiled at Akira shortly before he was joined by Waya Yoshitaka.

Isumi and Waya were a couple, and they did not hide nor flaunt the fact that they were in love. They lived their lives naturally, doing whatever either saw fit for whatever situation they found themselves in. Akira envied them for that, though he would never admit it. Waya was brash and spoke his mind much too often, so Akira didn't particularly like him. Isumi was quiet and studious and therefore similar to Akira, but his GO left much to the imagination. Therefore, Akira didn't find himself attempting to befriend him.

From the outside looking in, Hikaru wasn't the best candidate for friendship either, but over the years, Hikaru had grown on Akira in a way that no one else had. Hikaru was the only person with whom Akira had ever desired friendship with, and as time went on, he became the first and only person Akira had ever desired closeness with. More recently, Akira found himself drawn to Hikaru in a way that he had never felt for anyone before, male or female, even during adolescence. Hikaru had grown up, and it was only a matter of time before the urges and instincts that Akira had stifled behind his schoolwork and his profession came to light. However, Akira was sure that Hikaru would never reciprocate his feelings. Akira had no plans to try to _date_ him. He wanted friendship at this point more than anything, and he would try his hardest to make time to be around Hikaru, feeling that if given the opportunity, Hikaru would definitely jump at the chance to spend time with him.

* * *

He was coming over, Hikaru could sense it. He tried to settle his nerves, but they were working over time. He turned around slowly, his breath catching at the sight of Toya Akira as he shuffled closer to him between the GO-boards. Hikaru averted his eyes, unable to look into Akira's face without becoming short of breath. He scratched the back of his head, and looked up briefly as Akira called him.

"Shindo-kun?" When Akira stopped walking, Hikaru caught a whiff of his personal scent. Akira didn't wear cologne, but whatever he used when he showered usually stayed with him throughout the day. It was sweet-smelling, but mellow, and it mixed with Akira's natural scent nicely. Whenever Hikaru just happened to catch wind of it, it always made his stomach tighten with anxiety. Today was no exception and it caused him to wonder why Akira was approaching him all of a sudden.

"What?" Hikaru asked, most ungracefully. Akira smiled very faintly.

"Shindo-kun, would you like to play a game with me?"

"What?"

"GO," Akira said. "Would you like to join me for a game of GO?"

"Ri—right now?" Hikaru asked, feeling both startled and confused. Akira shook his head.

"Oh, no, I was hoping we could get together sometime this weekend. It's been so long since we've been able to play each other casually. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Yeah," Hikaru said. He rubbed his arm. He was unbelievably nervous. "So…this weekend, huh? Where?"

"Would you mind coming to my house?" Akira asked. Hikaru wanted to go over Akira's house as soon as yesterday. Preferably when he was alone, and not necessarily with a GO-ban. He nodded quickly.

"Yeah," he stammered.

"What day is good for you?"

"Sunday. I don't have anything to do on Sunday…"

"Great!" Akira breathed, beaming brightly. Hikaru managed a smile in return, though drinking in every one of Akira's features while Akira was smiling was almost more than he could handle. He suddenly had to go to the bathroom, but he tried to ignore that call of nature. He nodded again and pointed at the door.

"I'm gonna eat now," he said.

"Oh, don't let me keep you," Akira said. "Just quickly tell me, is eleven good for you?"

"Yeah," Hikaru said, though it was way too early in the morning. Akira smiled again, and Hikaru was glad that he agreed on eleven. He was even gladder that Akira had extended him the offer in the first place.

"I can't wait," Akira said, and there was a rawness of emotion in his voice and in his actions. Hikaru had to stare at him, because this side of Akira was somewhat new to him. He must have been really excited to play Hikaru. Hikaru wondered if he would be able to keep up the title holder's expectations.

* * *

Akira felt giddy with excitement. He couldn't stop smiling even after he left Hikaru's side. He hurried down the hall and into the bathroom where he splashed cold water onto his face. He worked his jaw a few times and slapped his cheeks. The urge to smile remained though he'd managed to stop smiling. He let out a heavy breath and shook his head. He was so happy that Hikaru had agreed. It had seemed that for a moment, he was going to say no, but he hadn't. Akira dried his face and left the bathroom in search of the communal dining area. Since it was already October and there was an unwavering chill to the air, Akira stayed indoors. Ever since vacationing in Europe, he'd grown to appreciate fresh air while eating, but it was just too chilly to do so now. Instead, he chose a remote spot in the back corner of the canteen to eat his lunch in peace, his face buried in a GO periodical to keep his attention off of Hikaru.

* * *

On Sunday, October 19th, Akira had gotten up bright and early. He went out to complete his 8 am teaching session with a high paying pupil a few miles from his house and returned home around 10:30. He had already straightened up the night before, and so he didn't have much else to do to prepare for Hikaru's visit other than to set out a tray of snacks that he kept chilled in the refrigerator and then to set the GO-ban out for use in his bedroom. They usually played in Toya Koyo's den, but Akira didn't want to bother his father's room when he was not home.

Akira settled at his desk to continue work on a personal project while he waited for Hikaru. He kept his room door open to listen for a phone call, but none came. Akira kept a close eye on the clock, his anticipation piquing at 11:00 on the dot. Time went on, and there was still no word from Hikaru. Akira urged himself to remain calm, convincing himself that Hikaru was rarely on time anywhere, and that he would arrive soon.

Ten minutes went by and Akira could no longer concentrate on his work. He got up and went out to the living room where he looked out the window to watch for Hikaru and/or his bright yellow car. Five minutes passed this way. Akira chewed on his bottom lip, contemplating calling Hikaru's home phone number, but it was possible that Hikaru was already on his way and therefore unable to receive and make calls. Akira's patience was slowly diminishing. 11:20 came and went, and then 11:25, 11:30 and so on.

At a quarter to noon, Toya Akiko came out of her bedroom and into the living room where she spotted her son sitting in an edgy perch on the couch. She walked towards him and leaned to see his expression better. Akira turned his head away slightly.

"Akira-san, what's wrong?"

"Oh…it's nothing, mother," Akira said.

"Well…why are you out here? Are you waiting for your father?"

"No… A phone call," Akira said. "A very important phone call. It's late coming, though."

"How late is it?"

"Almost an hour."

"Well, perhaps you should call the number and see whether or not it would be best to reschedule. Being made to wait isn't a productive use of time. You're better than this, Akira." Akira nodded and stood up. Akiko went into the kitchen and shut the double sliding doors, closing it off from the living room. Akira walked over to the wall phone, took the receiver off of the hook and cradled it between his shoulder and cheek. Fighting back his anger and tears at being stood up, he recalled Hikaru's home phone number from memory.

"Moshi, moshi," his mother said in an excitable voice. Akira's eyebrows furrowed slightly. "This is the Shindo residence."

"Hi, Shindo-san," Akira said. "My name is Toya Akira, I'm looking for Hikaru."

"Oh, right," Mrs. Shindo said. "How are things going for you, Toya-kun?" Akira was always startled at how cheerful and friendly Mrs. Shindo was.

"Just fine, Shindo-san, thank you."

"That's great. Wait just a moment. Hikaru's up in his room." Akira's brow furrowed even more. Mrs. Shindo put him on hold and about a minute later, Hikaru picked up.

"Hey, Toya…"

"Shindo…why are you at home? We were supposed to meet an hour ago."

"Oh… Uh…I forgot to tell you, uh…I had something come up and I couldn't make it." Akira had to consciously keep his jaw from dropping. Anger rose within him quickly; he paced to relieve some of his frustration.

"You're 'up in your room'," he said, using Mrs. Shindo's own words. "What could you be up to that's so important that you could not be here when you said you would be?"

"I'm getting ready for it," Hikaru said quickly. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I just can't make it. Maybe some other time."

"Some other time when?" Akira asked.

"I dunno, sometime after Halloween." Akira tried to keep himself from rolling his eyes. It hurt how unremorseful Hikaru was acting.

"Halloween is a more important appointment to keep than I am, is that what you're saying?" Akira asked.

"No, that's not it," Hikaru said. "I just won't have any free time until the 1st."

"Then we will meet on the 2nd. That's a Sunday, right?"

"Y—yeah…" Silence stretched.

"Shindo…why didn't you just call me and tell me?"

"I'm sorry, Toya."

"That's not an answer."

"I…I was too nervous… I…didn't wanna have to call you and say something like that."

"So instead, you make me sit here and wait for you all this time, wondering if you're going to call or show up? That is so rude, Shindo."

"I won't do it again, okay?"

"I hope you enjoy doing whatever you decided was more important than a game with me, Shindo." Hikaru didn't say anything. "Can you at least promise me that you'll meet me here at my house at the same time on the 2nd?"

"Can…can it be later?"

"What time?"

"Huh?"

"What time, what time do you have in mind, Shindo?" Akira rued the fact that he could not hide his impatience, but on the other hand, he felt had had to let Hikaru know what he was feeling.

"Oh, uh… Like, one."

"Write it down if you have to," Akira said. "I would like to be the only thing you schedule for that time, instead of being replaced with some other task and then not being told about it."

"I'll write it down," Hikaru said quickly. "I have to go… I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Fine," Akira said. Hikaru hung up. Akira set the receiver on the base and scowled at it. He didn't know what could be going through Hikaru's head, but he was determined not to let him forget how much he had hurt him.

* * *

"You lied…" Fujiwara-No-Sai, Hikaru's ghostly companion, a spirit hailing from the Heian-jidai, said solemnly, his eyes worried. "Why did you lie to Toya-kun? Don't you want to meet him?"

"Of course I do, Sai, what d'ya think?" Hikaru was back in his room after taking the phone call from Akira. He was sprawled on his bed feeling like absolute crap. Sai was seated at his GO-board watching him.

"Why didn't you just call him?"

"Because I just couldn't Sai. Stop pestering me."

"So you're going to spend this time sulking in bed instead of doing something productive? If you at least play with me, your lie won't be as bad."

"Leave me alone, Sai," Hikaru said slowly, his patience being thoroughly tested. "I don't wanna be bothered right now." There was a knock at the door. Hikaru lifted his head, then lowered it quickly, changing his mind about getting up to answer it. "What, ma?" Mrs. Shindo opened the door and poked her head into the room.

"What did Toya-kun want?" she asked.

"To ask something about work," Hikaru grumbled.

"Why have you been moping about all day?" Mrs. Shindo asked, coming into the room. "Why don't you meet one of your friends…? Is Toya free? You can go see him."

"Ma, I'm not in the mood right now," Hikaru said. "I just wanna lay here, okay? I worked hard all week, I just wanna chill right now." Mrs. Shindo sat next to him and rubbed his back.

"I heard you talking with him, Hikaru," she admitted. "If you want to see him, then why not just go?"

"Ma…" Hikaru complained.

"You run too much, Hikaru," Mrs. Shindo said. She leaned over and kissed his temple. "I love you."

"Hmph." Mrs. Shindo got up and left the room. Sai stood up and went over to the bed.

"So…no game, huh?" he asked.

"I wanna play with Toya…"

"Then get up and go over there." Hikaru grabbed a pillow and put it over his head. Sai sighed. Hikaru couldn't explain to anyone just yet why he was feeling the way that he was. He didn't want to complicate things, but he felt that they were changing outside of his control, and he didn't know what he could do to stop it.

* * *

After almost two weeks of catching grief from Akira, Hikaru was loathed to join Waya, Isumi and Mitani for their Halloween party. He'd barely had time to get his costume at the last minute the night before; he wasn't excited about what he'd found. Halloween morning, he'd had a game and lost it, as he had half the games he'd played since standing Akira up. It was hard to concentrate with Akira glaring at him whenever they faced each other, as well as it was hard to hear his disappointment and anger when Hikaru compiled loss after loss.

Hikaru didn't want Akira to lose faith in him. He wanted him to respect him. He decided to view their next meeting as a way to get Akira off of his back. No matter what, he couldn't refuse Akira. He had to show up and face him. After he did that, he wouldn't be nervous around him, and he would have proved that he wasn't a total flake. He couldn't allow the situation to continue to cause him to play as badly as it had been lately.

On his way out the door of the Institute, Akira caught up with him on the sloped sidewalk. Hikaru averted his eyes even after Akira tried to make eye contact with him.

"Shindo-kun…" he said.

"Yeah?"

"I…I think we should talk."

"About what?"

"About what's been going on with you lately… Why have you been…?"

"Look, I have a lot of things going on right now," Hikaru said. "I don't feel like talking about it, okay?" Hikaru started to walk away. Akira followed him, unfazed.

"Are we friends?" he asked.

"What kind of question is that?" Hikaru asked. "Of course we're friends."

"Then why…why are you so hesitant to talk to me?"

"Because I need some time, okay, Toya?"

"You…you can call me, Shindo…" Akira said. Hikaru pursed his lips in displeasure. He _had_ called Toya, probably more often than he should have. He was never home, or otherwise unavailable to take Hikaru's calls. Toya Akiko had started to sound annoyed with him, and so Hikaru stopped calling altogether.

"Yeah, I know…" Akira kept walking with him onto the next block.

"Are…are you busy tonight, Shindo?"

"Yeah."

"Is it with…Halloween?"

"Yeah."

"Could I… Could I join you?" Hikaru stopped walking. He looked over to Akira slowly.

"I didn't know you liked Halloween," he said.

"I don't," Akira said. "I just…wanted to see how you celebrated it."

"You wouldn't have any fun," Hikaru said. "We aren't going out this year. We're chilling at Mitani's."

"Mitani's…?" Akira asked. Mitani Yuki was the last person Akira wanted to spend an evening with. He was worse than Waya in his lack of tact and he did things that Akira found abhorrent. He looked away. Hikaru reached up and lightly punched his arm.

"If you want to hang out, we'll do it on Sunday," he said. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"And you promise you won't cancel."

"I promise, Toya." Akira nodded.

"Okay…"

"Where you headed?"

"I should probably get home. Father's group is meeting on the hour."

"You want a ride?"

"No, I don't want to trouble you," Akira said. "You just go on and enjoy your party, okay?" Hikaru nodded. Akira turned around and started back towards the Institute. Hikaru sighed and headed home.

When he arrived, he was startled to see his mother and father sitting in the living room with his paternal uncle, a peculiar middle-aged man with a handlebar mustache. Hikaru's dad's family was based out of Northwestern Europe. Hikaru only remembered his uncle because he was the only paternal relative besides his father that had been born in Japan. Theodore Shindo spent time there every once and a while, visiting his brother when the two found time to meet during the visits.

Hikaru was prepared to sneak away up to his room. His uncle was extremely strange and Hikaru didn't want to sit and talk with him. However, his mother called him into the room to greet him, and the news he had to bare made it impossible for Hikaru to leave.

"Hikaru," Theo said, taking Hikaru by the hand and pulling him in for a hug. "You've grown so much since I last saw you. How have you been?"

"Good," Hikaru said. Theo's accent was thick, making him hard to understand. "What brings you here all of a sudden?"

"Your grandmother's birthday is tomorrow," Mr. Shindo said. "We're going to take a trip to visit her. You turned 18 this year, and she hasn't seen you since you graduated from middle school."

"Oh… When?" Hikaru asked.

"Well, Theo's staying over tonight, and tomorrow we'll leave in the afternoon," his father said.

"But what about work?" Hikaru said. "And I have a match with Toya on Sunday."

"Oh," Mrs. Shindo said, looking sad. "I know he's looking forward to it, but…this is important, too. Can't you request some time off?"

"Two days isn't going to be a big deal," Hikaru said. "I can just reschedule, I only have one game, but…Toya's going to be really mad."

"Then I'll call him," Mrs. Shindo said. Hikaru nodded.

"Can I still go to Mitani's party?"

"We're going out to dinner tonight," Mr. Shindo said. Hikaru nodded again. It at least gave him an out for both the party and the meeting with Akira and he wanted to do both as much as he didn't want to go through with either of them.

* * *

Akira was home when the call from Mrs. Shindo came in. Akiko answered and handed the call over to him. He listened as she explained the unexpected situation, and though he was disappointed, there was nothing Akira could do about it. He was just glad that he received notice prior to the day of the meeting. He didn't want to bother Hikaru's family after finding out that they were receiving a relative, so he declined to speak to Hikaru when Mrs. Shindo offered to put him on the phone. He would speak to Hikaru when he returned from visiting his grandmother, and they would reschedule at that time.

As it turned out, once Hikaru returned, he drowned himself in GO-centric activities to the point where his schedule left him no room to breathe. With a new tournament coming up, Akira couldn't blame him for immersing himself so deeply, though he still longed to play him in a private setting. Akira wouldn't be part of the tournament because he was far advanced in skill over Hikaru, but Hikaru would be competing against many former insei for top honors. Akira gave Hikaru his space until the weekend after the competition ended.

* * *

It was Saturday, December 6th.

Akira and Hikaru were both attending the same luncheon where awards would be given for the winners and runners up in the competition. Hikaru was there with his mother and Akira with his father. Akira initially kept his distance from Hikaru while he met up with his friends and talked to them. However, the start of the ceremony was drawing near and Akira was running out of time.

He was nervous to approach Hikaru when he was surrounded by his friends, but he got over that as he moved towards Hikaru. He tapped him gently on the shoulder and Hikaru turned around.

"Oh, hey, Toya," he said with a smile. Akira smiled in return. It was a big change from how Hikaru reacted to him in the past.

"How are you?"

"I'm good. I did good in the tournament, I only lost twice." Akira nodded. He knew all about how Hikaru had done in the tournament. Amano at the Institute had begun to anticipate when Akira would come into the newsroom to ask about the current results for Hikaru. Amano wasn't supposed to tell, but Amano wasn't exactly the best rule follower in the business.

"I'm glad," Akira said. "Listen…I was wondering if…now that your competition is over, you'd like to join me next Sunday for our game." Hikaru nodded.

"Yeah," he said. "It'll be about time." Akira smiled again.

"Well then…I'm glad," he said. "Good luck tonight."

"Thanks, Toya." Hikaru gave his arm a light punch. Akira wasn't sure what that gesture meant, or what he was supposed to do in return. He just smiled and bowed slightly before he walked away.

* * *

"Why Toya all up in your business?" Waya asked, watching Akira walk away.

"He wanna play me because we hardly ever play anymore," Hikaru explained. "But I dunno… It's like…in the past when I knew I was gonna play him, I got all nervous and started losing but…this past month, right, when I knew I wasn't gonna play him because we didn't plan it? It's like, I been doing real good all over again."

"It's just because you're always nervous around him," Waya said. "You gotta get over that. I mean…Toya good, but he ain't _that_ good."

"Hm…" Hikaru shrugged. "I'm gonna grab a few more cookies before this thing starts." He left Waya and Isumi to approach the table filled with small snacks for the attendees to nibble on before the show started. He grabbed a handful of cookies and stacked them precariously on the small plate he'd picked up. He put two in his mouth to make carrying the plate easier, but then realized that he could still fit at least two extras on the plate and have more cookies if he just watched where he was going with his plate.

He selected two of the tastier cookies and held them steady as he turned towards where his mother was seated. He started to walk over when he realized that he'd spotted Toya in the corner of his eye. He looked back at him, watching as he embraced Ashiwara Hiroyuki, and then shook hands with Ogata Seiji. Hikaru was displeased at seeing the closeness of the exchanges. How come Akira rarely touched Hikaru, but he was hugging on Ashiwara as if they were that close?

Hikaru perked when he noticed that Waya had come over to him.

"What?" he mumbled.

"Stop giving that Ashiwara guy the evil eye and come on. My mom wants to see you."

"I'm not," Hikaru said. He swallowed down his cookies with one last glance back at Toya. He was chatting and laughing with Ashiwara. They were a little too chummy for Hikaru's taste. He wondered what he could do to put an end to it as he approached Waya's mother.

The award ceremony went by without a hitch. Hikaru, Ochi Kosuke, Waya and Isumi had all received some honors. Hikaru tried to use that boost in confidence and ego to carry him through his scheduled games, but it didn't work. He was simply too worried about playing Akira again. He didn't want to lose against him, but it seemed that with every loss Hikaru compiled, Akira would just keep getting further and further away from him. He was coming to believe that the only thing he could do to ease his anxiety was to permanently cancel the game, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. Akira was excited about it, Hikaru knew that he was. And the game fell on his birthday, which Hikaru hadn't realized until he looked at his calendar to mark that Sunday as their game day. How could he hurt Akira on his birthday?

* * *

December was in full swing. Christmas decorations sprang up almost overnight, and the city was alight with winter cheer. Akira had never known his city to be so attuned to the Western holiday, but he wasn't complaining. His family didn't celebrate Christmas, but several of his fellow pros did, and he had learned about exchanging gifts and Christmas trees and a little more about the bulbous, rosy cheeked man with white hair that he had always found slightly repulsive.

Akira was watching wistfully as the city was draped with its first decent snowfall of the season. He was at dinner with his mother and father, and neither seemed upset by the fact that Akira found himself distracted. Akira knew that winter was Hikaru's favorite season. He had been told before that Hikaru's family celebrated holidays that most other Japanese families did not because of his mixed blood. Mr. Shindo kept the traditions alive each year. The year before, Hikaru had invited Akira over for Christmas dinner, but Akira hadn't wanted to intrude on what Hikaru described as a formal family dinner. Relatives had come in, and Akira felt that he would only be the odd person out.

However, knowing that Hikaru wanted to have him over to help his family celebrate Christmas got Akira to thinking about what would be the most likely occasion for which he could manage to drag Hikaru over to his house. If he tried to hold some kind of Christmas get together, he would only wind up messing up the foreign event. However, he was familiar with the celebration of the New Year on December 31st. He felt confident that even though he had never properly "rang in" the New Year, that he could pull it off convincingly and win Hikaru's attentions in a casual setting.

That decided, Akira returned his focus to his parents at the table. They were enjoying their meal in silence, which was highly unusual for their dinners. Their dinners were generally arranged by Koyo, but sometimes by Akiko and Akira when they felt they had something on their mind that they wanted to discuss. Koyo usually took the time in his planned meals to spring the news of an upcoming trip, who it would involve, and how long it would last. That night, it was Akiko's idea for the dinner. She had wanted to discuss repairs to the kitchen and after a brief talk over their appetizers, Koyo and Akira both agreed to help in getting the repairs in motion.

It wasn't often that their conversations lasted such a short period of time. Akira continued to think about the party he wanted to throw, and then it dawned on him that he wouldn't be able to go along with it without his parent's permission. He became a little nervous after realizing that. As he finished his meal, he looked over to his father and wondered what his response would be. Akira had never asked them anything of the sort, but he was almost 18. It wouldn't hurt to show them that he was up for socializing and throwing parties, as Akiko and Koyo often did in the community.

"Father…?" Koyo had just dabbed a napkin at the corner of his mouth, but lowered it quickly to address his son.

"Yes, Akira?"

"I would like to know if it would be all right if I threw a small gathering for the New Year." Koyo pondered this for a short while.

"Who would you invite?" he asked.

"I would ask certain pros, such as Ashiwara-kun, and Ogata-san. Kurata-kun, Shindo-kun."

"And where would you hold it?" Koyo asked, nodding.

"If it was all right with you, and all right with mother, I would like to use the house. It would only be for the evening and early morning. We'll eat dinner, and then play GO before the countdown. I hear there will be fireworks that can be seen from our front yard, so perhaps we will step outside to see them." Koyo nodded again.

"I don't see the harm in that," he said. Akira bowed his head slightly.

"Thank you so much, father," he said.

"Would you like me to do anything?" Akiko asked.

"Oh, no," Akira said. "It is my idea, so I will handle all of the preparations." Akiko smiled, but it was slightly off. Akira wondered if she was just apprehensive about Akira trying to manage his first party on his own, or if she had some other concern.

* * *

"I'm just trying to understand where he's coming from with this," Akiko said. She was in the middle of dressing for bed. Koyo was reading a book in bed while waiting for her to join him. He sat the book aside as Akiko went on. "I just have the feeling that…it just isn't his idea. That someone may have put the idea in his mind. Akira has never cared for parties, or celebrating the New Year before."

"He's getting older, Akiko-san. It's to be expected."

"It's just not like him," Akiko said. "I don't want him to change…"

"Akira may be going through a phase," Koyo said. "He'll be over it soon. So long as he doesn't get mixed in with a bad crowd, he'll be fine."

"I wonder though," Akiko said straightening her night gown. She shuffled over to the bed and lowered herself slowly to the firm mattress. "I wonder why he thought to invite Shindo Hikaru."

"They are friends," Koyo said. "And they've bonded through GO."

"I understand that, but…Shindo isn't… He's just the orange in the bowl of apples… He doesn't fit in with your crowd."

"Shindo-kun will do fine," Koyo said.

"His friends are…" Akiko shivered. She didn't want to speak ill of anyone because it was rude, but she and her husband shared the same unpleasant opinion about Hikaru's closest friends.

"Akira doesn't plan to invite them," Koyo said, and he sounded sure. However, Akira hadn't given a complete guest list. Akiko just hoped that he wouldn't dare to bring those people into her home. She didn't know how she would handle it. Koyo reached up and rubbed Akiko's back.

"Are you coming to bed?" he asked her. Akiko nodded. She turned out her lamp as Koyo turned out his. As she settled next to him, she knew she would have a restless night worrying about her son and the company he planned to keep.


	2. Why Won't You Play Me?

**Summary**: Hikaru and Akira cross the fine-line they walk in their rocky relationship, the line between rivals and lovers.

**Disclaimer**: Hikaru no Go is written by Yumi Hotta and the animated series was created by Studio Pierrot. Please do not construe the writing of this fanfiction as a claim to ownership in any way.

**1 - Why Won't You Play Me?**

Shindo Hikaru found himself staring sullenly out of his bedroom window, his eyes focused on the blinking light of a hospital's landing roof miles away. His palm tightened against the glass, his expression deepening greatly. He could feel Fujiwara-No-Sai behind him. Both were silent and thoughtful, Sai concerned about Hikaru and Hikaru concerned about the future of his career.

Sai shuffled towards him; Hikaru's eyes remained fixed on the red light in the distance.

"Hikaru?" Sai spoke out unsurely. "Hikaru?"

"Arimasen…" Hikaru choked. He could feel Sai smile at him.

"You've already conceded…" Sai said. "I understand your situation. Come…you should get some rest."

"I…I can't sleep now, not after that…"

"But…tomorrow…"

"I know, Sai…" Hikaru said. "I…I'm thinking about calling and canceling again. I…don't think we should do it anymore."

"But…Hikaru…" Sai said. "This is your _chance_. You've waited all this time…"

"I know, but I… I can't bring myself to face him, not the way I am. I can already hear it…see it… His disappointment…"

"But…this will be his first game, as well, since then," Sai said, referring to their last match as pros which had taken place months ago, before their latest dan upgrades.

"I've played with you, though, Sai…"

"Ah, of course. And he's played games with his colleagues, too. But…a real match against a long sought-after opponent…? It's been so long since you've been able to sit down with him."

"I'm scared to face him. Not even as a player, but as a colleague… It's so hard for me to even think about him." Hikaru turned to Sai. Sai looked eternally glum. Hikaru gave him the best smile he could muster, only being able to even the line of his lips and look stern.

"Hikaru…" Sai said lowly.

"I'm going to call and cancel, Sai." Sai's bottom lip sunk beneath the top one and he lowered his head. "It's better he hears it today instead of tomorrow…"

"If…that's what you really want." Hikaru nodded slowly, then started for the door. He scuffled down the stairs and to the phone in the foyer. He picked up the receiver and dialed for Akira's house.

* * *

Toya Akiko turned off the burner under her stew and hurried over to the phone. She removed her pot holder and tucked it under her arm as she grabbed the receiver.

"Hello, Touya residence," she answered.

"Uh… Hi… This is Shindo Hikaru…"

"Oh, Shindo-kun," Akiko said. "It's been a while since I've seen you. Are you well?" She could hear him gulp nervously on the other end.

"Y-yeah…" Even though he wasn't her son, she could tell that he was lying by his tone. It wasn't just that it was unsure. There was something truly bothering him at that moment. "Um…the reason I called is…um…"

"You'd like to speak to Akira?"

"No…" Hikaru said quickly. "But could you, um…tell him that…I won't be able to play him tomorrow…?" Akiko's grip on the receiver tightened.

"Is that so…?" she asked. She glanced into the living room where she could hear Akira placing stones on the board set up there. Her son had been a nervous wreck over the game he was supposed to play with Hikaru the next day. She couldn't believe that Hikaru would cancel. She couldn't believe that things were right on the other end. Something must have been terribly wrong. "Oh, Shindo-kun…" she said sympathetically. "Is something wrong…?" Hikaru was silent for a short while.

"No…" he said. "No, not at all. Could you just tell him, please? Thank you…" The phone rattled on the other end, then Akiko heard the dial tone loud in her ear. Disheartened, Akiko lowered the phone and thought for a moment about how to break the news to her son. Sighing softly, she set the phone on its base and walked a few feet to the entrance of the living room. Akira was deeply involved in his game it seemed, but as she opened her mouth to speak, he asked her flatly, "Did he…not want to speak with me?" Akiko swallowed hard, raising her hand to the door frame for balance.

"Sweetheart…" she began. Akira raised his face to her, his mouth tight and his hair unsettled. He was expecting bad news. Akiko cleared her throat. "I'm sorry, but…Shindo…can't make your game tomo—"

"Wha—!"Akira leapt up from the floor. "What?" he asked, his voice hitched in his throat. "But…but we… He can't just… Mother… What did he say?"

"Akira, please…" Akiko began, walking over to him slowly. "Akira-san…"

"Mother…what did he say?"

"It was just that," Akiko said.

"He…can't just do that! Not after everything I went through to…" Akira's mouth pursed tightly, his fists balled and trembling. "This…is unacceptable!" he growled. "He'll play me. He'll play me whether he wants to or not." Akira spun quickly towards the door, slipping on his shoes and coat with speed that could only come from having done it so many times. Akiko knew it was pointless to try and stop her son from leaving when he got that way, but she was still a mother.

"Akira, bundle up, it's going to snow," she said quickly. "Be careful, it's dark out th—" The front door was shut.

* * *

Hikaru was laid spread out on his bed, his eyes still on his window. It had begun to snow as he lay there thinking about what he'd just done. Initially, he'd felt relieved, but at that moment, he felt sorrowful. Another missed chance to see Akira. It was for the best. Sai was sitting cross-legged at the head of the bed watching him. He leaned forward so that he was in Hikaru's frame of vision. Hikaru still didn't look at him.

"I still don't see why you keep running away when you've spent so much time running towards him, Hikaru…" he said. "Tomorrow…would be that pivotal game for you, the game where you finally test his strength for yourself again. How could you let go of that goal so readily, Hikaru…?" Hikaru let his eyes drift to the ceiling.

"Sai…?"

"Yes, Hikaru…?"

"I…have a confession to make…" Sai tilted his head as he leaned forward more, trying to get Hikaru to look at him. He did, finally. Sai looked eager to hear what he had to say.

"Yes, Hikaru…?"

"Do you remember that time that I told you I wanted to talk to ma in private…?"

"Mm-hmm?"

"Well…it was about this… You see, Toya, to me, is…"

"Mm-hmm, mm-hmm?"

"Well, you see… Toya is—" Bzzt, bzzt! Hikaru's eyebrows flinched as he sat up.

"A visitor?" Sai asked.

"I guess so…" Hikaru got up from the bed. Bzzt, bzzt, bzzzzt! "All right, all right already," Hikaru called out as he hurried from his room to the stairs. He jogged down them with Sai behind him. Bzzt! Bzzzzzzzzzt!

"My, they're impatient…" Sai said. "Hurry Hikaru, let's see who it is." Hikaru waved him away as he reached the door.

"Who is it?" he asked.

"Shindo!" a shrill, raspy voice grunted from the other side of the door. Both Hikaru and Sai jumped back at the recognition. They looked at each other fearfully.

"It's Toya…" they both said. Sai pointed at the door with a shaking hand.

"You…you open it…" he said. Hikaru gave him an annoyed look.

"Well, if not me, then who?" he asked.

"Certainly not me," Sai said, moving behind Hikaru. Hikaru shook his head at him and reached for the doorknob. He unlocked the door and opened it slowly. He looked out through the crack in the door. Akira was standing there slightly hunched over, chest heaving and lips trembling from the cold and exertion, snowflakes settled on his shoulders and in his hair. He took in a wavering breath as he glared at Hikaru. Hikaru scratched the back of his head, feeling his heart beating a mile a minute in his chest.

"Toya…" he said quietly. "My mom's not in… I can't have company…"

"You will open that door," Akira growled. "I won't let you turn me away, do you hear me?" Hikaru watched him, stunned. "Open it!" Before Hikaru could do anything, Akira knocked his arm into the door and it flew open, causing Hikaru to tumble back onto the floor. Akira stepped in and slammed the door. "You don't have the right to refuse me!" he exclaimed. "I've been patient with you ever since you stood me up, and I vowed never to let that happen again. We will never miss a game, do you hear me? You say you can't make it tomorrow, then we'll do this right now!"

"N—now?" Hikaru stuttered.

"Get up and face me!" Hikaru gulped.

_He __can __get __so __angry_… Sai said.

"Toya…" Hikaru murmured.

"Where's your board? I know you have a board here somewhere. The living room?" Akira jetted from the entry hall. Hikaru glanced over to Sai, who gave a deep sigh for lack of anything better to do. Akira came back into the room, chest still heaving. "It's not there," he said. "It's not in any of the rooms here."

_Did __he __really __check __that __fast_? Sai asked.

"Where is it then? Upstairs, your bedroom?" Hikaru nodded. Akira reached down and grabbed his wrist. Hikaru pulled away as Akira tried to pull him up, causing him to jerk forward and lose his balance. He toppled to the floor between Hikaru's legs, his arms shooting to the floor within Hikaru's arms. He bumped his head on Hikaru's chin and heard both their teeth clatter in result.

* * *

A few moments passed before Akira realized that he'd settled. His knees beat painfully and he thought he felt blood in his mouth. He raised a hand to his chin as he backed up, his face bright red with his embarrassment. He coughed slightly, surprised to see that Hikaru was just as red as him, maybe even redder. He wasn't hurt, as far as Akira could tell, but he looked positively stunned. Akira shook his head slightly.

"I'm so sorry!" he said. "I…was careless. I was just upset! Forgive me… Are you hurt?" Hikaru's lips were clamped shut and he looked like he was holding the secret to UFO's in Area 51. Akira watched him, and then noticed that something was pressing uncomfortably against his hip. Not knowing their exact positions, Akira realized that he must have landed on Hikaru quite awkwardly and that that was why he wouldn't say anything. He looked down, naively expecting to see a knee bent up towards his stomach. But instead what he saw was himself hovering above Hikaru's groin. Hikaru's _groin_? Akira's face twisted into one of utter shock and he jumped back from Hikaru.

* * *

"T—To—Toya…" Hikaru said. Akira's eyes were wide and he looked angry again. Hikaru had tried his hardest not to let his imagination run wild once he'd seen Akira standing at the door, but he couldn't help himself. As much as he could counter that arousal at first, everything went out the door when Akira fell on him as he did, and they were as close as they'd ever been. Their hips had ground painfully, but only Hikaru seemed to notice that. And after that, he'd completely lost his self control.

_Blood_! an oblivious Sai screeched behind Hikaru. _Look, __look_! Hikaru looked at Akira closely. His bottom lip was bleeding.

"Hey…Toya…you're bleeding…" Akira licked the blood from his lips.

"I know…" Hikaru sat up and scratched his head.

"I'm…I'm sorry about this…"

"It's nothing, I'm sure…" Akira said. Hikaru covered his mouth with his hand. How could Akira dismiss his feelings so coldly? "Just tell me, Shindo… Why won't you play me…?" Hikaru stared at him. Sai kneeled next to him and looked at him, waiting for an answer as well.

_Are__…__you __all __right_? he asked.

_Yeah, __Sai_.

"Well, answer me," Akira said, using a hand for emphasis. "I've come all this way."

"Uninvited."

"From the looks of things, you surely don't seem to mind," Akira retorted. Color spread to Hikaru's cheeks again.

"I said I was sorry."

"So did I. I want to play you, here and now. Just…take me to your board, all right?"

"What if I don't want to play you?" Hikaru asked.

"Don't be a coward," Akira said, tentatively touching his lips. "Just get yourself together and let's settle this. I…I need to play you again. You can't run from me forever. Have you decided to settle with the fact that I'll always be better than you?" Hikaru's arousal was starting to turn into anger.

"Don't flatter your game," he said. "That ain't it."

"Then what is it, Shindo?" Akira asked. "After all this time…you've been right behind me. Then you just…failed." Akira arched an eyebrow. "Why? Why, if not from fear of losing to me because you simply aren't good enough?" Hikaru felt so offended he balled his fists.

"You! You're always so proud. I'm gonna make you eat those words."

"Show me your strength!"

"Fine! You are so going down, Akira!" Akira hiccupped noticeably and Hikaru felt the affects of his declaration diminish right before his eyes.

* * *

Akira's hands fell to the floor and he stared at Hikaru.

"Did…did you just call me…?" Akira shook his head. He certainly did say his name—his _first_ name. It was almost like a shot at him, a cheap shot at his existence. How dare Hikaru say his name to him like that? Who did Hikaru take him for, anyway? Akira's lips twisted into a scowl and he stood up quickly. "You are to take me to your board," he said. "We will settle this once and for all." Hikaru looked to debate it with himself for a moment. "Take me, now!" Hikaru blushed again and stood up quickly.

"You really need to watch what you say," he said and hurried up the stairs. Akira straightened out his jacket, ignoring the last comment as he went up to the second floor behind Hikaru. In his bedroom, Akira was surprised to see a board in yose. He rushed over to it and kneeled on one side.

"You're studying a game?" he asked. "Where's your book? Let me see your strategy here." Akira pointed to where his eye led him, a noticeable trap in the upper right corner where white had sent black into a tailspin of defense all around the board. Hikaru plopped down on the other side of the board.

"There is no book," he said. "You take black, all right? I've been black all night." Akira didn't understand that and he really wanted to discuss the intricate game in front of them, but he also wanted to play Hikaru. Normally, he wouldn't let a game begin without officially deciding who was black and who was white, but that night was certainly abnormal and Akira didn't have the patience to argue anymore. He nodded and they gathered their stones.

* * *

_This __is __exciting_ Sai said. _I __can__'__t __wait, __Hikaru_.

_Sai_?

_Yes_?

_Do __you__…__think __you __could __take __a __hike __for __a __while__…__? __I __have __a __feeling__…__things __aren__'__t __going __to __turn __out __the __way __you __think __they __are__…_

_Hikaru_? Sai asked, not understanding. _You__…__won__'__t __let __me __watch __your __game_?

_If__…__Akira __keeps __giving __me __that __look, __I __really __don__'__t __think __there__'__s __going __to __be __much __of __a __game, __Sai__…_

_Hikaru__…__what __on __earth_?

_Just trust me on that. Come back tomorrow or something… Just leave us alone for now._

_Hikaru_… Sai murmured seriously, his fan, drawn in anticipation of the game, pulled timidly towards his face. _But__it__'__s__just__not__fair_! Hikaru nearly fell over from the sudden outburst, but Sai "caught" him, wrapping his arms around his neck. _I __wanna __watch, __I __wanna __watch! __Lemme __see __the __game, __please Hi__karu! __HIKARU_!

"Shut up, already!" Hikaru exclaimed. Akira gave him an odd look.

"I haven't said anything, Shindo," he said. Hikaru chuckled nervously. Sai stopped and pouted at Hikaru.

_No __means __no,__Sai. __Beat __it._

_You__'__re __so __mean, __Hikaru_!

_Beat __it!_

_Hmph_! Sai finally conceded and left them alone. Hikaru looked at Akira and saw that he was more than ready to make his first move.

Akira cleared his throat.

"Onegaishimasu," he said. Hikaru nodded.

"Onegaishimasu." Akira dug into his cup of stones and started their game. After a few moves, Hikaru restlessly changed position. Akira flashed him an annoyed glance.

"You're going to tell me," he began, "why you tried to avoid me."

"No, I'm not. You'll get freaked out and run away."

"After what happened earlier?" Akira asked, snapping a stone down loudly. "You think anything's worse than that?"

"Falling on me?" Hikaru asked, offended.

"Not just that…" Akira said. "You were…you know…" Hikaru gulped.

"Yeah…well…"

"You don't have a crush on me, do you?" Akira asked. From his tone, Hikaru was ashamed to admit it.

"Toya…"

"Is that why you don't want to play me? You're trying to…avoid having to see me…?" Hikaru couldn't concentrate on his game, as usual. He stared at Akira for a long time. "That's so foolish."

"What do you think of me?" Hikaru asked. "Do you think…I'm desirable?"

"Your GO is desirable for me," Akira said. "What a strange thing to ask me."

"You…don't seem uncomfortable with this…" Hikaru said, watching Akira play solid moves against his unsteady ones. "You're so nonchalant."

"How should I be?" Akira asked. "I'm not so innocent, you know?" Hikaru raised an eyebrow.

"No…I don't know." Akira held his hand steadily above the board, a stone stable between his rigid fingers.

"It's okay if you have a crush on me, Shindo…" he said. "But the important thing is to never let something so trivial get in the way of what is most imperative." Clack! Hikaru took offense, and followed through with a sharp play.

"Toya… My feelings for you…are not something to simply put off. I…have strong feelings for you… I…think I…I love you."

* * *

When Akira heard that, his stone snapped horizontally across the board and into Hikaru's stomach. They both looked up at each other, Akira's eyes wide again.

"Love?" he choked. "You couldn't possibly love me…" he said. "You barely know me…"

"I barely know you?" Hikaru nearly exclaimed. "Duh, I've only been under your shadow for the past five and a half years! I eat, sleep and breathe you, what are you talking about?"

"But you would…go so far as to say that you…_love_ me, Shindo?" Hikaru nodded rapidly.

"Yeah, I mean… Nothing that I do…distracts me from you. Not even GO… When I think of anything, it all comes back to you… No matter what I say or do, I just…I think of you…"

"But…" Akira pulled his hand away from the board and grabbed his arm. After a short period of deep thought, he fiddled with the cuff of his jacket. "How do you know…when it's love?" he asked.

"Like…when I saw you today, I totally stopped breathing for like ten seconds…" Hikaru said. "And…I dream about playing GO with you and…even what it would be like to go to school with you. To…eat ramen together."

"You…want to be _friends_ with me…" Akira sounded like he was trying to convince Hikaru that that was all it was.

"No," Hikaru said, sternly. "I want to hug and kiss, too. And I don't want you hanging out with other guys… It makes me jealous."

"So…you're…interested in me…_truly_?" Akira asked. He lowered his head and hid his eyes with his bangs. "This is the true reason you've avoided me all these weeks?"

"Every time I see you, I just want to have you, so…I knew that if I stayed in the limelight, I'd lose my standing in the GO world… I would completely lose every game, just like I have been…"

"Black did a terrible job in that last game…" Akira said. He looked at Hikaru. "I'm sort of jealous, too," he said. Hikaru's eyebrows wavered.

"You?" he asked.

"Is that so unbelievable?"

"Oh, like you don't know it is," Hikaru said flatly.

"Hm…" Akira paused. "I am. I'm jealous of…your instructor…"

"My instructor?" Hikaru asked.

"Yes…" Akira crawled around the GO-board slowly. "He gets to spend…so much time with you and watch you grow firsthand…" Akira stopped next to Hikaru and sat close to him. "I want to spend time with you… Teach you how to play…"

"You and your pride," Hikaru said. "Don't you know a GO prodigy when you see one?" Akira pouted comically and it made Hikaru smirk.

"Well, Hikaru…" Akira said lowly, and Hikaru's smirk grew. "I sure do, but as there's no mirror around, I don't see one at this moment…" Hikaru grabbed Akira around the waist and forced him onto the floor. Akira gasped in surprise.

"I'm going to make you eat those words, _Akira_," Hikaru said.

"Show me…your moves…" Akira breathed. Hikaru climbed on top of him quickly, cupping him within his arms and holding their chests together. Hikaru dipped his face towards Akira's and Akira reached up slightly to meet him, but Hikaru pulled back.

"What…do you think of me, Akira…?"

"You're so strange…" Akira whispered. "But…I think you're my special…my special, silent partner in GO, Hikaru…"

"Can I be…your lover?" Hikaru asked unsurely.

"You can't have me tonight, Hikaru…" Akira said. "But we can…play GO a little…with each other…"

"Why can't I have you?" Hikaru asked.

"Because I want to make you wait for this…just like you made me wait for you. I don't run away from my desires, Hikaru. When I want something, I go out of my way to get it." Akira cupped Hikaru's face in his hands. "Don't you ever hide yourself from me again," he ordered.

* * *

Hikaru blinked back at him. He was being suggestive, wasn't he?

"Okay," he said, dumbly. Akira seemed satisfied, as his shoulders slumped in relaxation.

"My dad has given me permission for a small gathering on New Year's Eve. I want you to invite your friends."

"Really?" Hikaru asked, surprised. "Can we kiss and stuff then?"

"Maybe…" Akira said. "My dad would kill me if he saw…"

"Oh…" Akira sighed and let Hikaru go. "If I win tonight…then…you'll have to wait until the party to have me. But if you…win, Hikaru, which you won't… You get to kiss me goodnight."

"Can I go glomp crazy on you?" Hikaru asked excitedly. Akira narrowed his eyes.

"We'll see…" Hikaru giggled triumphantly and went over to the board. Akira sat up a little slowly, and then went to his side. Hikaru had separated the stones.

"What are you doing, Hikaru? We were in the middle of a game."

"No fair!" Hikaru said. "You were totally taking advantage of me. This will be a fair game, and I'm totally kissing you goodnight."

"I admire your eagerness, but it's that overconfidence that will be your downfall." Hikaru gritted his teeth playfully. They properly grabbed for stones and Hikaru wound up being black. Akira's eyes held a different light now, his usually taut expression now a knowing one. He looked confident that he would win, but also relieved in some sense. Hikaru swallowed hard. He was going to lose this one, but New Year's was just around the corner. Waiting a little longer would only make the moment a thousand times sweeter. "Onegaishimasu…"

"Onegaishimasu."


	3. Be My Wife

**Summary**: Hikaru and Akira cross the fine-line they walk in their rocky relationship, the line between rivals and lovers.

**Disclaimer**: Hikaru no Go is written by Yumi Hotta and the animated series was created by Studio Pierrot. Please do not construe the writing of this fanfiction as a claim to ownership in any way.

**2 – Be My Wife**

It was now the last night of the year. Hikaru was sulking about in his room with Sai keeping him company. Hikaru was nervous about the party that evening, but there was no way he was going to miss out on it. He couldn't wait to see Akira that night, though he was worried that they wouldn't get as much private time as Hikaru wanted because of the other guests and because his parents would be there.

"I still can't believe I lost…" Hikaru said, complaining to save face in front of Sai. "But I'll make up for what I lost tonight for sure."

"I can't wait to go! Waya and Isumi will be there! And Toya Akira and his father, of course. And Ogata, too." Sai was more excited than Hikaru was over going to the party at the Toya's that evening. "Is Ochi coming? Fukui? Oh, I haven't seen Akari and the others in such a long while." Hikaru glanced over at Sai, who was still reviewing the game he played against Akira on the GO-board.

"I think they're all able to make it," he said.

"That's so great, Hikaru! Come, sit down. Let's replay the game again." Hikaru frowned at him.

"But we already did it like ten times by now."

"Liar!" Sai accused. "It's been only three. Now come and let's try it different this time." Hikaru walked over to the board and sat down. "Akira really had you on the bends in mid game. I'm proud that you were able to turn it around, it was only a three and a half point loss. Nothing to be ashamed of."

"That's because you don't know what was at stake." Sai blinked at him.

"At stake?" he asked. "It wasn't an official game, Hikaru…"

"No, nothing like that…" Hikaru said. "You wouldn't understand."

"Well, sure I would. Tell me, Hikaru. You…you didn't bet, did you?"

"Sort of…" Hikaru said. Sai looked shocked for a moment, then calmed down.

"You're lying…" he said. "Toya would never do such a thing."

"He would," Hikaru said. Sai lowered his head and stared at the board.

"Well, what was at stake, Hikaru? You have to tell me." He motioned for Hikaru to get a move on when he realized that Hikaru wasn't taking the stones. Hikaru was gazing off into space again. Sai sighed and set his hands on his hips. "You'll play whether you like it or not," he said. Hikaru looked at him with wide eyes, then chuckled and started separating the stones.

"You sound just like Toya…when you say that, Sai." Sai sighed heavily.

"Humph!" he said. "Why can't it be that he sounds like me?" he asked.

"Because," Hikaru said.

"It's not like you've known him longer," Sai said. Hikaru just chuckled and set his cup on the floor in front of him. "You know, Hikaru…?"

"Huh?"

"Ever since that game…you've been different…"

"Have I?"

"Mm-hm. You…want to play more…" Sai looked playfully suspicious. "I think it's because you were finally able to play Toya."

"Maybe…" Hikaru said. "Maybe it's just that…it was the first time having him here, Sai." Sai shook his head slightly, and looked away.

"You…asked me to leave that night. It was a first time for that, too."

"You went away when me and ma had that talk, didn't you?" Sai didn't respond. "Anyway…I've been meaning to ask. Where did you go?"

"Away…" Sai said. "Let's not talk about that… You said that…things wouldn't go as I thought they would, but they did."

"It did? You…you thought I would lose?" Hikaru asked, getting loud.

"Yep," Sai said. "And you did… So…why did you want me to leave? I've seen you lose before… And surely, if you thought you'd win, wouldn't you want me to be there to see it?"

"Yeah, but…"

"But?"

"But…" Hikaru capped his stones. "But…things that night were for us to know about only…" Sai looked sad at that. Hikaru chuckled and leaned back at an angle, resting his weight on his hands.

"It must have been the game…" Sai said. "I've never known anything else to make you make that type of face before, Hikaru."

"Don't think about it too much, Sai. Just keep thinking about Toya-sensei and Ogata-sensei." Sai blushed and hid his face behind his fan.

"Hikaru…you say that so strangely…" he said.

"Well, that's all you do day in and day out, ain't it?" Hikaru said. "Heck, I'd be surprised if there was really anything else on your mind."

"Well…you, of course."

"Oh, that's a given, Sai," Hikaru said. "It worries me sometimes… Don't you ever think about anything but GO?"

"Of course, Hikaru." Hikaru looked at Sai, but Sai didn't look like he had anything else in mind.

"Like what?"

"Like…food."

"Food?" Hikaru asked. Sai nodded.

"Sometimes you doze off on the remote thing and change the scene on that box there, and it's always to some people cooking and eating. I…get a little jealous watching them…"

"Is…being a spirit hard, Sai?" Sai lowered his fan and his eyes. He reached over to the GO-board and tried to touch it, but his hand fell straight through it.

"When it comes to this…" he said. "Sometimes…I feel that there's not much time to think about that when there are many exciting games that you can play with me…and for me… But, I've spent a lot of time like this, Hikaru, and it never gets easier. It's only when I play with you that it doesn't matter at all, but…when I imagine playing against _them_, I lose my resolve and it hurts unbearably."

"Sai?"

"Yes, Hikaru?"

"So there's nothing that you want so badly that…it makes it hard to do other things…?"

"There's rarely anything that distracts me from GO, Hikaru."

"Not even…love…?" Sai made a strange noise and he and Hikaru made eye contact.

"GO for me is….everything," Sai said. "It's all that I've lived for all this time…" Sai scooted closer to Hikaru. "But you… You've lived a shorter life than me and GO is fairly new for you considering. Not to mention that you're still a growing child."

"Sai…" Hikaru complained. "You treat me like such a kid. I'm 18."

"You still are a child, Hikaru. Why don't young ones enjoy their youth more? You'll still be a young child for a little while longer, and you'll never get that back."

"It's different when you're younger," Hikaru said. "You have all these desires and wants and needs that you don't wanna hafta wait for and stuff."

"Kids maybe don't understand all the responsibilities that go into having those types of privileges."

"Sai…" Hikaru complained louder. "Sheesh, you sound like ma."

"But it's true."

"Let's talk about something else."

"Well, you brought it up, Hikaru," Sai said. "And what's this talk about love? Have you finally realized what Akari's interest in GO is really all about?" Hikaru gave Sai a quizzical look.

"What are you getting at?" he asked. "Akari and I had a very detailed discussion about that and—"

"And what, Hikaru?" Sai asked. "I was there, I remember the whole thing. She blushed and got very nervous. Then she didn't give us a straight answer."

"It was straight enough," Hikaru said.

"Come to think of it, it was about then that you stopped playing… So…is it that, Hikaru? That you're in love?"

"Akari's got nothing to do with it," Hikaru said sternly. "So get over it." Sai raised an eyebrow.

"I think I'm staring to get it…" he said. "I know what was so important about your game with Toya."

"Sai…you're so bad at things like these…" Hikaru said. "What do you think it is? Huh?"

"You…have special feelings for Toya…don't you?" Hikaru looked at Sai seriously. "Is that what it is? And don't try to lie because I'll know."

"Truthfully, Sai?"

"Yes?"  
"You hit the nail right on the head. I'm surprised. I really am."

"Well… It certainly explains a lot of things. And it's really obvious that I'm not the only person taking up space in your heart."

"What?"

"I…could just tell that you liked him from your feelings," Sai said. "Your emotions change drastically when you think of him, or when you're near him. At first, it was clear that you wanted to compete with him, but now… Now, it's deeper and more serious."

"So…you already knew?" Sai looked guilty and nodded.

"Your emotions left me no choice."

"So I guess that means you still suck at finding things out on your own." Sai closed his fan and sat it down next to him.

"Let's play a game, Hikaru," he said. "Just one before you get ready to go?"

"Fine, fine," Hikaru said. "One and I'm done for the night."

"Toya will definitely have boards out, don't you think?" Sai asked. Hikaru shrugged.

"Maybe. I hope not, though. It'll be a little bit of a boring party, if that's all we're going to be doing, don't you think?"

"_NO_!" Hikaru chuckled at the severity of the refutation.

"Let's make this a good one, Sai. Try not to beat me too bad. I wanna be in a good mood tonight."

"Then…should I let you win?" Hikaru frowned at him and was about to exclaim 'no' as Sai had, but he kept himself under control.

"Just don't beat me too bad, that's all." Sai shifted excitedly.

"All right."

* * *

The noise coming from Akira's house made Hikaru feel nervous. He had called earlier and had spoken to Akira's mom. She had told him that the party was going to be casual and not to dress up, but Hikaru wanted to make a good impression on Akira. He asked his mom for help and she chose for him a tight pair of flared jeans, a black tank top and a dark purple silk shirt. He wore a blazer over it with his nicest shoes, instead of the yellow coat and gym shoes he usually donned.

He showered, washed and dried his hair and then got dressed. On his way over, he stopped off at a gifting store to pick something out, and then he returned to his car to prepare it. Whenever he drove, Sai always appeared in the backseat and gaped and oohed and aahed at everything. He watched with interest as Hikaru scribbled a message on the card he'd gotten, and then tucked it into a bag with Happy New Year's written over it in English. He steadied the small, but expensive box of chocolates and single red rose at the bottom of the bag and looked at it.

"It needs tissue paper," Sai said. Hikaru nodded. He got back out of the car and hurried into the store, but found that they were out of the cheapest paper. So instead of dropping an arm and a leg for fancier paper, Hikaru selected two silken scarves, one solid silver and another white with blue flowers, and returned to the car. He arranged them with Sai's help so that the silver one showed prominently, and the white one covered the contents of the bag. With that done, they then drove to the Toya's.

Now, approaching the door with the bag in hand, Hikaru felt apprehensive. Was it an appropriate gift for New Year's? His other friends were easier to shop for; they either wanted nothing or food. However, Akira was different. Hikaru weighed the bag in his hands as he thought about whether or not he should give it to him. Before he could make the decision, the front door opened and Akira looked out at him. Hikaru faced him, his cheeks flushing bright red when they made eye contact.

Akira was in a pink silk shirt with the first two buttons undone and a black jacket with matching slacks. Around his neck was a black choker with a silver charm in the center. His eyes were outlined in black pencil. There was a black hat perched on the back of his head and his bangs spilled down cutely around his forehead and cheeks. He wasn't wearing any shoes, and his socked feet stuck out from the wide hems of the flared pants. His turquoise eyes were shimmering in the moonlight and his expression was one of unabashed glee.

Hikaru and Sai stood out in the cold draft, staring at him in utter shook. Akira looked like he belonged in a club, not the traditional Japanese setting before them. The music that blared was techno and there were colorful lights flashing around from somewhere, possibly the living room. This could all mean one thing and one thing only: Toya Koyo was long gone, someplace far—possibly out of the country.

"Oh, you made it!" Akira exclaimed over the music. His hands came out to grab for Hikaru's hands.

"Yeah!"

"Come in! Come eat!" Hikaru let Akira pull him inside. Akira closed the door behind him and locked it. Hikaru took off his shoes and Akira helped him from his jacket. He slipped it into a coat closet, and then took the bag from Hikaru. "Is this for me?" he asked. His eyes were still shining with excitement. Hikaru nodded. "Thank you!"

"You're welcome!" Akira took him by the hand and walked with him into the living room.

It was filled to the brim with dancing bodies. Hikaru searched quickly through the faces to see if he could recognize anyone, but Akira tugged him away so fast, he couldn't make out anything behind the blurs. They entered the kitchen and Akira let out a large sigh as he closed the bi-fold doors. Hikaru exchanged glances with Sai.

_Has __he__…__completely __lost __it_…? Sai inquired.

_He __must __have_… Hikaru was sure that he had. Never in a million years would Akira throw a party like this…and enjoy it. Akira was looking through the refrigerator and came out with a bottle of orange juice.

"Let me fix you something. Have you eaten?"

"Uh…no…" Akira nodded. He poured two cups and then returned to the fridge. "Akira…what's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't think…your party would be this…" Akira placed a large sushi platter on the table and then removed the plastic covering.

"Crazy? Wild?" Akira chuckled and shrugged. "Neither did I. It certainly didn't start out like this."

"What happened?"

"Your friends…Waya and Mitani." Hikaru instantly knew what had gone wrong.

"Oh, crap," he said. "That's not good. Those two are dangerous when you get them together."

"Yes, I know. They changed my music, they changed me and invited some more people… I'm just lucky that dad had that emergency trip to Hokkaido with mom."

"All the way there?"

"Yes. I don't know the details, but they will be gone for another three days. God help me."

"You…don't seem to hate it…" Hikaru said.

"I…don't…" Akira chuckled shyly. "I'm…actually really enjoying myself. I'm glad that you're here, too. May I open this?" Hikaru looked at the bag.

"Sure." He helped himself to a few pieces of sushi. They were really good. Akira gasped as he took out the scarves.

"These are beautiful…" he said. "Oh, and look… My favorite chocolates!" They were his favorite? Lucky! "Oh, this is so sweet…" Akira approached Hikaru and hugged him. Then he stepped back, his cheeks tinted pink. "You look…handsome, Hikaru," he said. He looked down at himself. "Do I…look as silly as I feel?"

"Don't get me started on you," Hikaru said, sitting his plate down to be able to hold him around his waist. "I almost can't believe how hot you are dressed like that…"

"I'm glad it's pleasing to you," Akira said. Hikaru smirked. Akira started acting coy; he bit his lower lip and lowered his eyes. "I really am…glad to see you again. I'm…almost sorry that you lost that night." Hikaru blinked at him.

"Me…too…" he said. "I…I love you." Akira's eyes softened as he wrapped his arms around Hikaru's neck. He pressed their cheeks together and whispered into Hikaru's ear, "I love you, too, Hikaru." He gave Hikaru a tight squeeze and lingered in the embrace before he let go. They smiled briefly at each other. Akira took up a plate for himself along with his juice.

"I can't believe they tossed out my tea," he said. "This tastes a little strange with the sushi, but it's the only decent thing to drink."

"Do you have any pop?" Akira paused, and gave Hikaru a hesitant look.

"Oh… Yes. But pop isn't good for you. Drink your juice. Mother made it fresh this morning." Hikaru smirked at him.

"You're really going to make me drink juice with sushi, 'Kira?"

"Would you like some water? We have some in the cooler." Hikaru glanced around the kitchen until he spotted it.

"In there?"

"Yes."

"What else you got to eat?" Akira sat down his plate.

"Plenty. This was supposed to be more of a dinner, but no one is interested in the food."

"I'll eat it," Hikaru said as he took out a can of soda, glad to be able to get some food into his stomach and spend some alone time with Akira. Akira went to the oven and pulled out several trays. The smell of meat and teriyaki sauce hit Hikaru like a runaway train. "That smells so good," he said, hurrying over.

"I know these aren't your traditional New Year's fare, but…I was in a mood today." Hikaru didn't know what he meant by that. He was too busy checking out the spread. There was a tray of beef and chicken teriyaki, a tray of panko fried katsu and a tray of little hor d'oeuvres type food like takoyaki and gyoza. On the stove were simmering miso broth and cooked rice. Hikaru gaped at everything. Akira smiled.

"You look hungry," he said. "Please, allow me to make you a plate." Hikaru nodded. Akira grabbed a shiny plate from a cabinet and took up a pair of tongs.

"Is…" Hikaru had to swallow back his drool. "Uh…is there cake?"

"Yes," Akira said, doling out healthy portions of the meat and rice. "I had to go online for the recipe, but I tried to make it as authentic as possible."

"Oh, yeah…?" Hikaru was so caught up in thoughts of eating it that he almost forgot to ask what it would be. "Uh…it chocolate?"

"It's tiramisu."

"Be my wife…" Hikaru murmured. Akira turned to him, giving him a strange look.

"What?"

"Uh…nothing…" Hikaru eagerly took the plate from him. "Get me soup, too."

"Sure."

"Eat with me."

"All right." Hikaru sat down at the table and grabbed his plate of sushi. Akira promptly gave him his miso, and then went to make his own plate. Hikaru took a large gulp of pop and then started to eat his food. Akira looked over to him and smiled as he gathered some gyoza, katsu and rice. He sat the plate down, ladled himself some soup and grabbed a bottle of water. He joined Hikaru at the table. "Itadakimasu." Hikaru grinned close-mouthed at him.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"No, it's okay. Eat as you like."

"You didn't get a lot of meat…"

"I…ate while I cooked earlier." Hikaru smelled a lie, but he decided to let it go. He reached across the table and took a few more pieces of sushi and the bottle of soy sauce. "So…how do you like it? I know that…you like ramen more than anything, but…I thought I heard your mother say once that you like teriyaki, too?"

"Oh, yeah, it's the best," Hikaru said, overstating his mild interest in teriyaki. "And this is real great, too, Akira. Thanks." Akira reached over and stroked his wrist. It tingled, and goose bumps spread across the underside of his arm.

"No," Akira said. "Thank _you_." He looked down at his plate and began to nibble on the rice and sip the soup. Hikaru plopped some teriyaki on his plate and took one of his pieces of katsu. He stuffed the whole thing in his mouth and nodded with excitement.

"This is really good, too," he said. "You outdid yourself."

"Thank you," Akira said, his cheeks turning pink again. He was absolutely gorgeous.

"Are you going to eat some sushi?" Hikaru asked. "Here, this one tastes the best." He picked one with broiled salt-water eel and shrimp tempura up with his chopsticks, and then held it out for Akira to try it. Akira looked at him with playful hesitation. He held Hikaru's hand steady and ate the piece of sushi. His lips rubbed against both chopsticks. He leaned back slowly and remained holding on to Hikaru's hand as he chewed thoughtfully, his lips pursed tightly.

"My, it is good," he said. Hikaru felt something stir inside of him. He had meant simply to have Akira try the piece of sushi he liked the most to get him to eat more. However, unexpectedly, he'd opened the door to something deeper. He couldn't stop staring at Akira's lips. The thought that they had touched his chopsticks aroused him, and the graceful way he chewed only increased that feeling. Still staring at him, Hikaru grabbed a gyoza from his plate.

"Take a bite," he said to Akira. Akira nodded and bit into it. The stirring changed into a nervous buzz. Hikaru watched Akira chewing on the bite, then brought the rest to his own mouth. As he ate it, he felt heat pooling in his hips and he moaned in his throat. Akira smiled warmly at him, and for a split second, the irrational idea of knocking him to the floor and making love to him occurred to Hikaru. He tightly gripped his chopsticks.

"Is it that good?" Akira asked modestly. "I'm so pleased." Hikaru nodded; it was all he could do. He swallowed and closed his eyes. He urged himself to be calm. Looking down at his food, he decided to use it as a distraction. Eagerly, he began shoveling it into his mouth. It worked for a short while, but his mind steadily drifted back to the moment he ate food that had touched Akira's mouth. It seemed like an unusual turn-on, but he couldn't escape the fact that it was certainly effective.

"You're…an awesome cook." Akira reached up and stroked Hikaru's bang. Hikaru stiffened as he watched him.

"I am…so very pleased," Akira said. He let his hand trail down to Hikaru's shoulder and he squeezed it. The nervousness increased, followed by a series of naughty thoughts. Hikaru waited for them to pass, then tried to swallow. It was hard to do.

"Um… What's on the agenda for…after?" he asked as a change of subject.

"Oh, I don't know," Akira said, hunching his shoulders.

"Well, uh… Ahem…" Hikaru's throat was dry even though he was eating. He took a swig of his pop.

"Would you like to dance with me?" Akira asked. "It's still a good hour and a half before the countdown."

"Yeah… I'd love to dance with you." Akira smiled, and nodded.

"Then that's what we'll do." Eager to be able to do more things with Akira, Hikaru scarfed the rest of the food down. He helped Akira polish off his own plate, and then put the remaining food away. Akira finished the rest of his water as Hikaru waited by the door for him. He approached quickly and beamed at Hikaru as they entered the living room.

It was hot and humid in there. There was barely enough room to get around. Akira pulled Hikaru into the middle of it all and began to dance with him. Hikaru had a hard time seeing anything clearly because of the strobe lights. He didn't recognize anyone and he could barely watch Akira dancing. To make up for it, he moved closer to Akira, wrapped his arms around him and danced with him. Akira put an arm around his back and moved his face closer. He smelled like water lilies.

Hikaru felt a drop of sweat run down his back. The buzzing in his hips returned as Akira continued to move his body suggestively along Hikaru's. The baseline of the music was about the only thing Hikaru could hear, and Akira wasn't matching it. His eyes were vacant and his grip on Hikaru's body was tight. It was as if he was in a completely different world. The friction of heat between them was suffocating, but Akira continued to move as if it didn't bother him. As he shifted his body closer, they interlocked thighs.

Hikaru felt Akira, and Akira felt Hikaru.

Akira stopped. He raised his eyes to Hikaru's. Between the lights and the heavy music, Hikaru couldn't catch his expression. Then, suddenly, Akira's body detached from his and disappeared within the sea of dancing bodies.


	4. Kiss Me At Midnight

**Summary**: Hikaru and Akira cross the fine-line they walk in their rocky relationship, the line between rivals and lovers.

**Disclaimer**: Hikaru no Go is written by Yumi Hotta and the animated series was created by Studio Pierrot. Please do not construe the writing of this fanfiction as a claim to ownership in any way.

**3 – Kiss Me At Midnight**

Waya Yoshitaka was ravenously scarfing down katsu don with Mitani Yuki by his side, ogling him. Waya was wearing a dark green, ribbed tank top with army style pants and Mitani was also wearing his usual—red shirt underneath a thin, white long sleeved shirt with red suspenders—with tight jeans. His white shirt was hanging open and both shirts had been untucked from his pants. His suspenders were hanging loose around his hips. There was a black apple cap tugged down across his forehead, but Hikaru could still see his narrowed eyes watching Waya like a hawk.

Hikaru sat nervously at the kitchen table nursing a can of pop. He looked between the pair that had followed him into the kitchen. They were both bright red and short of breath, and had red hair plastered to their foreheads. Hikaru looked away from them. Though he had every intention of being faithful to Akira, his friends were looking quite handsome in their disheveled states.

"He'll be back, Shindo," Waya was saying, trying to breathe, eat and talk at the same time. He still managed to hold some confident edge to his tone.

"Why did he take off?" Mitani asked.

"I think I scared him."

"How?" both of his friends asked at the same time. Hikaru scratched his neck, hesitant to tell them.

"He sort of…got too close and he felt it." Hikaru swallowed hard.

"Hmm?" Mitani said. His eyes shifted to Hikaru's. "Sounds to me like he might have had a happy accident. And here you are, letting him clean up all by his lonesome."

"Pervert…" Hikaru muttered under his breath.

"You don't have to whisper it," Mitani said. "What do you think that tattoo was for?" Several weeks ago for his 18th birthday, Mitani told everyone who asked that he only wanted a tattoo. Hikaru took him to a parlor of Mitani's choosing and it had been one of the seediest places Hikaru had ever had the misfortune of entering. He'd waited in the lobby for him to receive the inking. Hikaru couldn't bear to watch; he had an inherent fear of needles. When he was done, Mitani came out from the back with his telltale smirk prominently showing on his face.

"Let's see it," Hikaru had said.

"It's so fucking awesome, Shindo. If you weren't such a prude, I'd repay you good for this." He turned and lifted his shirt. Hikaru carefully peeled back the padding to see it. Mitani tugged his pants down. There, on the fleshy part of his upper left buttock were the kanji for hentai. Hikaru had shrieked in disbelief, but this was Mitani they were dealing with. He was a hentai through and through—they had even started calling him that as a nickname. Later, after it healed enough, Mitani took a picture of it and used it as a user photo on every internet site they frequented. Thus, Mitani was hentai personified.

Waya finished his katsu don and put the bowl and chopsticks in the sink.

"Wouldn't be surprised," he said. "You know, Shindo? He was real nervous when we first showed up. He looked all uptight, and he kept asking us if we'd heard from you." Mitani scoffed.

"You should have seen what he was wearing. It's a good thing we're about the same size. I let him wear my stuff. Looks real cute now, wouldn't you agree?"

"Yeah…he looks great…" Hikaru said. "But you guys should be ashamed. He's probably feeling overwhelmed now."

"He'll be okay," Waya said. He walked over to the table and gulped down Hikaru's pop. Hikaru made a face at him. He never felt anything for anyone else when they shared food with him.

"That's how I know I love him…" he said, thinking aloud.

"What is?" Mitani asked.

"It's because…" Hikaru changed his mind about telling them about the chopstick incident. "Nothing…" he said. Mitani hooked a finger around one of Waya's belt loops.

"Time?" he asked. Waya checked his phone.

"Almost 11:15."

"Should we get ready?" Mitani asked.

"Yeah."

"What are we getting ready for?" Hikaru asked, looking eager.

"Nothing you need to concern yourself with," Waya said, handing him the near empty can. "You just find the host and get him ready in time for the countdown." Mitani pulled Waya towards a door on the other side of the table. He stopped under the frame and glanced up at the mistletoe. Why there was mistletoe up for a New Year's party, Hikaru didn't know. Waya smirked at him, and the pair starting kissing as they left the kitchen. Hikaru got up, finished the pop, tossed the can and started for the living room.

_Hikaru_?

"Sai?" Hikaru whipped around. Sai was watching him with wide eyes. "Hey…where have you been?"

_There __are __some_…_strange __things __going __on __tonight_. _Why __isn__'__t __anyone __playing __GO_? _Where __are __Toya __and __his __wife_? Hikaru chuckled at Sai.

"It's crazy, I know," he said. _But __it__'__s __all __right, __Sai_. _If __we __play __games, __I__'__ll __call __for __you_. _Until __then, __why __don__'__t __you __go __where __you __went __last __time_? _You __look __uncomfortable_.

_You __are, __too, __aren__'__t __you_?

_Yeah_… _A __little_. _But __I __really __want __to __stay __and __have __fun __with __everyone_… _I__'__ll __call __you __for __the __countdown, __okay_? Sai nodded.

_All __right_… _I__'__ll __go_… he said. _Oh_…_and __Hikaru_?

_Yeah_?

_No __more __of __that __naughty __behavior_. _You __should __be __ashamed, __you__'__re __much __too __young_! Hikaru chuckled.

_Oh, __I__'__ll __be __good_ he lied.

_Promise __me_ Sai said sternly. Hikaru scratched the side of his head.

_Oh, __man, __look __at __the __time_. _I__'__ve __got __to __go_… _Later, __Sai_…

_Hikaru! __Hikaru!_

Hikaru rushed into the living room and closed the kitchen doors as if to shut Sai out. He shuffled through the crowd and made it to the foyer before someone clasped their hand around his wrist. Hikaru turned to see who was there.

"Hikaru?" Fujisaki Akari asked, looking perplexed.

"Oh, hey doll face," Hikaru said, turning to her. "I didn't know you were coming."

"What?" Hikaru pulled her into the foyer and towards the front door where it wasn't as noisy.

"I said I didn't know that you were coming," Hikaru said. Akari smiled faintly.

"Yeah…" she said. "So…what's going on? I thought we would be playing GO."

"You and me both, babe. I talked to Akira. Apparently, Waya and Mitani took over when they got here." Akari looked enlightened.

"No wonder. I was just thinking…this isn't like Toya-kun at all," she said. Hikaru nodded.

"You having fun? You eat?"

"Yeah… I grabbed a bite before I came. Um…Hikaru?"

"Yeah?"

"Um… I'm still new to this whole thing…" she said. She looked nervous and her tone had gone quiet. Hikaru stepped up close to her to hear her better.

"What's up?"

"Well…this girl… She hit on me." Hikaru started chuckling and Akari took offense. "She did!" she said. "What do I do?"

"Tell her she's in a league of her own," Hikaru said.

"Be serious."

"Well, she is. Most everyone here likes guys, she's in the wrong place to be looking for company."

"I…don't want to hurt her feelings." Akari came closer to Hikaru and touched her hand to his chest. "I didn't know what to do."

"What'd you say?"

"Um…well she was like…telling me about how pretty I was and stuff like that and I told her thank you and stuff."

"And then?"

"And then she started dancing on me." Hikaru chuckled a little more.

"Was it fun, at least?" he asked.

"Well, she's a good dancer. But I was still uncomfortable." She took another step closer. "I just don't know what to do with myself," she said. Hikaru gave her a hug.

"Be frank with her. Tell her you think she's cool but that you're straight."

"Won't that hurt her feelings?"

"No other alternative." Akari took a deep breath as Hikaru let her go.

"Okay. You're right. And there's no reason for me to be nervous either."

"Nope." Another deep breath. Hikaru smiled at her. "You're something," he said. He gave her another quick hug. "I'm going to go seek out Akira. You'll be okay?"

"Uh-huh."

"Good." Hikaru kissed her forehead. "Be assertive!" he said as she entered the living room. She turned, smiled and waved, and then she was gone.

Hikaru kept straight into the hallway that led to the private rooms. Akira's bedroom was towards the back. That wing of the house was quieter than the kitchen and dining areas, so it was probably where Akira had gone. Hikaru reached the turn in the hall, but stopped when he heard water turn on in the bathroom. He backtracked a few steps and looked through the door, which was ajar.

Akira was looking in the bathroom mirror furiously brushing his hair and muttering something unintelligible to himself. Startled, Hikaru listened and tried to make out what he was saying, but couldn't over the sound of the water. Akira sat the brush down and looked at himself. Then he stopped talking long enough to splash water onto his face. Hikaru was about to back away when it dawned on him that Akira had been gone for about ten minutes. Had he been doing that in the bathroom the whole time? Concerned, Hikaru came forward and opened the door. Akira turned and looked at him as if he'd known he was there.

"Occupied," he said. His eyes were wide and he looked like he was hiding the fact that he was panicking, which Hikaru knew he was.

"Yeah, I see that. Are you all right?"

"What? Of course." Akira faced the mirror. "Of course I'm not all right. I have a house full of horny minors dancing and grinding to club music in my father's living room. I'm…I'm wearing pink and there's glitter in my hair… What if there are cameras? What if there are cameras and he never told me?" Hikaru was almost too stunned to say anything. He gripped the doorknob tighter.

"Uh…Akira… I don't think—"

"It won't come out," Akira said. "It just won't come out. It's…so loud in this house I can barely think. The neighbors will call and they'll come back because they'll be worried that something happened and vandals took over. I would…I would…never play the music this loud. They know that and that would make them turn back. What if they saw me like this?" Akira turned to Hikaru, looking completely bewildered.

"I don't think it will be a bi—"

"A little get together, I said. A few friends. We'll play GO and eat and watch the fireworks, I said. Nothing about techno dance music!" Akira picked up the brush and started on his hair again. "I can't let them see me this way. They'd think I was high and never let me see you again. Can you believe that?" Hikaru swallowed hard.

"But we love each other," he said.

"We do. _You__'__re_ not high on drugs and neither am I, but they'll blame you because they'll know about us from watching the video."

"What video?"

"The video in the hidden surveillance camera!" Akira said, turning to Hikaru. "It won't come out. They didn't tell me it was glitter!" Hikaru decided to intervene.

"All right, all right, time out," he said. He came into the bathroom, closed the door, snatched the brush from Akira's hand and sat him down on the toilet. He turned the water off and then stood with his arms folded. "Calm down."

"But—!"

"I said calm down." Akira's eyes were still panicked. He clasped his hands together and started to rock back and forth.

"Do you think I'm a slut?" he asked. Hikaru was so surprised and shocked, he couldn't hold in the chuckles like he wanted.

"You? You kidding me?"

"Do you?" Akira demanded breathily.

"No, I don't," Hikaru said quickly.

"I…I wanted…to flirt. But…I didn't think that I would start feeling the way I did. And then when we were dancing… I was so afraid of how I must have looked to you."

"You just looked really hot."

"But…not like a slut?"

"Hell, no. It's funny that you'd even ask me something like that. You and I are supposed to be together and I know you wouldn't cheat on me."

"I only wanted to flirt." Hikaru shrugged.

"It worked. You should be happy, not freaking out. And hey, if your parents come back, we'll just tell them what happened," Hikaru said. Akira shook his head and searched the bathroom with his eyes.

"How would they ever trust me again?" he murmured.

"You kidding? You haven't even done anything wrong, right? Mitani and Waya might be banned from here for life, but it's not like it would matter much because they never come here, anyway. I'd even tell your dad how you were freaking out in the bathroom trying to brush glitter out your hair." Hikaru chuckled. Akira looked tired and ashamed.

"Is…it funny?" he ventured to ask.

"If you brush it, it only makes it spread," Hikaru said. "Don't ask me how I know." Akira stopped rocking, but he kept wringing his hands. "Well, anyway, you look like you've calmed down… I think the music will be going off soon, so that's good."

"Will they really turn it off?" Akira asked, sounding hopeful.

"Apparently, we're coming up on the countdown."

"Already? Had we danced that long?" Hikaru reached down and stroked Akira's hair.

"It…was the hottest thing I've ever done." Akira cheeks became pink. He looked away, and then motioned towards the door.

"Well, I suppose there's no sense in us just standing around in here…" he said, though he was still sitting down. Hikaru followed him out of the bathroom and back towards the living room. The music had been turned down and the regular lights were on in place of the party lights. Everyone was crowded around the TV murmuring excitedly. Akira glanced back at Hikaru as they stopped at the top of the step.

"What's up?" Hikaru asked.

"I don't even know half of these people," Akira said. Hikaru smirked.

"That doesn't matter. They're just here to celebrate like everyone else." Akira frowned slightly to himself.

"I think I should know my own house guests," he said.

"Then introduce yourself." Akira gave Hikaru a blank look.

"They should be the ones introducing themselves to me," he said, indignant. "It's _my_ house." The door to the kitchen opened and Waya stuck his head out. When he spotted Hikaru and Akira, he motioned them over. Akira looked at Hikaru as if expecting him to respond first. Hikaru shrugged.

"They probably need help," he said, and he started walking towards the kitchen. Akira followed him quietly.

* * *

Waya, Mitani and Isumi were in the walk-in pantry compiling wine glasses with buckets of ice. There were numerous bottles of wine and sparkling cider. The cider was Akira's choice of drink for the small crowd he'd expected; he had no idea where the wine had come from. Apprehension was beginning to wear him down.

"Is that alcohol?" he asked, and to his surprise, his voice had become whiny. Isumi looked up at him.

"Yeah, it's wine," he said. "Don't worry. Some of us are of age."

"But…if this gets out… Underage drinking…" Akira shook his head. Mitani paused in settling the bottles into the ice. He gave Hikaru a look of displeasure.

"Shindo, what the hell? You frigid or what?" Hikaru looked surprised.

"What the hell did you just ask me?" he asked, offended.

"Why's he still all uptight?" Mitani asked.

"What's that gotta do with me being frigid?" Mitani scoffed.

"If you did it right, he wouldn't still be acting like there's a stick up his ass." Akira swallowed hard.

"Excuse me," he said. "What are you implying? I don't act like that, I'm perfectly fine. And what did you mean, frigid? The heat is working just fine." Both Waya and Isumi paused and they stared at Akira as if he'd grown another head.

"It don't mean nothing," Hikaru said, which meant that it definitely meant something of which Akira would probably never find out. Akira gave him a disapproving glance at his choice of words.

"At any rate, I don't think this is a good idea," he said with a sigh. "We could all get into serious trouble. None of us needs bad publicity at this stage in our lives."

"We ain't gonna get in any trouble," Mitani said, "because no one is going to find out." He started sticking the bottles into the ice again. Hikaru scratched the back of his head.

"It's just for tonight, Akira," he said. "Loosen up a little, live a little."

"I don't want to deal with drunks."

"No one's going to get drunk," Isumi said. "We only have a few bottles, so we have to spread it thin."

"And besides, Mitani's the wildest one here," Waya said. "And he doesn't even like to drink."

"Why anyone would want to be hosed halfway to hell when they're going at it is beyond me," Mitani said. "I like to have _fun_." Akira looked at him with disdain. Hikaru found it funny, but Mitani's vulgarity wasn't the least bit humorous to Akira. It was enough that he'd laughed at Akira's original outfit, something that Akira was still upset about, but he had the nerve to invite a group of strangers into his home. God forbid something came up missing, but Akira knew he would only have himself to blame in that case.

He'd wanted to impress Hikaru. He wanted him to think that he respected his friends. In some ways, he liked Waya and Isumi. He respected them as decent GO professionals, but they weren't a threat to him and so he wouldn't find himself "hanging out" with them if it weren't for Hikaru's involvement with them. They were a couple, and Akira respected that about them, as well. They had guts in an area where Akira had a tendency to falter. They were independent, and they were true to themselves. Akira had yet to achieve such a status in life.

Mitani, on the other hand, was another story. He was just an okay player, he wasn't even a professional. That already decreased Akira's esteem towards him; it didn't help that he was also a seedy individual. He flaunted his sexuality, and he was obnoxious, but in Akira's opinion, he had no right to act in such a manner. He simply wasn't productive enough in society for him to act with so much confidence and abandon. Also, Akira didn't like the closeness of the actions between this Mitani and his Hikaru. He hated feeling as if he would lose Hikaru to Mitani if he didn't move fast enough, but he didn't want Hikaru to think that he was _fast_.

"We all know how you do, Mitani," Hikaru said. "Anyway, they're watering it down, 'Kira, so no one'll get drunk." Hikaru took Akira's hand in his. "They can handle this. Let's go into the living room." Akira followed him closely as he walked towards the door.

"I don't know that I want to have this countdown with all of those strangers," he murmured.

"It's fun with strangers around you. It's just like when you go downtown and celebrate." Akira pursed his lips.

"I don't consider that fun…" he said.

"Then what do you want to do?"

"I want to spend it with you, Hikaru."

"What, alone?" Hikaru asked that as if it was hard for him to believe that Akira could ever want that. Akira looked away.

"Is that bad?" he asked. Hikaru chuckled and shook his head.

"No," he said. Then quietly, he added, "C'mon, 'Kira. D'ya wanna go to your room?"

"You make it sound so suspicious." Hikaru smirked. "We can go, but…be good." Hikaru chuckled.

"I'll be good," he said. Akira didn't believe him, but he decided he would see how the situation played out. They entered the living room. Hikaru looked over to the television as they crossed into the foyer.

"We've got like fifteen minutes, 'Kira," he said.

"Does that mean you don't want to come with me?" Akira asked unsurely.

"No, I was just saying." Akira glanced towards the crowd in front of the TV. How could anyone be sure that one of them wouldn't get drunk and wreak havoc?

"I don't really know any of them except for Fujisaki-san," Akira said. "No one that I invited stayed for very long."

"Really? That's a bummer."

"They dropped off New Year's gifts and left."

"Who?"

"Ogata-san, Ashiwara-san, Shira—" Hikaru's hand gripped Akira's tighter.

"Hmph," he grumbled. Akira didn't understand the reaction. "Who else?" Akira hesitated in telling him.

"Well…are you upset?" he asked carefully.

"No."

"You seem upset." Hikaru looked down at him. Indeed, his eyebrows were furrowed and his lips were taut. Akira rocked his hand. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing…" Hikaru said. "I'm just glad they didn't stay."

"But I'd made all that food. I think they thought…after Waya-kun and Mitani-kun showed up, that it would be a younger crowd and they excused themselves."

"Good." Akira paused.

"Why is that good?"

"Because I don't like the way they act around you." Akira frowned slightly. What did Hikaru mean by that?

"And just how is that?"

"Oh, like you don't know." Akira let Hikaru's hand go and folded his arms.

"I _don__'__t_ know," he said. "Why don't you tell me, Hikaru, just how that is?"

"I'm not going to do it here," Hikaru said, motioning towards the living room.

"We can take it outside, if you'd like."

"I thought we were going to your room." Akira flung his hand towards the foyer and moved his head. Hikaru scoffed and walked past him. Akira followed him with his arms again folded across his chest.

It was New Year's Eve. They were in the middle of a party and the countdown was due. It was no time to be fighting, but Akira wouldn't calm down until he got an explanation. Hikaru let himself into Akira's room and turned quickly. Akira slammed the door behind him.

"Well?" he asked, gesturing grandly with his arms. "Why don't you enlighten me, Hikaru?"

"Like you don't know," Hikaru said again. "The way they're always all up on you like they own you or something. I don't like that."

"Excuse me?" Akira asked, confused. Hikaru's speech had turned into a slangy rush of words that Akira had a hard time following, but he was sure he'd gotten the gist of it and it ticked him off.

"Yeah, I said it. Maybe if you stop acting all coy around them all the time, they wouldn't baby you like they know you like that."

"What is with you?" Akira asked. "They don't act that way, and neither do I."

"The hell you don't. Always looking all shy and innocent whenever that damned Ashiwara's flirting with you." Akira's eyes bugged out and his mouth hung agape.

"W—what?"

"I don't like it, so you'd better stop it."

"You're crazy," Akira said, pointing at him. "I don't know what you think is going on, but it's nothing like that. I don't want to be with Ashiwara-san. How can you say we flirt together?"

"Oh, let's see, maybe it's because he's always all up on you like he know you like that?"

"What does that even mean?" Akira asked. "'Like he knows me like that?' What does that mean?"

"He be acting like you with him and I don't like it." Akira stood up straighter.

"You're delusional," he said. "I don't flirt with _anyone_ besides you. I don't want to be with him, I didn't choose to be with _him_. Or is there some confusion about that?"

"You invited him," Hikaru said, still frowning in anger. Akira took in a sharp breath, completely nonplussed by how much sense Hikaru was not making. At all.

"Why are you acting as if you don't know who he is to me, to my family? He's always going to be invited to gatherings here, him and Ogata-sensei."

"I don't like it."

"What do you want me to do about it?" Akira asked. "Tell them both that they're no longer invited to a home in which I don't pay a single due because my over-zealously green with envy boyfriend "doesn't like it"?" Hikaru stared at Akira as if Akira should have accepted his answer as a resounding yes. "I've said it once, I'll say it again, Hikaru. You are _delusional_."

"Maybe it's just that I'm in love with you. They don't love you like I love you, 'Kira."

"You're right, Hikaru, they don't. They are good friends to the family. I am the son of their instructor and that is it. What you and I have, Hikaru, is completely separate from anything that I have ever had with anyone."

"So why do you flirt with him, 'Kira?" Hikaru said, shoulders sinking and eyebrows sad. Akira shook his head in disbelief.

"But I'm telling you that I don't."

"If he was really just a friend of the family and you don't like him, then why even invite him?"

"Do you know how long I've known him, Hikaru? I can't just throw that away. It would be completely unfair to not invite him, or Ogata-san." Hikaru folded his arms, pouted and looked away. Akira sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Hikaru, you don't have to worry about anything now."

"But I do," Hikaru said. "Because he likes you and I know he does."

"But that has nothing to do with _us_," Akira said. "You're assuming, first off, that he likes me, which he doesn't, and that I'm responding to this so called flirting, which I am most certainly not."

"Sometimes when people come on strong, people get confused."

"But he doesn't flirt with me."

"He does too!

"He does not, Hikaru!"

"He _does_!" Hikaru's last exclamation was so loud, it hurt Akira's left ear drum. He scowled and balled his fists. He wasn't going to let Hikaru insult him or his family's friends any longer.

"No, do you wanna know who's really flirting with whom here? It's that _damned _Mitani, that's who! If you're so worried about Ashiwara-kun's imaginary flirting and wanting to take me away, then maybe you should turn your attention to the guy that's really doing it! Tell _him_ to stop flirting with _you_, then Hikaru! It's completely disrespectful and if he does it to my face one more time, then…then I'm just going to slap him!"

* * *

Hikaru backed away a step, stunned. Akira looked much like he did the day they played their game as third chairs in the middle school GO tournament that turned out to be so pivotal for them. It seemed like ages ago. Hikaru had wished that he would never be on the receiving end of that look again. It made him feel like scum, and he loved Akira too much to bear the weight of that look.

It was true that Mitani wanted him. It was true that he flirted openly with him. But Hikaru knew in his heart that he didn't want to be with Mitani. Mitani got around, to put it lightly, and that made him unattractive. And…he wasn't _Toya_. Akira was just different. The chemistry they had and the history they had made their relationship one that was so unique and illustrious that Hikaru would never jeopardize it for anyone or anything.

He realized that he was wrong to accuse Akira when he was guilty of the very same thing. He deserved to be looked upon with such malice and scorn. What he had to do now was figure out what he could do to make Akira feel better. Mitani wasn't worth hurting Akira, and if he couldn't respect their relationship and stop with his amorous advances, then Hikaru was going to have to cut him off.

A celebratory uproar pulled Hikaru from his thoughts. Those in the living room were whooping and hollering. For a brief moment, Hikaru was confused about what was going on, but then it dawned on him. The countdown. They had missed the countdown arguing, and it was Hikaru's own fault. Quickly, he came forward and reached for Akira's hand.

"No!" Akira said, pulling away sharply. "Not until you tell him."

"Forget about that for now, 'Kira, it's midnight!"

"So what?" Akira asked, still in the zone. He pulled away when Hikaru tried to reach for his arm again. Hikaru looked towards the clock in the room. It still read midnight, but it didn't give how many seconds had passed.

"So, we're supposed to kiss at midnight!" Hikaru said, panicked. Akira was dumbfounded. Hikaru looked at the clock again.

"What?" Akira asked. "Why?"

"We just are. Wouldn't that be romantic?"

"Romantic? What are you talking about? Are you mad at me, or aren't you?" On his next attempt, Hikaru succeeded in grabbing Akira's wrist. He tugged him towards him, and kissed him firmly on the lips.

Akira squeaked in surprise, his entire body tense as Hikaru grasped him within his arms. From the soles of his feet, Hikaru felt his blood rise and pool within his body and his heart thundered heavily against his chest. As he tried to pull away to compose himself, Akira's lips attached to his with suction so forceful, it caused their noses to bump together painfully. Akira's body relaxed and he rested his weight against Hikaru's body. Holding him so tightly, Hikaru could feel that Akira's pulse was just as rapid as his own.

As the kiss weakened, Akira made a small, kitten-like noise and he rested his head on Hikaru's shoulder. Hikaru blinked for a few moments, and then looked down at Akira's hair. His hair smelled sweet and was shiny and silky. Hikaru kissed his crown and squeezed him.

"I…I love you, 'Kira." Akira held him tighter.

"Yes…yes, I know. I love you, too."

"And we made it. Kissing at midnight is good luck. And it was my first kiss, too." Akira lifted his head quickly.

"Really?" he asked. His eyes were wet with tears. Hikaru became concerned.

"Why you crying, 'Kira?" Akira smiled and shook his head, causing a tear to roll down his cheek. Red, he hid his face from Hikaru.

"You're my first kiss, too," he said. "I…I like this."

"Me…too…" Hikaru swallowed hard and nudged Akira's forehead with his nose. "Do you…d'ya wanna make out?" Akira lifted his head to scold Hikaru with his expression.

"We have guests," he said. "I wonder when…they'll call it a night."

"Whenever you tell them to. It's your house, right? So let's kick them out."

"It would probably be best… No one could have gotten drunk this quickly." Slowly, Akira let Hikaru go. He wiped his eyes and cleared his throat. "And if I offer them food, they won't be offended…" he murmured. It was a strange thing to say, and so Hikaru thought that he'd misheard him.

"What?"

"Nothing," Akira said. "Let's just…end this peacefully, okay?" Hikaru nodded and followed him out of the room.


	5. You Belong To Me

**Summary**: Hikaru and Akira cross the fine-line they walk in their rocky relationship, the line between rivals and lovers.

**Disclaimer**: Hikaru no Go is written by Yumi Hotta and the animated series was created by Studio Pierrot. Please do not construe the writing of this fanfiction as a claim to ownership in any way.

**4 – You Belong To Me**

"Good night," Akira said, addressing his houseguests as they shuffled out of the front door. "Drive safe. Yes, thank you. Goodnight, Fujisaki-san. It was very nice seeing you again. Thank you for coming. Please, be safe. Thank you. Goodnight." At last, there was only Hikaru, Waya, Isumi and Mitani. Akira avoided Mitani's eyes as he started to usher them out.

"You guys gonna hang for a bit?" Hikaru asked. "Help clean up?"

"Looks like this one can't wait for us to leave," Mitani said, giving Akira a look that told him that he was wise to his motives.

"You've all done enough," Akira said, lowering his hands. "And cleaning will take some time. I simply want to get started sooner than later." Mitani scoffed.

"Right," he said. He reached up to grab hold of Hikaru's wrist. Hikaru let him, but he pulled away when he saw the skin on the bridge of Akira's nose wrinkle.

"Hey, guys," Hikaru said with a nervous chuckle. "'Kira and I are an item now, so no more acting all chummy." Mitani's eyes narrowed slightly.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he asked, shifting his eyes to Akira. "Just because you're with _him_ doesn't mean we can't still be close." Akira's eyes rose to meet Mitani's, and they challenged each other with their glares. How dare he try to enact rules on their relationship? Akira huffed in outrage and nudged Hikaru. Hikaru looked at him, and Akira motioned towards Mitani, expecting Hikaru to nip his designs on interfering with their relationship in the bud.

"Actually, it kinda does…" Hikaru said, and he made that nervous chuckling sound again. Akira lifted his chin after nodding, confident now.

"That's right," he said. "Hikaru and I are officially a couple, which means that you are no longer permitted to flirt with him." Waya chuckled a little.

"Damn, you got told," he said. "By Toya." Mitani rolled his jaw in displeasure. Hikaru's expression showed that he was torn, but so long as he didn't dispute Akira's words, Akira wouldn't complain. He took Hikaru's hand in his and squeezed it.

"Whatever," Mitani said. "You can both be prudes and ride off into the fucking sunset together for all I care." He snatched his jacket from the open closet and forcefully slipped it on. Hikaru pouted slightly.

"Don't be mad," he said. "We'll still hang out, and stuff."

"Sure," Mitani said. He walked passed Akira, glaring icily at him as he did so. "So long as he ain't tagging along."

"You gonna go?" Waya said quickly, probably hoping to spare the situation more drama. "Shouldn't we clean up a little?"

"They can handle it, it's not a fucking mosh pit," Mitani said. He looked to Hikaru. "So I guess this means no kiss goodbye?" The skin on Akira's nose wrinkled towards his forehead.

"What?" he breathed. He looked to Hikaru, who averted his eyes guiltily. "What…does that mean?"

"We do that sometimes, it doesn't mean anything," Waya said, shaking his hands towards Akira. "Mitani's just trying to rile you up, obviously." Mitani cut his eyes, and then looked at Hikaru. Waya sighed. "We should go, guys," he said. Isumi nodded. He took his and Waya's coats from the closet. He helped Waya to dress before slipping on his own coat. Mitani's eyes were still focused on Hikaru.

"I was serious," he said quietly. "And besides…there's mistletoe." Akira looked towards the door and saw that there was indeed a speck of green poking out from the top of the door. He had closed the mistletoe into the door by accident.

"Well, I'll just take care of that," Akira said. He opened the door and snatched the mistletoe down from the lintel. "There. You can just have this back because I don't want it." Mitani's eyes had not left Hikaru's, ignoring Akira.

"Mitani…" Hikaru said. "Don't be mad… Okay…?" Mitani lowered his head so that his bangs covered his eyes.

"If I had've known that he'd be this way…" he muttered. He shook his head and looked at Akira. His eyes shifted up and down. "I'll be back for those," he said as he shuffled out the door. After a few steps, he paused. "Those are probably the only reason he bothered with you tonight," he said. He looked at Akira over his shoulder. "He's always liked them on me, you know?" Akira took in a sharp breath and looked about to shout something, but Mitani had hurried away.

"Well, now that was interesting," Isumi sighed. He looked at Waya. Waya looked intrigued. "What's that look for?"

"Mitani's…kinda mad," Waya said. "It's always _real_ interesting when he's mad." Hikaru lowered his shoulders.

"Geez, Waya," he said. "Spare us, okay?" Akira looked between them, closing the door slightly against the cold air.

"I don't understand," he said. "What is always interesting?"

"It's nothing, 'Kira," Hikaru said. "These guys were just leaving, ain't that right?" Waya nodded.

"Later, guys," he said, moving towards the door. "C'mon Isumi, before he takes off on foot or something."

"I highly doubt that, Waya," Isumi said, crossing the threshold after him. Hikaru waved to them.

"Night," he said.

"Drive safe," Akira said.

"Have fun, Shindo," Waya said. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"Yeah, like there's a lot of _that_ to choose from," Hikaru joked. Waya chuckled playfully, and turned back to the door.

"Too mad you called me out like that," he said. "Later."

"Don't stay up too late," Hikaru said, waving again.

"Goodnight," Akira called. He backed into the house and closed the door. He rolled the mistletoe in his hands for a moment and then looked at Hikaru. There was a glint of mischief in Hikaru's eyes. He took Akira's hand and gently raised it over Akira's head, then leaned towards him to kiss him. Akira was about to oblige, but then he paused. "Wait," he said.

"What?" Hikaru asked, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. "What's up?"

"He said that you've kissed before."

"Well, not on the lips, 'Kira. Not like me and you kissed."

"But…it was intimate."

"No, it was just saying goodbye. Like…like this." Hikaru tilted his head and lightly pecked Akira on the side of the mouth. Akira blushed from the sheer closeness of their actions, and then hummed in satisfaction. "But…but it didn't feel that good, though…" Hikaru said. Hesitantly, he leaned in again, closing his eyes. Akira closed his eyes also, and allowed himself to be kissed on the lips.

Hikaru let his hand go to wrap his arms around him. The fabric of their clothes rubbed together, and it was then that Akira remembered what he was wearing and Mitani's parting words. The way that Mitani had acted on his way out only strengthened Akira's fears. He knew how stubborn and pushy Mitani could be, and it didn't ease his feelings knowing that he was mad. He stopped kissing Hikaru and looked away, upset. Hikaru made an irritated noise.

"'Kira…"

* * *

Akira flashed him an aggravated look and Hikaru shut his mouth. Akira shifted uncomfortably, and looked down at himself.

"What did he mean by…you've always liked him in this?" he asked, moving his arms.

"I dunno," Hikaru said, though he did know. He _had_ always liked that outfit on Mitani, but he didn't see why he should give Akira any more reason to worry. "It's cuter on you, but, hey… Why don't you change out of it? No sense keeping it on this late."

"I probably should change. I don't know what possessed me to wear these in the first place…"

"Because you wanted me to think you looked hot, probably," Hikaru said, and Akira looked caught. Hikaru smirked. "You look hot in your own clothes, 'Kira," he said.

"I…I know…" Akira said. He tucked a few strands of hair behind one ear, and then patted his head. "What happened to the hat?" he asked.

"I don't know. You were brushing your hair, so maybe it's in the bathroom."

"Oh…" Akira looked about himself. "Well, at any rate, I should change and then we'll clean up."

"Okay." Akira excused himself and left the room. Hikaru stood around for a moment, and then went into the kitchen. He searched for a broom and found one with a dustpan in the pantry. He went back out into the living room and began to sweep, but then realized it was probably best to pick up the larger clutter first. He went back into the kitchen to grab the garbage can. He was still silently deflating balloons and tossing remnants of a yellow cake that he hadn't been able to get a piece of before the others had eaten it right after the countdown when Akira emerged from the private quarters.

He was wearing a lavender men's kimono and a white pair of hakama with tabi on his feet. The sleeves of the kimono were tied back and out of the way. Hikaru's eyebrows furrowed as he watched him step down into the living room. Akira smiled at him, but the smile faded when he saw Hikaru's expression.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Why…why'd you get all dressed up, 'Kira…?" Hikaru asked.

"Dressed up?" Akira asked. He looked down at himself. "Oh, don't be silly. These are my house clothes."

"But…they look nice. Aren't we gonna go to bed soon?"

"Oh, are you staying the night?" Hikaru panicked for a moment. He could have sworn that Akira promised that they would further their relationship the night of the party.

"Well, yeah," he said. "Tonight's special, isn't it?"

"Special?" Akira asked. "Special, how?"

"Like, special for us."

"Oh, I don't know, Hikaru," Akira said in an accusing tone. "I'm feeling quite perturbed at the moment, what with the goings on between us and then later with that Mitani."

"Yeah, but…that's in the past now."

"I won't forget that so easily," Akira said, hands now on his hips. He was too handsome for words. Hikaru thought about flattering him to make him feel better, but it probably wasn't the best idea to continue to allude to how physically attractive Hikaru found him when he was still mad. Hikaru scratched the back of his head, admonished.

"How can I make it up to you?"

"I don't know just yet," Akira said. "But…just for tonight, if you stay, I don't want to involve myself in something I may regret later on. It seems…there are things that we need to talk about, Hikaru, before we…consummate our love." Again, Hikaru was tempted to compliment Akira. His eloquence was one of the many things that Hikaru loved about him. However, Hikaru could only see Akira rolling his eyes if he tried to compliment him, so he kept his words to himself.

"Okay…" Hikaru said. "I understand."

"We can talk later, but for right now, let's finish up with cleaning." As Akira walked by him to approach the service cart that held the wine and glasses, Hikaru got a whiff of more floral goodness. He couldn't help himself any longer. Saying just one nice thing couldn't hurt.

"You…smell really good," he said. Akira raised his eyes towards the ceiling, but didn't completely roll them. "And I'm not just saying that. I mean…I'm always thinking these things, but I've never been able to just tell you before, 'Kira. So…maybe I just want to say them now just because I can."

"But I already know how you feel about me," Akira said.

"Not all the way."

"Enough," Akira said. "Enough…to satisfy me." Hikaru sighed and started deflating the last of the balloons. They got through the living room in a span of twenty minutes, and then moved on to the kitchen. Hikaru washed the dishes while Akira put all of the food away.

"Looks like we'll have a hearty breakfast tomorrow," Akira said.

"Yeah." Hikaru looked over to Akira as he pondered how to best fit everything into the refrigerator, which was full enough without the night's dishes. His eyes drifted to the shelves in the fridge, falling on a clear container which he was sure contained the tiramisu. "Hey, let's eat that tonight." Akira looked over to him.

"Eat what?"

"Dessert."

"Oh, the tiramisu? But it has caffeine. We'll be up all night."

"Then we'll eat small pieces. Pleeeease?" Akira gave him an odd look as he pulled the container out of the fridge.

"All right," he said. "Are you almost done?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Are you still staying over?"

"Yeah," Hikaru said quickly. "Why are you asking? Why wouldn't I?"

"Perhaps because I dashed your hopes of intimacy?" Akira said. Hikaru stared at him. What the hell kind of thing was that to say?

"But that's assuming that's all I want," Hikaru said. Akira tsked.

"That's all boys your age ever want." Hikaru lowered the dish he was rinsing.

"Akira, you _are_ a boy my age."

"Yes, but I have more important things on my mind, thank you very much."

"Such as?"

"GO, for one."

"I think about GO," Hikaru said, pouting even though Akira couldn't see him. He continued rinsing the dishes. "I think about GO all the time."

"I would venture to say that you think about me and about sexual things more often."

"Uh-huh, and why would you say that?"

"That would be because it's true. That's why you're always so distracted and that is why you kept canceling our game."

"Oh…" Hikaru chewed on his bottom lip. Akira was right. It made Hikaru look like a chump, and that was why he didn't want to admit it, but he couldn't deny the truth. Akira closed the refrigerator door and started to prepare two slices of the tiramisu.

"It's so moist," he said after cutting into it. "Oh, I know. We can have this while out in the garden." Hikaru turned the water off and shook his hands. He wiped them on a dish towel as he looked at Akira.

"Garden?" he asked. Akira nodded, and it was clear by his expression that he was looking forward to it. "Okay," Hikaru said. He didn't know who sat out in a garden in the middle of winter, but if it made Akira happy, he would go along with it.

"I'll get you some clothes."

"Okay." Akira shuffled towards the kitchen door. Hikaru chuckled at him. "You totally look like Kenshin," he said. Akira turned to him.

"Who?" he asked.

"It's a character on TV," Hikaru said. "You wouldn't know him, but you totally look like him right now." Akira smirked.

"That must mean he's cute," he said. Akira's vanity would be the death of him, Hikaru was certain.

"For an anime character, sure," he said with a shrug.

"Oh, it's a cartoon?" Akira asked. For the briefest of moments, one of his eyebrows lifted in question, but then he left the kitchen. The expression was one that Hikaru wished he could have taken a picture of, because it was one he'd never seen before and it was unbearably cute. Hikaru was already prepared for the rush of heat that usually came after Akira made a cute face. He leaned against the counter and rubbed his cheek.

No one had ever made him feel that way before. When he'd first met Akira, he could only remember ever being intimidated by him, and then later, jealous and ready to surpass him as he learned more about GO. Then, suddenly, Akira grew up. He had gotten taller and thinned out. His features had grown more refined and his mannerisms had become even more graceful, if possible. He still had his "zero to sixty" mood swings when it came to being denied whatever he wanted, but that was okay by Hikaru because it only endeared him to his competitor further.

Akira was different from Mitani, Waya and Isumi. There were temptations with his friends, because they had such open relationships. They were often inviting Hikaru over for the night, and Hikaru would refuse, knowing what would likely happen before night's end. He didn't want to be lured into that type of mischief because he knew how much it would turn him off to Akira, and so he behaved himself. The thought that Akira himself was virtually brimming with sexual innocence only excited him and he wanted Akira to be excited about him in the same way.

* * *

Akira searched through his closet for the perfect thing for Hikaru to wear. Among the few things Akira could admit to loving, his home was one of them. He liked to dress in clothes that matched the house. He loved to prepare tea and join his mother in tending to her garden. While Toya Akiko would never be known for GO, she was well-renowned for her skills in horticulture. Her garden and koi pond were a wonder that very few people had had the honor of seeing in person. Akira wanted Hikaru to see it, but not unless he was properly attired.

Akira chose a kimono of heavier fabric along with hakama and kaori. It would be nice to see Hikaru in their nation's fashions instead of the Western style clothing that was the order of the day. He would be dressed tastefully for once. If there was one thing Akira wanted to change about Hikaru, it would be his horrendous fashion sense.

He took the clothes and neatly laid them across the bed. He went back into his closet and grabbed two pairs of setta for them to wear outside. He walked with them into the kitchen where Hikaru was sneaking a taste of the tiramisu. He turned quickly mid-chew with his eyes wide as Akira walked up to him.

"You're naughty," Akira said. "There are clothes on the bed for you. Would you like me to run you a bath later, or is it too late?"

"A bath?" Hikaru asked. "Nah, I'll take a shower in the morning."

"Okay." Hikaru swallowed his bite and patted his stomach.

"It's good as hell," he said.

"Language," Akira gasped. Hikaru smirked.

"Gomen…" Akira sighed as Hikaru left. He cut two pieces and set them on dessert plates. He took two small forks from the utensil drawer and started a pot of herbal tea. He prepared a tray upon which he placed the plates, the teapot and two matching tea mugs. He then crossed the room to unlock the door leading to the back porch and garden.

A gentle, warm breeze came over him, causing him to smile. He felt along the wall of the porch and flipped on the lights. Lamps across the fence and the paved walkway flickered on. Akira glanced around as the garden came into view, a wide expanse of thoughtful floral arrangements along a stone path that led to the pond. The entire porch had to remain heated in order to keep the garden and pond operational year round and also to keep Akiko dutifully occupied during the winter. It was covered in a large, elaborate tent that kept the cold air and elements out, but that let sunshine in. Through it, Akira could see the moon, but the stars were harder to discern. Still, it was a beautiful night, or morning, rather, and he couldn't wait to share it with his newfound love.

He turned to reenter the house and saw Hikaru standing at the table looking over the tea service. Akira blushed at the sight of him, for he looked broad and handsome in their country's garb. The navy hakama was in stark contrast to the light blue kaori and even lighter green kimono. When he noticed Akira, Hikaru shook his bangs from his eyes and held out his hands.

"How do I look?"

"You look amazing," Akira said. Apparently in saying that, Akira took him by surprise. Hikaru looked sheepish and blushed.

"Thanks…" he said.

"Were you able to tie it tight?"

"Yeah, I managed. It's the easy type, so it wasn't all that hard."

"Yes," Akira said. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah." Akira released the tie that held his sleeves back and shook the sleeves down his arms. He picked up the tray and motioned towards the door. "Please, follow me."

"Okay." Akira led him onto the porch. He sat the tray on a small table near the porch swing. Hikaru sat down at Akira's urging and waited patiently as Akira poured the tea and served him his slice of cake. Akira took up his own cake and sat next to Hikaru.

* * *

Hikaru glanced around the garden as he ate. It was fancy and expensive looking. It was small wonder why he'd never really been in it before. He knew that Akira's room opened out to it because he had mentioned it before, but the doors that led to it were sealed for the winter and had been covered whenever Hikaru had entered the room in the past. Hikaru wondered why they were sealed when it was so warm in the garden. Distantly, he heard the sound of a fountain reed as it was continuously filled with and then subsequently emptied itself of water.

"This is nice, 'Kira," he said. "I like it."

"Thank you. I will be sure to tell mother."

"Oh, she did this?"

"Yes. She wins many contests with her beautiful designs." Hikaru pursed his lips and nodded, impressed.

"That's cool," he said. He ate more of the coffee-laced cake. "This is so good," he said after a short period of silence.

"Why, thank you," Akira said. Hikaru looked over to him.

"Can I ask you something, 'Kira?"

"Certainly."

"Do you feel…relaxed right now?" Akira thought for a moment, then took in a deep breath as he looked around the garden.

"I am," he said. "It is a very pleasant evening."

"You…don't have to be so proper so late at night," Hikaru said. "I won't tell."

"I'm being myself," Akira said.

"Everybody has a side of themselves that's exhausted and lazy in everyway," Hikaru said. "The side that dresses in holey t-shirts and sweats and pigs out in front of the TV while scratching themselves."

"That sounds like everyday "evening Shindo" to me," Akira said with a smirk.

"Yeah," Hikaru said. "That side of me is a common side. Everybody knows that side, just like your proper side is your common side. My proper side probably comes out every once in a blue moon like your "evening Shindo" side. I just wish I could see it."

"Well, the same goes for me, Hikaru. Just once I'd like to see you act with decorum. I know you have it in you somewhere." Hikaru smiled and let silence linger before a thought occurred to him.

"You know, I think the kid and Isumi have known each other for longer than we have, but they still don't call each other by their first names."

"Why do you suppose that is?"

"I don't know. It's routine, maybe?"

"I think it's something deeper," Akira said. He took a dainty bite of his cake. Hikaru had to force himself to look away from his mouth, becoming uncomfortably hot underneath his layers.

"Like what?"

"I think it may be…how they address each other even when they're alone."

"Really? You'd think they'd just use their first names. I would."

"I don't know…" Akira said. "I think…using one's family name…could have its appeal." Hikaru looked at Akira. He would never have expected him to feel that way.

"You…think?" Akira nodded.

"Yes. You and I…are the only one's outside of family allowed to call each other by our first names. Even your closest friends don't call you Hikaru, and it makes me feel as if you are truly mine when I say your name."

"Akari calls me Hikaru."

"But you once told me that she's like a baby sister to you," Akira said. "And so…I see her as your family."

"Ogata and that Ashiwara guy call you Akira sometimes."

"They are like family to me, however," Akira said, becoming impatient. "I don't have much family. My father's study group has watched me grow since I was very young… They are my family." Hikaru nodded. "As I was saying, I think that…once we become intimate, in our play we can experiment with using our given names. It is…familiar. _Shindo_."

"You said…'our play'…? That sounds…so hot…" In actuality, most of what Akira was saying was hot. Hikaru couldn't argue against the fact that while he did feel closer to Akira in being able to call him as such, there was still some hidden charm in calling him Toya. It made him feel possessive for some odd reason, but he wouldn't tell Akira that.

"Well, I want our intimate moments to be fun," Akira said. "I want to…experiment often. It will help me to learn more about you. Then I will be closer to being the one who knows everything about you." Akira said his last sentence quietly, as if he didn't want Hikaru to hear it clearly. Akira took another tiny nibble of his cake. The forks they were using were silver and fancy, but they were small. Akira looked posh when he ate, possibly because he wasn't cramming forkfuls three times the size the fork was meant to hold at a time into his mouth. But that was the difference between Hikaru and Akira, and it made Hikaru feel as if they were well-matched opposites, as black was to white.

Hikaru sat his empty plate aside, moved closer to Akira and wrapped an arm around his waist. Akira placed his plate on the table and leaned into him. Hikaru nudged the side of his face. When Akira looked up at him, he leaned in for a kiss. Akira accepted it, wrapping his hand around Hikaru's wrist and squeezing it. He pulled away first and gave Hikaru a stern look.

"I don't ever want to have to fight for your attention," he said. "I am worried about that… That they will try to hog you in your free time."

"I won't let them."

"You'd better not. I don't want to ever hear that they know anything about what transpires between us in our private moments. It simply will not be tolerated."

"I…I won't say nothing." Akira's eyes narrowed.

"And if…I ever, _ever_ hear that Mitani call you Hikaru…" he said in warning, "…there will be hell to pay. That honor is exclusively _mine_." Hikaru swallowed hard, and nodded nervously.

"I won't let him use it," he said. "I won't tell him it's okay if he asks." Akira relaxed a little.

"I'm glad you understand. Do you have any requests for me?" he asked.

"Just that I get to see "sloppy evening Shindo" Akira every once and a while. Like, when you come stay the night at my place."

"Well, that wouldn't be the end of the world," Akira said. "All right."

"And just that…when we start doing it, that you don't get mad if I wanna do it a lot."

"If you keep referring to it in such a vulgar manner—!" Akira said, startled. "We will never 'do it.' We are a proper couple, we are in love." Hikaru made an apologetic face.

"I'm sorry, 'Kira…" he said. "What I meant to say was…when we become intimate, please don't get mad if I want to be intimate a lot." Akira looked away for a moment, and then looked back at Hikaru. A sly look had overcome his features. He traced circles along Hikaru's wrist and although he was hot, goose bumps spread across his arm and up towards his shoulder.

"I won't complain," Akira began, "because while I am dedicated to GO, I am still indeed a healthy young man. You have long been my least explored obsession… I won't let you down…if you don't let me down…_Shindo_-_san_…" Akira's voice had gone husky, and when he said Hikaru's name, Hikaru felt the effects needle through the nerves of his groin.

"To…ya…" he stammered. Akira looked pleased with Hikaru's reaction. He came forward and gave him a feather light kiss on the lips. "I can't wait…"

"Prove to me…that you are as dedicated to owning me as I am to owning you, Hikaru, and you won't have to wait very long." Hikaru nodded, sure that his face showed his determination.

"I'll do whatever it takes," he said.

After dessert, Akira did a final walk through of the house while Hikaru stripped down to his kimono to wear to bed. When Akira came to the bedroom, he was also wearing only his kimono and socks. Hikaru stood expectantly by Akira's bed, awaiting the moment he would finally cuddle with Akira alone in the dark. To his dismay, he found that Akira had other things in mind.

"Since you are my personal guest here, Hikaru, you may take my bed if you'd like and I will sleep in the guest room."

"We can't sleep together?" Hikaru asked, horror clouding his features.

"Oh, my, no. How inappropriate."

"But—but—but…we're in love. You said it yourself."

"There would be very little keeping us on good behavior if we shared my bed on such a night," Akira said, shaking his head slightly. "We should take separate rooms, to ensure that our first time will be a proper time."

"'Kira…" Hikaru complained. Akira walked over to him and held his hands.

"Be good," he said. "It will be amazing, I promise you."

"I know."

"You're the type to eat the meal while you prepare it, instead of waiting until it is ready and plated. I am the type to enjoy the meal when it is ready, and just right."

"I know, you don't have to get all wordy on me." Akira smirked.

"You're welcome to anything here outside of my parent's quarters," he said.

"And you," Hikaru mumbled. Akira smiled fully, and his eyes crinkled unfamiliarly. Hikaru wished again that he could capture that image. He wished that Akira would continue to show him new and utterly irresistible sides of himself. He now knew what Akira meant when he said he wanted to learn everything about Hikaru. He wanted that, too, for both of them. They had a long road ahead of them, both in their private lives and in their professional lives. Just as they struggled to excel by using each other to propel themselves forward as pros, similarly, they would continue to grow and mature personally. And they would live it day to day until one day, they knew each other so well that they became each other's breaths.

The End

* * *

Thank you for reading. A continuation is coming soon.

Arima


	6. But What About Our Date?

**Summary**: A continuation to New Year's Eve at the Touya's. Hikaru and Akira begin their relationship, running into both foreseen and unexpected hardships along the way. Will they be able to maintain their love for each other in the wake of adversity?

**Disclaimer**: Hikaru no Go is written by Yumi Hotta and the animated series was created by Studio Pierrot. Please do not construe the writing of this fanfiction as a claim to ownership in any way.

**A New Year, A New Life**

**1 – But What About Our Date?**

Shindou Hikaru stepped out of the shower, his towel wrapped partway around his waist. He tried to lift the other end of the towel, but his loose grip on the towel with his other hand caused it to slip through his fingers and fall to the ground. Annoyed, he kicked the towel from under his feet. He wasn't going to bother with covering up, figuring he could just air dry while he blow-dried his hair.

Halfway through, he had the feeling that Fujiwara-No-Sai was around, but that he wasn't making himself present. Curious, Hikaru turned the dryer off to free his hands in order to grab the towel and properly wrap it around his waist. The second it was secured, Sai appeared by the door.

"I thought you'd never dress!" he sighed. "The phone has been ringing for quite some time."

"Let the answering machine take it," Hikaru said, frowning at the thought that that was all Sai wanted.

"It has been, but Toya keeps calling back." Hikaru had been about to begin drying his hair again, but he lowered the dryer at hearing those words.

"It's…Toya?" he asked, nervous at the thought of his rival and love.

"Yes. He has called and hung up a few times, but this last time, he left a very brief message."

"What'd he say?"

"'Shindo, it's important'." Hikaru frowned.

"That's it?" Sai nodded rapidly. Hikaru made an irritated noise and hurriedly left the bathroom. Both of his parents were out and so he didn't bother to dress. He skipped two stairs at a time on his way down to the foyer. There, he reviewed the messages. Toya Akira had left five in a span of twenty minutes. Worried, Hikaru didn't bother to listen to them before he called.

"Shindo?" Akira asked cautiously, and quietly.

"Yeah, hey, 'Kira. What's up? What's wrong?"

"I'm so glad you called me before it was too late. I know this is going to be just terrible to hear, but…we can't meet tonight." Hikaru gripped the phone tighter.

"What?" he asked.

"I know. It's terrible, isn't it?" Akira asked, still hushed.

"Why can't we go out?" Hikaru asked.

"We… It seems I've made another unfortunate mistake in scheduling. A dinner with mother and father was already booked for this evening. I…I am very, very sorry, Shindo." Hikaru scowled in anger as he sunk against the wall. It was cool against his back, but he ignored it. "Are you there, Shindo?"

"Yeah," Hikaru said. He was absolutely peeved at the news, but he didn't want to snap at Akira. He frowned and shook his head as he carefully chose his words. "Tonight was the only night that you were free, though."

"Yes, I know," Akira said. "I was so positive that this dinner was for next week Saturday, but father has informed me that it is indeed tonight. I really am very sorry."

"What are you doing right now?"

"We are about to leave."

"So it's an early dinner?" Hikaru asked, relieved. "That's okay. We can still hang out tonight, afterwards."

"Oh, will you be free?" Akira asked, sounding hopeful.

"Yeah, totally," Hikaru said. "You just call me and I'll be ready to pick you up."

"You will probably have to come here. Our discussions usually carry over into the ride home. I will call you once we arrive home."

"Wait…you said 'discussions?'" Hikaru asked. He smirked. "Are you in trouble?"

"Trouble?" Akira asked.

"Yeah. Sounds like they want to have a talk with you about something."

"Our dinners are usually planned when there is something important that one of us wants to discuss…"

"Watch you get grounded," Hikaru chuckled. There was a pause.

"What?" Akira asked. "I'm not in any trouble."

"Who scheduled the dinner?"

"Father did."

"That means you're in trouble," Hikaru said. "What did you do that would make your dad mad?"

"Absolutely nothing," Akira said, but then he added in a whisper, "besides what happened with you."

"Does he know?" Hikaru asked, bracing himself for the worst.

"No," Akira said. "I don't think that this is about that." Akira began to whisper hastily. "Oh, here comes mother. I have to go, but I will call you. I love you."

"I love you, too." Akira hung up first. Hikaru sat the phone down and sighed over to Sai. Sai just stared at him without a word. Hikaru shrugged in defeat and trudged back up to the bathroom. Sai left him while he continued to get ready and was sitting at one of end of the GO-ban when Hikaru entered his bedroom. Hikaru glanced at him as he walked past him, ignoring Sai's expectant look. He plopped down on his bed, grabbed a graphic novel he had been reading and turned onto his back. He flipped through a few pages to find his spot and tried to lose himself within the macabre world of Death Note.

"If…if we have time…could we at least play a game?" Sai asked after a few moments. Hikaru groaned.

"I'm pissed," he said. "Fuck off."

"Hikaru!" Sai shouted, appalled. "Don't you speak to me that way." Hikaru dropped his arms quickly and glared at Sai.

"I'm supposed to be on a date right now but frickin' Toya ditched me for his dad again. This is the third so-called "scheduling mistake" he's had and I'm damned sick of it."

"You don't have to take it out on me."

"Then leave me the hell alone if you know I'm mad." Sai put his hands to his hips.

"Excuse me," he said. "You have no one to blame for this but yourself. You did the same thing to him, mind you, and you did it on purpose. Now suppose he truly is mistaken? There is no sense in pouting about and raising your voice to me."

"'Kira doesn't make mistakes like this," Hikaru said. "And you know that, Sai. He wants me to believe he's done it three times?" Hikaru tsked. "It's probably his dad." Sai looked away, contemplative.

"Though…it doesn't seem like a mistake _he_ would likely make, either…"

"Which means this is happening on purpose and I'm pissed." Hikaru raised his novel again, but he was too mad to concentrate on reading. Sai looked down at the board.

"Are you going to sulk about it all evening?"

"Maybe I am. He'd better not change his mind about later, either, or I'm going clean off!"

"You can be so petty."

"What the hell else is new?" Hikaru pretended to read his novel, but Sai's eyes were on him, distracting him further. "Leave me alone, I'm not playing."

"You need to practice."

"Just shut up, already." Sai stood up quickly.

"You are such a child!" he said. "And that, Hikaru, is the precise reason why you'll never surpass him!" Hikaru sat up and flung the book at Sai, who ducked even though it would not have actually hit him.

"I will!" Hikaru said. "Just leave me alone!"

"Stop fighting with everyone all of time," Sai said in a scolding, authoritative tone. "Stop fighting this." Sai motioned towards the board. "If you care about your future, Hikaru, you have to get it together. You're not going to learn anything reading that garbage. Toya Akira wouldn't be petty and take his frustrations with the world out on GO and that is why he will always beat you." Hikaru growled and flipped over on the bed. Sai sighed and then shuffled closer. "I want to help you."

"You just want to play GO," Hikaru mumbled.

"With _you_," Sai said. "That is the only reason why I am with you right now, Hikaru." Hikaru grabbed at his hair and scratched his scalp. "Hikaru?"

"I'm not gonna play, so just stop…" Hikaru said. "I wanna be with 'Kira." His phone began to vibrate. He lifted his head and looked over to his jacket, which was on the back of his desk chair. His phone was in the far pocket, and it seemed like too far away for him to answer it. Whoever called him left him a message, and the phone beeped every minute to let him know.

Hikaru muttered a curse under his breath as he rose from the bed to get his phone. The call had been from Mitani Yuki. Hikaru shifted his head back to rock his bangs away from his ear as he placed a call to Mitani.

"Yo," Mitani said simply.

"What's up?"

"Kane wants to hang. You up?"

"Where?"

"The club."

"The strip club?" Hikaru asked, surprised. "I hate that place. And why's Kane going? All the guys look at her sideways when she goes."

"'Cos that's the spot," Mitani said. "Whatchu doin'?"

"Hangin' with Toya later."

"How late?"

"I dunno yet."

"You can come chill with us after."

"Mitani," Hikaru said blankly. "You always have company when you leave the club."

"Yeah, I know, but so what?"

"So you'll be busy enough without me."

"Where you at?"

"My place."

"It's fucking Saturday," Mitani said. "Why you home? Look, the kid and Isumi are hanging over here for now. Why don't you come over for a bit?"

"'Cos I'm mad right now."

"Why?"

"I can't tell you. You'll rub it in."

"Is it 'cos of Toya?" Hikaru didn't say anything. "Trouble in paradise already? Lemme guess, he won't put out?" Hikaru cut his eyes.

"That ain't it."

"Oh, so he has? I didn't know that punk had it in 'im."

"Don't be an ass," Hikaru said. "If you're gonna to talk about him, I'm not coming over."

"I'm just talkin," Mitani said. "Come on. We'll cheer ya up." Hikaru glanced over to his wall clock. Killing an hour or so with them wouldn't be so bad.

"I'll be there in twenty."

"'Kay." Mitani hung up. Hikaru stood and stretched, then slipped on his jacket. He grabbed his keys and went down to the foyer. He put on his shoes at the door and walked out to his car.

It had warmed up since the start of the year. January was nearing an end and Hikaru had nothing to show for his first month of boyfriend-hood. He had only seen Akira during the course of their professional lives. The three times they tried to meet with each other had been canceled by Akira, and Hikaru was at his wits end. He missed him. He hadn't been able to hug or kiss him since New Year's Day and for him, for what he expected, that was unacceptable.

Akira had already forbid him to speak about their relationship with his friends and so Hikaru turned to the only other person he could for help: his mother. He had already told her in the past that he had feelings for Akira, but he hadn't told her that they were dating. Without giving too many details, he explained about how upset he felt, and she jumped to the conclusion that it was about Akira. She had told him to give it time and that the situation would work itself out. That Akira would make time for him when he could. It had done nothing to ease Hikaru's already rotten mood. He wanted badly to ask Waya Yoshitaka and Isumi Shinichiro about what he should do, but he was worried about what would happen if Akira managed to find out. It could only make things worse and he needed them to get better.

Mitani shared an apartment with an older man who was never around. Hikaru had never seen or heard from this man, and he had never been told his name. All he knew was that in exchange for what he was sure were illegal activities (Mitani had only just turned eighteen, but had apparently known this guy for three years), that older man let Mitani use the apartment as his own.

The apartment was lavish, and Waya and Isumi preferred it over their own place because it was more spacious. Hikaru liked the coziness of the cramped apartment that Waya and Isumi called home. It was usual and down to earth. He could use everything, and lounge about without worrying about breaking something or otherwise catching the negative attention of some mystery man that owned the place. Waya was cuddled on the couch in Isumi's arms when Mitani let Hikaru into the apartment. They were wearing their club clothes, but Mitani was in his boxers. He gave Hikaru a loose hug as he walked into the living room.

"You guys look like you're going to get into some trouble tonight," Hikaru said. Mitani closed the door and then shrugged.

"It's the usual," he said, referring to the fact that Waya and Isumi weren't dressed any different than their normal club wear. "Hang out for a while. There's pop in the fridge."

"Thanks." Mitani disappeared into the bathroom. Hikaru went across the room and into the kitchen to get a pop. He chose cola and returned to the living room. Waya and Isumi had separated and Isumi was in the middle of a long stretch.

"You tired?" Hikaru asked. "Night's still young."

"Waya's putting me to sleep," Isumi said. "I'm going to go for coffee."

"Bring me back something maple-y," Waya said as Isumi stood.

"Sure. You want anything, Shindo?"

"Nah. I'll just bother Waya while you're gone." Isumi patted Hikaru on the shoulder as he passed him. Waya reached over and took Hikaru's hand, tugging him over to the couch. Hikaru sat down next to him and Waya rested his weight on him.

"You're warm," Hikaru said.

"I was snuggling with Isumi, wasn't I?" Waya said.

"Yeah, but…you're like sick people hot. No wonder you were lulling him to sleep."

"I ain't sick, though," Waya said, lazily lifting and then dropping an arm. He moved his face up and down Hikaru's shoulder to get comfortable. "Hm."

"I'm mad."

"So I've heard. What happened?"

"'Kira's dad's being an ass," Hikaru said. "I think he keep taking up 'Kira's free time on purpose, trying to keep him from me."

"Does he know?"

"No. 'Kira don't really want anyone to know."

"I don't blame him, him being all uptight and all, but he sure was acting all possessive at that party. And every time you come up into conversation, he butts his way in and make sure ain't nobody talking bad about you." Hikaru raised an eyebrow.

"Really?" he asked. He couldn't imagine Akira doing that for him.

"Yeah."

"Well, I do the same thing."

"Yeah, we know. We halfway tired of it, too."

"Hmph. Well, people are always on his case for one reason or another. You guys can kinda be unfair to him, too."

"He shouldn't act all important all the time. I mean, we all know we're awesome, but you don't see us acting like we don't know how to be humble, and shit."

"Well, 'Kira comes from money, so maybe that's just how they do."

"Hmph." Hikaru chuckled and nudged Waya. "So what are you gonna do? Chill with us all night?"

"Nah. I'm gonna go get 'Kira as soon as he calls me."

"Bum. Mitani said you were gonna hang."

"Sorry. 'Kira comes first no matter what. Oh, by the way, he don't want me talking to you guys about me and him, so…"

"Yeah, whatever. He seem like that type. The only reason he feel that way is 'cos he ain't got no friends. He should chill with us sometime."

"Yeah, right," Hikaru said. "Imagine that. Last time, he freaked the hell out over nothing and that was all on you and Mitani."

"How we s'pposed to know he was gonna go nuts?" Waya asked, lifting his hands in a shrug. "I mean, what the hell? Didn't nobody get drunk and nobody even called the police, so wasn't nothing to get all pissy about."

"You know how it is with 'Kira, though. He's not used to all this fun stuff."

"Which is why he need some friends."

"Well, 'cording to him, he got friends."

"I don't never see him hanging out with nobody."

"That's 'cos they old."

"Name one."

"That punk Ashiwara." Waya started laughing uncontrollably. He sat up and bent over, holding his stomach. Hikaru scrunched his nose at him. "What the hell's so funny about that?"

"It's…it's just that… It's…" Waya gripped his knees and kept laughing. "…nothing."

"No, seriously," Hikaru said. "What the hell is so funny?"

"It's just that… You ever see those two together? It's like frickin' hilarious, dude."

"You the only one laughing, jerk," Hikaru said. "I don't think it's funny. 'Kira and me got in a fight about that shit."

"Yeah, I know you did," Waya said, wiping an eye as he looked at Hikaru.

"So you know what I'm talking about, right?" Hikaru asked. "The way that Ashiwara be flirting with 'Kira?"

"Yeah, I know," Waya said. "And it's like… Toya just sits there and lets him, and he be smiling in his face all sweet and shit. But then they both act like they ain't gay, or whatever, but they totally are. Me and Isumi joke about that bull all the time."

"I can't see Isumi doing that," Hikaru said, skeptical.

"Well, he ain't obnoxious about it," Waya said, setting back against the couch. He chuckled a little more and rubbed his nose. "You guys should come out with us."

"I'm never taking 'Kira to a strip joint. That shit's just wrong."

"You sure seem to enjoy it when you there," Waya said. "Don't act all righteous just 'cos you with Toya now. I know you better'n that."

"Just 'cos it's hot don't mean it ain't sleazy. And besides, I don't need to go to no damn strip club anymore. I got 'Kira."

"You ain't sleeping with him." Hikaru looked at Waya blankly.

"Like that matters?" Waya rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, it matters. 'Member when Isumi got mad at me and cut me off? The club made a world of difference then, you remember that?"

"Thanks for reminding me," Hikaru said, holding up a hand to shut Waya up. "I don't need to hear about all that, thanks."

"Yeah, you do. What, all of a sudden you can handle matters at home by yourself? You ain't got no dirty movies."

"If 'Kira don't need nothing, then I don't need nothing."

"I'm sure he got _something_," Waya said. "Everybody needs a little something." Hikaru paused as he thought about what Waya had just said. He couldn't picture Akira actually doing much of anything when it came to self pleasure. What he fantasized was one thing; what was plausible for Akira was another. He wondered how he managed to handle being aroused. He had never really seen him aroused before or since the night of the party, which was more than he could say for practically all of his male friends. Did he run into a bathroom and freak out each time? Or did he wait until he had a moment alone to satisfy himself? And what, besides dirty dancing with Hikaru, turned him on? Hikaru looked over to Waya slowly.

"What do you think gets him hot?" he asked.

"Same shit that gets the rest of us hot?" Waya suggested. He shrugged. "Whatever, dude. He probably don't watch dirty stuff on TV, or look at mags or whatever. He probably gets turns on by weird shit like… I dunno. GO?" That made Hikaru laugh.

"You stupid, Waya." Waya laughed along with him.

"Yeah. If it was GO, he wouldn't be able to hide it." Waya set a hand to his chin to think about it.

"I'll find out eventually," Hikaru said. Waya lowered his arm and positioned himself so that he faced Hikaru.

"What turns you on?" he asked quietly.

"You know that already."

"Strippers turn everybody on," Waya said. "Besides that."

"Toya."

"What about him? Like…I like Isumi's voice and I like his body the most. He's muscular, you know, but not like, too much. He's hot as all hell."

"Well, 'Kira's hot, too, but like…I dunno…in a girly way."

"You don't think of him in girl clothes, do you?" Waya asked, eyes wide. Hikaru pouted.

"Sometimes," he said with a shrug. "You know, like…kimonos or school uniforms. Plaid ones. That would be hot."

"I dress up for Isumi all the time," Waya said. "I could getcha in good with this place we know. The guy that own it's kinda flamboyant and will make you feel all kindsa awkward, but he know his stuff."

"That's only if 'Kira would be up for it."

"Trust me, he will be. The quiet ones are always the kinkiest." Hikaru gave him a frank look, and Waya nodded as if he knew what he was talking about. "Let me know when he opens up and you guys'll go shopping." Hikaru scratched his head.

"'Kira would kill me if he knew we was talking about this."

"Well, he ain't gonna know if you don't say nothing," Waya said. "So keep your mouth shut."

"Yeah, yeah."

Unsurprisingly, Mitani had only just finished getting ready once Akira contacted Hikaru. Isumi had come back and was hogging Waya's attention and Kaneko was preoccupied with Mitani, both all leather and mesh and thongs, behind the couch. Hikaru was lounging on the floor while Waya and Isumi hesitated in getting their things together when his phone vibrated. Hikaru sat up quickly and pulled it out of his pocket. It was from Toya's house. Excited, Hikaru quickly pressed send, ignoring the odd looks his four friends were giving him.

"Toya?" he asked.

"Shindo, come quickly," Akira said quietly and hurriedly. And then he hung up. Hikaru got up from the floor.

"Sorry guys, 'Kira's calling. I'm out."

"Will we see you later?" Mitani asked as he saw Hikaru out at the door.

"Hopefully not, and I don't mean that in a bad way, guys," Hikaru said. "You all know how it is."

"Don't stay up too late," Isumi said, waving at him.

"What, with Toya?" Waya asked. "Ha!" Hikaru chuckled and waved back.

"Night," he said.

"Call me," Mitani said.

"Sure," Hikaru said, and he was out the door.


	7. If Only They Knew

**Summary**: A continuation to New Year's Eve at the Touya's. Hikaru and Akira begin their relationship, running into both foreseen and unexpected hardships along the way. Will they be able to maintain their love for each other in the wake of adversity?

**Disclaimer**: Hikaru no Go is written by Yumi Hotta and the animated series was created by Studio Pierrot. Please do not construe the writing of this fanfiction as a claim to ownership in any way.

**A New Year, A New Life**

**2 – If Only They Knew**

Hikaru hurried out to his car and drove to Toya's place. As he turned onto the block, he spotted Akira on the corner waving timidly at him. Hikaru slowed down and pulled up alongside the parked cars. Akira came over to the car quickly and got into the passenger's seat.

"Phew!" he said. "Thank God you're here. That was the most awkward dinner ever!"

"Really?" Hikaru asked. He looked around, not sure what Akira was planning. "Aren't we hanging out?"

"Yes, but…not here. Anywhere but here."

"My place?"

"That would be preferable, but I'd hate to have you make so many trips in one night."

"I don't mind," Hikaru said. "And if it's too late, then you can just stay over." Akira lowered his head slightly.

"Hikaru, we need to talk." Hikaru paused in easing off of the brake. His heartbeat speeding up, he looked at Akira cautiously.

"'Bout what, 'Kira?" he asked.

"Well, about tonight… About dinner. Let's stop at a café for now."

"You hungry?"

"No… We didn't stay for dessert, so I'm in the mood for something sweet."

"Like?"

"I'll decide when I get there."

"Something warm?"

"Mmm, yes. That sounds good."

"We could still go to my place, 'Kira," Hikaru said. "Ma baked this apple thing for my dad, but she'll serve it to you if you come over."

"Apple thing?"

"Yep."

"What…does it look like?"

"It's like…flat with apples in it… Pastry on the bottom… It's all glisten-y and it smells really good."

"Mmm, that sounds positively divine," Akira said. "Are you sure your father won't mind?"

"Nah, he'd be happy to share. Both my folks like you, 'Kira. It'll be fine."

"All right… And you're sure you don't mind the going back and forth?" Hikaru started down the block to head home.

"Doubly sure. I want to spend time with you, so…I'll do whatever it takes."

"I won't be able to stay over."

"Why not?"

"Well, because of what we talked about at dinner."

"What was that?" Akira hesitated before he spoke.

"Father…was being rather vague throughout dinner, but…if I'm not mistaken, I…I would say that he spoke as if he knew about us."

"How?" Hikaru asked loudly. "I haven't said anything or done anything that'd make him think that…" Akira sighed.

"No… I don't think that…" Another sigh. "No, I'm positive that it isn't anything that you or I said or have done since that night. I think, instead, that it's…that it's perhaps a neighbor of ours."

"We weren't doing stuff outside though, unless they have binoculars and was spying on us through the window. We only kissed a few times. We didn't even make out."

"I don't think she was spying through the windows, although I wouldn't put it past her."

"Her?"

"Itomaru-san," Akira said. "She's known mother and father since I was very little. Our backyards face each other. She may have told them about the party…the noise level… The fact that we used the garden. We sat out there talking for at least a half an hour with the lights on, so she would have known if she was towards the back of her house…"

"What the hell man?" Hikaru complained. "What business is it of hers?"

"I know. I was very upset, too. Father seems to know more about what happened after the party than during, so thank goodness there were no cameras. However, father was upset that we'd used the garden not once, but twice. And I couldn't convince him that it had been just me. He knew that you were there." Hikaru scoffed.

"Dude, whatever," he said. "I mean, we only ate out there. It's not like we went buck-wild and destroyed it."

"I know, Hikaru, but apparently mother and father thought it was bad enough. There are consequences."

"Like what?" Hikaru asked, preparing for the worst. "I'm not breaking up with you." Akira lowered his head. "He can just forget that shit."

"Could you please…refrain?" Akira asked, referring to Hikaru's language. "This is a stressful enough night for me without you cursing at me."

"What did he say?" Hikaru pressed.

"Father…doesn't…want us to …spend as much time together as we have in the past." Hikaru gripped the steering wheel harder. Ordinarily when he drove, he sat back in his seat with one hand on the wheel and the other either in his lap, shoving food in his mouth or fiddling with the various buttons on the console. Now, however, he was tensely holding the steering wheel with both hands and his shoulders were hunched.

"Why, though?" he asked, his voice edgy.

"He tried to make it seem as if he only meant that we should, as rivals, distance ourselves from one another to create a…how can I say this… Some sort of…reciprocal distance between our GO. Our play."

"We've seen each other like three times since New Year's. And that was for business. I'm frickin' sick of it. I miss you. What the heck's his problem, dude?"

"He's just upset. When I mentioned that I would spend the latter half of the evening with you, he got bothered. I think he thinks that you are a bad influence on me."

"Well, I am, but that's nothing new," Hikaru said. "He's totally bugging."

"Perhaps we should just give it time?" Akira suggested. "He'll forget it happened, and he won't object to having you over." Hikaru flinched.

"He said I couldn't come over?" he asked, stunned. Akira turned to him, setting a hand to his thigh in hopes of calming him.

"No, no, you can," he said quickly. He patted him, then stopped and looked away. "Only…not by my invitation… By…by his." Hikaru tsked and sat back forcefully, frowning deeply. He rolled to a stop at a red light.

"That's such crap," he said. "We don't have to put up with this."

"We do," Akira said. "We can't disobey him so openly. Then he would really try to intervene. We have to do what he says."

"And if he tells you to break up with me?" Hikaru asked, looking Akira in the eye. Akira's eyebrows furrowed and his lips tautened. He shook his head slightly and then scoffed.

"Well," he said. "Then I would just have to show him that he doesn't have as tight a leash on me as he assumes." Akira's face was pinched with displeasure. He adjusted his cuffs. "The nerve of him, to try to break us up." Hikaru noticed the light change and he continued to drive towards his house.

"As far as I'm concerned, that's what he'd do if he knew we were boyfriends. What's wrong with me hanging out in the garden with you being just friends? If he has a problem with just that, he'd tried to split us up first chance he got." Akira's frown deepened, matching Hikaru's own frown.

"Then we must pretend that we aren't together. We have to keep our intimacies private. There will be no discussing the details of our relationship with your friends, or around them. We can't have people eavesdropping."

"I didn't think he'd go all psycho on us." Akira winced.

"I wouldn't call it that," he said. "It's not fair to say that." Hikaru shook his head.

"Whatever," he said. "I'll do what I want."

"I don't want to risk this," Akira said firmly. "So you'd better behave yourself." Hikaru wanted to complain, but instead he groaned and sat back. For the remainder of the ride, they focused their conversation on GO. When Hikaru pulled into a park by his house, he leaned over and kissed Akira on the side of the mouth. Akira did not protest as Hikaru thought he would. He leaned shyly into the kiss and waited it out. When Hikaru pulled away, Akira scolded him with his eyes.

"What?" Hikaru asked. "I don't have the same problem you have with nosy neighbors. Everyone 'round here knows I'm a rebel without a cause." Akira shook his head and hid his smirk from Hikaru as he got out of the car. Hikaru saw it anyway and it caused him to smirk in response. At the front door, Hikaru let Akira in and Akira led them directly up and into Hikaru's bedroom. Akira slipped off his coat and sat it on Hikaru's desk chair. Then he settled himself on one end of the GO-board. It was as if Akira lived there, or as if he had been there a million times. Hikaru liked it. He wanted Akira to feel that comfortable in his home.

Akira was wearing black slacks, a mauve, long-sleeved, collared shirt and dress socks. He sat politely and expectantly, but he didn't reach for stones. Hikaru planted himself next to Akira and took him by the hand. The palm was soft, as usual.

"I can get the apple-y thing in a minute," he said. "But I'm worried, 'Kira."

"I won't let him come between us," Akira began, "even if I have to take drastic measures. Lying…is the hardest thing to do when it comes to father. He's always so commanding and he gets that look in his eye… But…I will not budge on this." Akira squeezed Hikaru's hand. "We'll work this out. The both of us." He pecked Hikaru on the side of the mouth. Hikaru nodded and rested his head on Akira's shoulder. Akira smelled like the ocean that night. "So, Hikaru. What were you up to before you came to get me?"

"Hanging around for a bit."

"You didn't take as long, so I figured that you were closer. I just wasn't sure where." Hikaru nodded. "Had you… been driving to my house?"

"Oh, you thought I was stalking?" Hikaru asked.

"No, not stalking," Akira said. "I just thought that, you know, you drove by and thought about waiting, but maybe you couldn't find a park." Hikaru raised an eyebrow at him.

"No, I didn't do that. I was mad, so I hung out with Waya for a bit to blow off some steam." Akira stiffened and his eyebrows shifted.

"Waya lives further away from me than you do." Hikaru shrugged slightly, not sure why Akira was prodding.

"We were hanging out, but not at his place."

"I see. So you really were mad." Akira pursed his lips. "Did you talk about me?"

"N—no." Akira's eyes showed that he didn't believe Hikaru.

"You went to see him to blow off some steam because you were mad at me, but he didn't speak of me?" he asked patiently, his head turned slightly towards Hikaru's, but his eyes focused downwards.

"I wasn't mad at you, I was mad at your dad. I…I know we picked the right day to see each other. Him telling you you were wrong is a crock. And besides, that was only the first few minutes. After that, we watched TV and talked about GO and then you called."

"You said you weren't at his house."

"No."

"And if you weren't at home either, then where were you?" Hikaru didn't know why it mattered, but he really didn't want to have to admit where he'd been. He didn't need Akira getting mad over nothing.

"We…we were at…Mitani's," he said quietly. Akira's expression tautened as it had in the car.

"Oh. I see. Hm."

"Are you mad?" Hikaru risked asking.

"Why lie, Hikaru? If you were with that Mitani, then why not just say so?"

"Because you don't like him?"

"I don't like _lies_ either."

"Yeah, but he was getting dressed, like, the whole time, so I just sat around and talked to Waya."

"Truthfully?" Akira asked, eyebrows raised high above his still downcast gaze.

"That's the truth," Hikaru said. "Kane-chan was helping him get ready. They always take forever." Akira's demeanor softened a fraction.

"I see." Hikaru sighed in relief.

"Don't be difficult," he said. "I didn't have to mention Mitani."

"I don't need you to spare my feelings. To _lie_ to me." Hikaru looked at him.

"Are you mad?" he asked again. Akira shook his head ever so slightly. "I don't want you thinking that I lied to you."

"You did."

"Actually, I didn't." Akira's expression shifted, alerting Hikaru to the fact that he was beginning to lose patience.

"You said that you were with Waya."

"I was."

"But you were at Mitani's."

"Yeah, but we didn't hang out." Akira continued to stare at him blankly. "Withholding the truth isn't the same thing as lying."

"I would have to disagree."

"Oh, so you don't have to say you're wrong?" Akira narrowed his eyes and his countenance was teetering on the look that he gave people who wasted his time in GO matches. Hikaru stared back, unfazed.

* * *

"I am not wrong," Akira said, emphasizing each word. "I know what I'm talking about." Hikaru sighed and let silence linger. After a while, Akira shifted with discomfort. "Are we going to eat? I need something sweet to eat."

"You want me to bring it up?"

"No. I will go with you. We should eat at the table." Hikaru stood up first and helped Akira up from the floor. They went down to the kitchen together. Hikaru's mother was there getting a start on dinner. Akira began to straighten his appearance and paused at the door to wait for introduction.

"Hey, ma," Hikaru said as he crossed the room to the refrigerator. He opened the door and stuck his head inside. His mother remained at the counter, facing away from Akira, chopping vegetables with practiced ease.

"Have you eaten, Hikaru-chan?" she asked.

"No. Make something good. Oh, and 'Kira's here." His mother turned around quickly and caught Akira's eyes. Hers were wide with surprise, but she also looked inexplicably happy to see him.

"Oh, Akira-kun," she gasped.

"Konbanwa, Shindo-san." Akira bowed to her, but paused when he saw that she was approaching him.

"O-hisashiburi," she said, and she hugged him tightly. "I'm so glad that you've come over. Hikaru-chan has told me so much about you, I was so happy to hear the good news."

"News?" Akira asked, confused. He looked over to Hikaru, who was holding up the container with the pie.

"Ma, we're gonna eat this, okay?" he asked. His mother looked at him.

"Wait until dessert, Hikaru-chan," she said. Then, to Akira, "Make yourself at home, Akira-kun. Have you eaten?"

"He ate already ma, and he wants some of this now," Hikaru said, whining. Both his mother and Akira gave him disapproving looks.

"I can wait, it is no bother," Akira said. Hikaru stepped away from the fridge.

"You sure?" he asked.

"Yes." Mrs. Shindo was still all smiles, standing close to Akira.

"Why don't you boys get settled upstairs?" she said, rubbing Akira's arm affectionately. "I'll call you when dinner is ready."

"Fine." Hikaru stuffed the pie back into the refrigerator and removed a can of pop.

"Thank you, Shindo-san," Akira said.

"Where's dad?"

"He'll be home soon," Mrs. Shindo said.

"'K. We'll be upstairs." Akira politely excused himself before he and Hikaru went upstairs.

"She was…acting awfully nice to me," Akira said.

"That's because she likes you. You're like a son to her now." Akira found that odd. He had never seen his own mother extend her kindness to Hikaru in that fashion, though he had grown on her since he started coming to their home. At dinner, Akiko had seemed just as agitated as Toya Koya, though she hardly said a word. However, Akira had only encountered Hikaru's mother a few times, and each time had been about equal in length. He hadn't had enough time to endear himself to her, so why was she being so nice?

* * *

When they entered the room, Hikaru saw Sai sitting at the center of the GO-board. They stared at each other as Hikaru closed the door. Sai pointed down at the board with his closed fan and cleared his throat. With Akira's back to him, Hikaru mouthed 'no' and hiked his thumb across his shoulder. Sai frowned and shifted defiantly. Akira settled himself at the board again.

"While Shindo-san cooks, shall we play a game?"

_Yes_, Sai said. Hikaru smirked at him, and it made Sai wary.

"Yeah, we can play go-moku." Sai's eyes bulged and his mouth hung open. He was mortified. Akira wasn't fond of the game either. They both considered it a blatant misuse of a GO-board, Sai more so than Akira. Hikaru didn't have an opinion of the game either way, but he always got a rise out of Sai whenever he mentioned it and that was the only reason why he bothered with it.

"I would rather play GO," Akira said.

"I don't feel like it." Sai's mortification hadn't waned. Akira let the comment go.

"Seat yourself," he said. "Why don't you replay the last game you played for me, Hikaru?"

"You wouldn't be interested." Sai gaped again.

_Yes_, _he would_. _You played against me_, _Hikaru_. _Show him_.

_We don't need him knowing what our games look like_, _big mouth_, Hikaru said. _Shush_!

_Hmph_!

"Don't be silly, Hikaru. I can't imagine you playing a game unworthy of my scrutiny." Hikaru chuckled.

"You're so vain," he said.

"Be that as it may, show me."

"Okay." Hikaru took both cups to his side of the board and began to replay the last game he'd played against Waya instead of his game with Sai. To his surprise, Sai didn't complain. Instead, he watched intently as Hikaru placed the stones and he listened as Akira began to voice his opinions on the moves. He went on for about ten minutes, and his entire assessment of their moves and their motives were spot on.

"I can tell that you were white," Akira said finally. Hikaru nodded. "Very well played. I can see that Waya-kun is gaining strength from you, employing several methods of countering your sneakier techniques." Akira nodded again. "It's working for him. We will have to watch out for him."

_That's exactly what I told you_, _Hikaru_, Sai said. Hikaru nodded.

_Yeah_, _I know_. Then, to Akira, "I ain't scared of Waya, though. I just need to plow on full speed ahead and catch you."

"Yes, but as Kurata continuously reminds us, we can never take our eyes off of those below us. Father is still thrilled to play with the younger stars, the "new wave" as he still calls it." Akira lowered his gaze. "I just wish that…he could accept me. _Us_."

"Yeah, well what are you going to do?"

"Do you plan to tell your mother and father?" Akira asked.

"I did already." Akira's breath caught in his throat.

"You did?" he asked. "W—when?"

"Couple days ago. I was trying to be subtle, but she knew I was talking about you. I told her that you agreed to go out with me."

"And she…didn't get mad?"

"No. She already knows I like you." Akira's eyes widened, showing Hikaru more of his gleaming, turquoise gems. Hikaru stared.

"Really?" Akira breathed.

"Yeah."

"Did she get mad then?"

"No. Akari says that she was just happy that I actually came to talk to her about something."

"But she wasn't upset to hear that…you're…you know?"

"No. She already knew that." Akira's shoulders drooped.

"She did?" Hikaru nodded. Akira's expression showed how hard it was for him to accept this news. "And she wasn't mad?"

"I mean, we've been through the whole 'it's a phase thing' before, but I told her that it wasn't and when nothing changed, she just stopped whining and started prodding me about safe-sex."

"_Really_?" Akira asked. Hikaru nodded.

"She had dad talk to me, too, but if you can imagine, we didn't get very far. I wasn't trying to hear that kind of stuff. I didn't even have a boyfriend yet, and I was still grossed out by stuff." Akira reached his hand across the board and motioned his fingers at Hikaru. Hikaru held out his hand and Akira cupped it and then squeezed it.

"I wish I had your strength," he said.

"My folks love me, you know?" Hikaru said. "And we're close to each other. I'm not perfect, I'm just some kid with a lot of faults, but a lot of determination. I…I think they see that and they want to be there for me no matter what to make sure I'll be all right, ya know?"

"You don't think that my parents feel the same way?"

"No. You're Toya Akira. You're perfect, you're always on the straight and narrow. You don't falter, you don't fail. And your parents will always expect everything they want from you to just fall right into their laps."

"What…am I going to do? I'll never be able to just tell them."

"I know. Just wait 'til it gets warmer out, babe. We'll find a place to stay together and work things out that way."

"Do you think it would be wise for us to live together?"

"Yes," Hikaru said, in a way that made it obvious that it was a goal of his.

"I do desire to move out, but I don't know if I'm ready to…move in with you while we're dating."

"We're never not going to be dating, 'Kira," Hikaru said frankly.

"No, I know," Akira said, and as he shook his head, his bangs swung across his forehead. "Excuse me, that came out wrong. I'm just worried about being around you all the time. You have some rather…unbecoming habits and…I fear it will make things tense between us." Akira's eyes shifted towards the Death Note manga sloppily discarded on the floor. Hikaru scooted to Akira's side of the board and sat pressed up next to him.

"Nah," he said. "You'll deal with it better being my lover than you would, say, just being my friend."

"You think so?"

"For sure." Akira smiled slightly.

"I love you. I think…I could deal with it because I love you."

"That's the idea," Hikaru said.

"But there is one thing we need to talk about before we even think about the future."

"What's that?"

"The atrocious way you talk to your mother." Hikaru rolled his eyes and Akira nudged him. "Don't you do that. You need to learn how to address her."

"I'm not good with authority figures."

"Yes, we know this, but she is your mother. And she's accepted you being with me. You've got to be nicer to her. She could have treated you coldly, but instead she embraced you. And me. She loves you and you love her. You've got to show her that more often."

"I will…"

"Will you?"

"Yeah, I will. Because you asked me too."

"And…?"

"And because I love you?" Hikaru speculated. Akira chuckled at him.

"How about…because your mother deserves more from you?" Hikaru nodded.

"And that, too." Akira leaned over and kissed Hikaru's cheek.

"Thank you," he said.

"While we're on the subject of changing each other, when am I going to get to see "everyday evening Shindo" Akira?"

"Soon," Akira said. "Now that I know that your parents know, I'm not so reluctant to explore my relationship with you."

"Sounds good," Hikaru said. "I can dig it." Akira gave him a very slight smile. Hikaru kissed him and then they played a concise game before dinner.


	8. Up To No Good

**Summary**: A continuation to New Year's Eve at the Touya's. Hikaru and Akira begin their relationship, running into both foreseen and unexpected hardships along the way. Will they be able to maintain their love for each other in the wake of adversity?

**Disclaimer**: Hikaru no Go is written by Yumi Hotta and the animated series was created by Studio Pierrot. Please do not construe the writing of this fanfiction as a claim to ownership in any way.

**A New Year, A New Life**

**3 – Up To No Good**

Akira was just about to climb into bed when he heard a light rap at his door. He set his feet on the ground and grabbed his robe before crossing the room. He slipped one arm through and opened the door while he maneuvered his hand through the other sleeve, which was inside out. His mother was standing on the other side of the door also in her robe, which she tugged closed when she looked at Akira.

"Akira-san, Ashiwara-kun is on the phone for you."

"Thank you, I'll be right there." Akira slipped on his house shoes and quietly left his room. He heard his mother slide the door to her and Koyo's bedroom closed as he passed through the hall. He heard Akiko mention Ashiwara's name again, and figured that his father had wanted to know who was calling. He was glad that it wasn't Hikaru, though it would have been nicer to hear from him. "Hello?"

"Akira-kun, I'm glad I reached you before you fell asleep. Are you able to talk?"

"Yes. What is it, Ashiwara-kun?"

"Kurata-kun, Toshiko-kun and I are going to go to a karaoke bar tomorrow and we were wondering if you wanted to join us."

"Tomorrow?" Akira asked, pondering. "Oh, I'm sorry Ashiwara-kun, I have plans for tomorrow. I'm afraid I won't be available for any decent stretch of time outside of those plans."

"Really?" Ashiwara asked, sounding disappointed. "You'll be busy all day?"

"Yes. It sounds lovely, but unfortunately, I just can't make it."

"I see… Well, say something doesn't work out tomorrow, just give me a call and I'll come get you, all right?"

"Sure."

"All right. Have a good night, Akira-kun. I hope to see you tomorrow."

"Good night." Ashiwara hung up first. Akira looked at the receiver and sighed before setting it on its base. He shuffled back to his bedroom, took off his robe and slippers and laid down in bed.

He planned to spend the whole day with Hikaru and his friends, but he had hoped to use an excuse regarding Ashiwara in order to avoid suspicion. He went to sleep figuring that things would work out better without him having to involve Ashiwara and lying. If he could just leave without his father noticing and return after having been at his salon, Koyo would probably have nothing to question him about.

Hikaru was pumped. It was February 3rd and he was finally going to be able to spend a full day with Akira. The past few days, they had been continuously walking on eggshells and it had him down in the dumps. Today would be different, that he knew for sure. He had a full day planned and nothing short of the Apocalypse was going to stop them. Even if Akira called him and gave him some cockamamie story about scheduling errors, Hikaru would simply find him, kidnap him and then they would have their day together as planned.

Hikaru pulled up to Waya and Isumi's place around 10:30 a.m. Waya was still getting ready in the bathroom, so Hikaru waited in the living room with Isumi. Isumi looked nervous about something as he let Hikaru into the apartment, but Hikaru decided not to ask him about what was on his mind. However, as time went on with Isumi pacing between the living room and the kitchen, his curiosity got the best of him.

Isumi paused at the island in the kitchen. Hikaru got up and looked through the refrigerator. He asked for orange juice, and Isumi nodded, but did not speak. Hikaru poured himself a glass and asked Isumi if he wanted one. Isumi refused. Hikaru set the juice back into the fridge and stood on the other side of the counter in front of Isumi.

"So what's up? You and Waya have a fight?" Isumi's eyes widened.

"What, no. Nothing like that." He gave a nervous chuckle and shook his head. "Why do you ask?"

"You look like there's something up," Hikaru said. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's _wrong_," Isumi said, shaking his head. "But, there is something that I wanted to talk to you about."

"Well, go ahead." Hikaru knew that Isumi could be shy sometimes. Everyone that knew both him and Waya knew that Waya spoke for Isumi more often than Isumi spoke for himself. Isumi stuck to Waya like a magnet; he followed him wherever he went, he was always up for whatever Waya was up for, and he always did as Waya asked. Whenever Isumi had an issue with someone, Waya was more likely to resolve it than Isumi was. Hikaru didn't quite understand their relationship, but he was happy that they had each other and that they loved each other.

Isumi walked around the counter as he dug into the back pocket of his jeans. He took out a check that he had folded in half and tried to discreetly hand it off to Hikaru. Confused, Hikaru took his hand away and backed away a step.

"What's that?" he asked.

"It's…" Isumi leaned closer and continued in a hushed tone. "It's the money that Waya borrowed from you."

"I…I told him that it was all right," Hikaru said, matching his tone. What would make Isumi want to pay it back, especially on the sly, when it was already forgiven?

"I know, but it still bothers me. It feels like unfinished business."

"But it's Waya's debt and I told him that it was all right."

"I used some of that, too, you know?" Isumi stressed. "Just take it, Shindo." The door to the bathroom opened and Isumi tried to force the check into Hikaru's hand. Hikaru backed away from him again. "Take it," Isumi whispered. Hikaru murmured a no. As Waya came into the living room, rubbing his hands together in anticipation, Isumi quickly faced him, balling the check up behind him.

"You guys ready?" Waya asked, pausing to look around for them when he didn't see them right away. His smile faded when he saw their nervous expressions. "What's up?" Hikaru shrugged.

"Nothing. Just thought you'd be a little longer. Let me finish my juice, 'k?"

"Yeah." Waya crossed into the kitchen and put his arms around Isumi. "I can't wait to hang out," he said. "We've been cooped up in here for forever." Hikaru rolled his eyes at Waya's exaggeration.

"Yeah," Isumi said, and he sounded winded. He wrapped his arms around Waya and Waya settled into his chest. Hikaru watched their exchange and saw Isumi slip the check into his sleeve. He took a big gulp of the juice, and then lowered his cup.

"Do you guys ever tell each other you love each other?" he asked, curious.

"Sometimes," Isumi said.

"Choice times," Waya said just after him. They looked at each other and Waya shrugged.

"He don't have to say it," he said. "I just know it."

"It's nice to hear, though…" Isumi said. "Waya says it more than I do… I need to hear it more than he does."

"'Kira and I tell each other every time we talk."

"Dude, that's overkill," Waya said.

"But we mean it," Hikaru said. "Did you guys say it a lot when you first started dating? I don't remember hearing you guys saying it."

"Well, no one really need to hear all that," Waya said. Hikaru finished off his orange juice and sat the cup in the sink. "And besides, we were always with each other, so we didn't have the opportunity to miss each other like you and Toya. I think I seen him like two times since New Year's outside of the Institute and he's always with his dad. That dude's trying to control his life, man, and that ain't cool."

"It's not," Hikaru said adamantly. "It's bullshit." Waya let Isumi go and walked towards the closet to grab their jackets.

"I'm gonna sing you guys under the table," he said as he slipped on his jacket. Isumi tugged a skull cap down on Waya's head before putting on his own cold weather gear.

"How do you suppose you'll do that?" Isumi asked. "You've never sung before."

"Correction, I never sang in front of you before." Isumi feigned a hurt look.

"I sing to you all the time," he said.

"Yeah, well, when you've got a nice voice, you can do things like that."

"Waya," Isumi said in a scolding tone as they left the apartment. "You have the most beautiful voice of all of us."

"Um, I'd beg to differ," Hikaru chimed in. "Akira does, hands down."

"No, he doesn't," Waya said. "You hear 'em talk? He sounds like a frog with a sore throat." Isumi started laughing. It smelled to Hikaru like a familiar scene, as though it was a long running gag between the pair.

"Why don't you both go hump a log?" Hikaru said, frowning as they stepped out onto the street.

"It's all in fun, Shindo," Isumi said, still chuckling.

"The only way to solve this is with a serenade sing-off," Waya said. "Me against Toya. We both sing a mellow song and then Isumi picks the winner."

"What? What kinda fixed-ass bullshit is that?" Hikaru asked.

"I think it's plenty fair," Waya said with a confident air.

"Yeah, my ass it is," Hikaru grumbled. Isumi rubbed his shoulder to calm him.

"Maybe we'll find an impartial audience there," he suggested. Hikaru nudged Waya's shoulder.

"Waya, are you ever going to have a good idea?" he teased.

"This is a good idea," Waya said, defending himself wholeheartedly.

"No, it's not. It's full of loopholes."

"Well, what can you expect from someone as loopy as Waya?" Isumi said with a smirk. Waya turned to him and kissed him affectionately, in a way that Hikaru couldn't wait to do with Akira. Waya had even said 'aw,' as if Isumi had complimented him in some way. Hikaru ignored them as he got into his car. He wasn't going to deal with them; they were both loopy as far as he was concerned.

"This'll be fun," Waya said. He slid into the back seat with Isumi. Hikaru always felt like their chauffeur when they did that and it annoyed him. However, Akira would be joining them soon and Waya and Isumi knew that he would always take the front seat. Also, it made Hikaru's day whenever he looked in the rearview mirror and saw Sai in the third seat looking around out of all the windows like an ecstatic puppy with an oblivious Waya and Isumi next to him.

Waya and Isumi cuddled and talked just about the entire ride to the park where Akira was waiting to be collected. When Hikaru pulled up to the designated curb, Akira emerged from the small, brick building a few yards away and descended the steps quickly. He had a new coat, one made of a soft, dark blue, plaid cloth that cinched at the waist, along with matching ear muffs. He also wore black gloves and shin high boots. Waya made a snide remark on how girly he looked and Isumi nudged him to quiet him. Hikaru got out of the car to open the passenger door for him, watching for traffic as Akira rounded the vehicle to reach him.

"Good afternoon, Shindo," Akira said, cheeks rosy and eyes full of excitement.

"Hey, Toya. You look cute."

"Thank you," Akira said. "My aunt shipped this to me for my birthday. She said it was really expensive, so I haven't worn it yet. But it's nice, right?"

"It's hot," Hikaru said with a smirk. Akira gave a shy smile before he slid into the car. Waya and Isumi were saying their hellos when Hikaru back got into the car.

"It's been a while," Isumi said. "Where have you been lately?"

"Oh, you know how father is," Akira said, buckling his seatbelt. "He's been increasing the number of appearances we're putting in lately, making sure that the media maintains its high opinion of us in one way or another. Just this Friday, we held a small dinner party at the family home to raise funds for a local charity. Many pros were able to make it. It was fun."

"How come I didn't go?" Hikaru asked.

"You couldn't afford it," Akira said simply.

"Oh," Hikaru said. He shrugged. "Whatever." Akira rubbed his arm and then sat back as Hikaru started down the street.

"So, what is on the agenda for today?" Akira asked.

"It's a secret," Hikaru said. "Since you're spending the whole day with me, you don't have to worry about time or other commitments because I'm the only person you gotta worry about."

"Oh… Well, I haven't eaten breakfast this morning. Will we stop for breakfast?"

"We can eat where we're going," Hikaru said. "Just relax, okay?" Akira nodded and let his shoulders drop.

_Are we going to play GO today_, _Hikaru_? Sai asked from the back seat.

_Yeah_, _tonight_.

_Yes!_ Sai exclaimed in triumph. Hikaru gave Sai a strange look through the rearview mirror.

_You're becoming more and more like me everyday_, _Sai_. Sai just smiled and continued to look out of the windows.

"So you ain't told him about nothing that we're doing today?" Waya asked.

"No," Hikaru said. "So don't say anything."

"Why does Waya-kun know and I'm being kept in the dark?" Akira asked.

"Because he's got other things to do today, unlike you," Hikaru said.

"Well, I hope at some point before we stop at father's salon, we'll have some time to ourselves."

"Yup," Hikaru said. "Don't worry." Akira smiled his relief and Hikaru smirked over to him. How he could think that Hikaru wouldn't set aside time for that was beyond Hikaru.

At a quarter to twelve, they pulled into the parking lot of Run for the Money Karaoke, one of the hipper karaoke bars in their district. It was open 24 hours and served small portioned meals during the day and dinner at night. Hikaru looked over to Akira to gauge his reaction at being taken there, of all places, for Akira wasn't known to frequent recreational spots such as karaoke bars. He was surprised to see that he was staring at the sign in wonder as they cruised into the parking lot.

"You excited, 'Kira?" Hikaru asked.

"It's just an odd coincidence," Akira said. "But this should be fun."

"We're going to have a sing-off," Waya said.

"Oh, all four of us?" Akira asked, beginning to smile.

"No, you and Waya," Hikaru said. Akira's smile faded a notch.

"You aren't going to sing?" he asked, already sounding disappointed. Hikaru raised an eyebrow.

"You want to hear me sing?" he asked.

"Yes. We should all sing. It will be fun."

"We should do duets," Isumi said. "That way we can use up less time in the room." Hikaru finished parking and shut the car off.

"No," he said. "I want 'Kira to sing by himself. Don't you want to hear what Waya sounds like by himself?"

"Yeah, I do," Isumi admitted.

"Then it's settled. We're all gonna blow the house down!" Hikaru said, pumping a fist in the air. His three friends watched him with comical expressions, and then Akira started giggling. Isumi smiled at them before getting out of the car.

They all entered the bar together, Hikaru taking charge of getting their room. Before long, Hikaru rejoined them with an employee who then walked them to their room. He gave them an armful of books, instructed them on what all of the remotes were for, pointed out the wet naps and then left them alone. Hikaru pulled Akira over to the couch on the left side and Waya and Isumi took the couch across from them. Hikaru took off his coat and sat it with the pile that everyone put theirs in. Akira sat next to him, close to him, and held his hand.

Waya suggested they order food first, and so they placed their orders after looking through the book that contained the menu. Then Waya began randomly selecting songs to goof off to while they waited for the food to arrive. When it did, the music continued to play because of how many songs Waya had selected. Akira nervously nibbled on a small basket of fries while Hikaru shared onion rings and a sandwich with Waya. Isumi had ordered a basket of chicken strips. Hikaru was content to finish eating before anyone sang for real, but then Akira stood up and insisted on being first without opposition from Waya and Isumi.

It was mainly to be able to get the performance out of the way. Akira knew in his heart of hearts that he would not be able to leave that bar without performing at least once, and he wanted to please Hikaru. Therefore, he volunteered himself without having to have a back-and-forth with Hikaru over not wanting to participate. He urged himself into thinking that it would be fun and that since he was going first, he wouldn't be distracted by nerves when it was Hikaru's turn to sing.

He used one of the wet naps to clean his fingers and then thumbed through one of the song books. He chose a fast paced song that he would be able to mumble most of the way through. He wasn't partial of his singing voice. The last time he'd sung had been in the shower in his preteens, and ever since Koyo scolded him for having done it, he refrained from that activity. He took the microphone that Waya had been singing into and cleared his throat to make sure it was still on. Shrill feedback caused them all to wince. Akira gave everyone an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry," he said, and the sound of his voice through the loud microphone startled him.

Akira looked more nervous than Hikaru expected him to be, and he was surprised to hear dance music start up after Akira had settled himself in front of the microphone. As Akira sang, he closed his eyes and swayed to the music. He spoke out the lyrics more than he sang them, and his voice was shaky. Waya gave Hikaru a look that screamed 'I told you so,' but Hikaru ignored him. Akira's nervous shyness only made him more adorable.

"How does he even know this song, anyway?" Waya asked over the blasting music. It was a good question. Hikaru hadn't the slightest clue how he could know it. Isumi grabbed a book to search for a song. After a short while, he leaned towards Hikaru.

"He sounds scared," he said.

"Well, it's probably his first time ever singing in public," Hikaru said. He noticed that Akira had unclenched his hands and was moving his arms a little more. "Look, he's getting the hang of it."

"What are you singing, Waya?" Isumi asked.

"It's a surprise," Waya said. Isumi faced Akira.

"He's not singing a slow song," he said. "So should I pick a slow song?"

"Yeah," Waya said. "We're supposed to be doing ballads."

"We have all day," Hikaru said. "He'll sing another one. Now quiet, it's getting to the good part." The three listened quietly as Akira entered the last and most complicated part of the song. Akira's brow furrowed and he recited the words mechanically. Waya shook his head, but didn't say anything. Hikaru sat back and wondered what it was that was making Akira so uptight. It was karaoke. It was supposed to be goofy and fun. They had a room all to themselves. Why couldn't Akira loosen up a little?

When the song ended, Akira bowed and Isumi stood. A score showed up on the screen behind them. Akira had earned 54 out of 100. Waya and Hikaru exchanged glances. It was probably best that they didn't mention his failing grade.

"We'll show him how it's done," Waya said. As Isumi passed Akira on his way up to the stage, he and Akira exchanged words. Akira's expression brightened and he was smiling as he returned to the couch.

"What did he say?" Hikaru asked.

"He said that I did really well for a first timer," Akira said. "I thought so, too. I didn't mess up any of the words." Akira's eyes shifted between Hikaru and Waya, searching for agreement.

"It was awesome," Hikaru said, not mentioning the fact that he had messed up exactly 46 percent of the words. "This is fun." Akira beamed and nodded, and Hikaru mentally kicked himself for forgetting to bring a camera.

As Isumi's song started, Akira felt the call of nature. He leaned over to Hikaru and told him that he needed to use the bathroom. Hikaru asked him to wait until the song was over and that he would take him then. Akira agreed and watched Isumi sing. It was a song he'd never heard before, but it sounded nice. Isumi didn't sound nervous at all, causing Akira to wonder if he had sounded nervous.

When Isumi was done, Hikaru told Waya to hold off for a moment before he did his song.

"I'll serenade Isumi until you guys get back," Waya said with a smirk. Akira left the room behind Hikaru. Hikaru led Akira to the bathroom, and then returned to the room. After he finished, Akira left the WC and headed for the bar. He ordered a glass of water and started back for his group's room. He was halfway there when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Startled, he turned around quickly to see who was there. It was Ashiwara, and he wore an expression of concern on his face.

"Ashiwara-kun?" Akira asked, stunned.

"Hey, Toya…" Ashiwara said. "I thought you said you'd be busy all day."

"Yes. Yes, I will be. I…wasn't the one who decided the plans for the first part of the day, though." Akira heard a door open somewhere down the hall and he turned to look. Hikaru came from the room and looked startled when he saw Akira with Ashiwara. A new type of nervousness welled in Akira's stomach, this type most unwelcome. "I hadn't known that I would be coming here…" he tried to explain.

"I thought you weren't supposed to be…" Ashiwara looked over to Hikaru. "I thought your dad said…" Akira straightened his posture.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

"We're talking now," Ashiwara said. He reached for Akira's free hand, but Akira turned his body to regard Hikaru as he stopped next to them, effectively preventing Ashiwara from making contact with him. "Toya…"

"'Ki…uh, Toya, what's going on?" Hikaru asked, moving closer up as Ashiwara started to back away.

"Just excuse us for a moment, Shindo-kun," Akira said. "It'll just be a moment." The look Hikaru was giving Ashiwara showed his discomfort with the situation, but there was little either of them could do at that time. Hikaru nodded and moved further down the hall, staying in sight. Akira tried to remain calm, but he was slowly beginning to panic. He rubbed his forehead as he thought about the best way to handle the situation.

"I thought your dad said that you can't hang out with Shindo anymore."

"I know. He…he did."

"So what are you doing, Toya? He's not going to be happy when he finds out about this."

"You…you're going to tell him?" Akira asked, his eyebrows shifting towards his crown. "Ashiwara-kun…"

"I've never known you to go against your dad, Toya-kun."

"I don't when he's being reasonable, but I just can't understand where he's coming from with this," Akira said. "Shindo and I are just friends, like you and I are friends. If I'm allowed to spend time with you, then how come I can't spend time with him?"

"Well, it's not really for us to question, is it?" Ashiwara asked.

"Ashiwara, you can't tell him."

"Well, what am I supposed to say?"

"You can just pretend that you didn't see me," Akira said. "Just don't even mention today to him."

"I'm seeing him later, by the way. Did you know that he's—?"

"That he's…what?" Akira asked. Ashiwara shook his head.

"You can't expect me to lie."

"No, not lie…" Akira began. He was instantly reminded of the conversation that he had had with Hikaru about him hanging out at Mitani's place. He swallowed hard, knowing that in asking Ashiwara to help him, he was being a hypocrite. "Just don't mention that you saw me at all, just don't tell him about _this_." Akira motioned around the hall of the karaoke bar. "I can't imagine you wanting to discuss karaoke with him, so…"

"You're putting me in a tight spot, Akira. I mean, if our situation was reversed, would you do the same for me?"

"In this exact situation, I would," Akira said. "Because there is no harm in having fun with your friends." Ashiwara sighed and shifted his weight to the other side of his body. "Please, Ashiwara-kun."

"If he asks about you, I'll have no choice but to tell him."

"I understand," Akira said, lowering his head.

"I'll do what I can."

"Thank you, Ashiwara-kun. Thank you so much." Akira clasped his hands together in relief. "Thank you." Ashiwara put his hand up to stop Akira. Akira gave him a solemn look as he walked away without saying anything else. He let out a heavy sigh and leaned against the nearest wall for support. He suddenly felt very ill and tired. He took a moment to compose himself before facing Hikaru, who had approached him.

"Babe…" he said, sympathizing.

"I know…" Akira said. "Let's just…let's just go back."

In the room, Waya's song was ending. The music was pleasant, and Waya seemed pleased with himself. Isumi was holding his hand, looking completely enamored with him. It looked as if Waya had succeeded in wooing him. Isumi disregarded Hikaru and Akira as they entered the room. Determined to help Akira put the worst behind him, Hikaru chose to use his turn to lighten the mood. Waya received 100 percent and he celebrated by hooting obnoxiously loudly. Isumi looked proud of him, and then they started kissing. Hikaru wasn't going to let them get lost in each other while Akira was gloomy. He had to make this one count.

Hikaru went on stage and began singing a rock song in a horribly shrill, unbearable voice. Waya and Isumi cheered him on. Akira faced the stage with an anxious look. He thought that they were supposed to be having some kind of contest, but it seemed as if Hikaru wasn't taking it seriously. His voice still had a young tone to it, and Akira was sure that that would give him a nice sound to his voice if he sang. However, what was going on onstage could never be described as singing.

Akira was relieved when Hikaru finished. He hurried back to the couch and received an excited reception from Waya and Isumi. Akira feigned a smile, but remained seated while Waya gushed about how "awesomely cool" it was. Hikaru sat down and scooted up close to Akira's body.

"Did you like it, 'Kira?" he asked.

"It was…_cool_…" Akira said. Then he averted his eyes. Hikaru cuddled into him, leaving Waya and Isumi out of their conversation.

"So what happened out there?" he asked. "I was afraid you were going to have a conniption fit or something."

"No, it's fine..." Akira nodded for emphasis. Hikaru looked worried.

"Seriously, you look upset."

"Oh, it's nothing," Akira said. "What's next? More songs, or…"

"Why are you shifting so much?" Hikaru asked. Was he moving around more than usual? Akira shook his head.

"I don't know," he said.

"Do you wanna go?" Akira stared at him for a short while and then nodded.

"Yes. Yes, that would be best."

After dropping Waya and Isumi off earlier than planned, Hikaru drove to his house. Akira was silent most of the way, only talking when Hikaru asked him something, and he didn't say very much when he did speak. Hikaru was annoyed that he wasn't talking, and he was annoyed that Sai wasn't and hadn't been around since they entered the bar. They pulled into a park about two blocks down and walked together to the house. When they entered, Mrs. Shindo came and greeted them at the door. She offered snacks, which Hikaru and Akira both refused. Akira followed Hikaru up the stairs to Hikaru's bedroom.


	9. Irrevocable Actions

**Summary**: A continuation to New Year's Eve at the Touya's. Hikaru and Akira begin their relationship, running into both foreseen and unexpected hardships along the way. Will they be able to maintain their love for each other in the wake of adversity?

**Disclaimer**: Hikaru no Go is written by Yumi Hotta and the animated series was created by Studio Pierrot. Please do not construe the writing of this fanfiction as a claim to ownership in any way.

**A New Year, A New Life**

**4 – Irrevocable Actions**

Akira took his jacket off and sat it on the back of the desk chair. He plopped down on the bed and pulled his hair back along his crown, his expression beat. Hikaru sat his coat on top of Akira's and sat next to him on the bed. Akira let his hair flop back into place, though it was now unsettled.

"What's up?" Hikaru asked. "You mad at me?"

"Oh, God no, Hikaru. You're the last person I could be mad at right now."

"Then what's up?"

"I'm just afraid. I can't believe how hard it was to convince Ashiwara-kun not to say anything, and he still might."

"But he wants you, 'Kira. He won't say anything."

"No, he doesn't, if doing favors is any sort of measure of attraction," Akira said. "I had to beg him. Can you believe that? And how does he even know about the situation with you, anyway?"

"I don't know," Hikaru said.

"I don't like this idea that dad might have just told everyone in his study group. I don't need this. I don't need to be checked up on."

"I don't think he'll tell," Hikaru said. "I mean, he might have just been trying to give you a hard time for breaking the rules…"

"I'm 18, for goodness sake!" Akira said. "I'm not a child anymore. I shouldn't have to deal with this. I can take care of myself." Akira rubbed his brow. "What am I going to tell him tonight about where I've been?"

"You can't just be honest with him and say that you were at a karaoke bar?"

"It's highly unusual for me to do something like that."

"Yeah, but I mean…you had a New Year's party." Akira pursed his lips.

"Oh, that?" he said with a scoff. "Dad thinks that the whole thing was your bright idea, did I tell you that? I'm in enough hot water over that night as it is. What am I going to do?" Hikaru didn't have an answer.

_You should play go_… Sai whispered in his left ear. Irritated, Hikaru swatted at him, both for saying something stupid and for scaring him.

"Damn pest!" he said. Akira wrapped his arms around Hikaru.

"Don't lash out," he said calmly. He pulled his boyfriend closer and kissed him gently on the side of the mouth. "If I have to deal with the consequences, then…we have to make this moment count, Hikaru."

"Does…that mean you want to make out?" Akira nodded.

"Yes, that is what that means. Are you angry?"

"No—no," Hikaru said quickly. "But… I mean… I'm upset at the situation, but…we can still kiss, 'Kira." Hikaru slid his arms gently around Akira's body and began to kiss him tentatively. However, Akira's lips soon began to move impatiently. Hikaru picked up on this, and lowered him to the bed. He pulled his hand through his hair a few times, causing Akira to shiver. He was only just getting used to the effects of intimacy with Akira when he heard a timid knock at the door. Before either of them could respond, Hikaru's mother opened the door and walked in.

"Hey, you two," she said, completely ignoring their attempt to sit up and unclench themselves from one another. She took a seat at Hikaru's desk chair and wheeled it closer to the bed.

"Good…good afternoon, Shindo-san," Akira said, his breathing shallow.

"How was your morning?"

"Great, without the interruption," Hikaru said. Akira faced him.

"Hikaru, that was rude!" he scolded in a heated whisper. He looked at Mrs. Shindo. "It was very nice," he said.

"I was worried," Mrs. Shindo said. "You looked so upset when you came in, Akira-chan."

"Oh, thank you for asking."

"Is everything all right at home?"

"Yes, thank you," Akira said, nodding once.

"I remember some time ago, your father mentioned that we should all get together for dinner, but we never got around to planning anything. I think that now would be the perfect opportunity, don't you?"

"Oh, well…I would love to take you up on that, Shindo-san," Akira said. "However, father…is…" Akira searched for the right words. "Father…needs some time."

"Oh, is he very busy as of late?"

"Yes," Akira said quickly. "However, dinner with you sounds lovely."

"You seem…so anxious," Mrs. Shindo said, looking concerned.

"Maybe it's because you scared us half to death, ma. I thought you were going to see grandpa."

"I did, this morning," Mrs. Shindo said. "But you said you'd be seeing Akira-chan today, so I decided to come back in time to spend time with the two of you."

"Seriously, ma," Hikaru complained.

"I think this is lovely, Hikaru," Akira said. "It's lovely. It was very thoughtful of you, Shindo-san." Mrs. Shindo smiled brightly.

"So, what was your morning like?" she asked.

"It was fun," Akira said. "We sang karaoke."

"So we didn't have any time to talk. And we were with Waya and Isumi so we didn't have any time to spend alone."

"There'll be plenty of time for that later," Mrs. Shindo said. "But for now, let's talk. Did you both sing?"

"Yeah, ma," Hikaru said.

"I didn't think that karaoke places were open at this time of day."

"Well, it was." Akira nudged Hikaru, appalled by his rudeness. Hikaru rolled his eyes.

"This particular one is open 24 hours a day," Akira said with a sidelong glance at Hikaru.

"It sounds like fun," Mrs. Shindo said, and both her expression and her tone displayed delight. They all perked at the sound of the phone ringing off in the distance. "Oh, I should get that," Mrs. Shindo said. She smiled and politely excused herself. Hikaru folded his arms.

"If you encourage her, she'll only stay," he pouted.

"Goodness, just look at you. Stop pouting. You look like such a child, Hikaru." Hikaru rolled his eyes again.

"Whatever," he said.

"Neither your mother nor I deserve your attitude."

"Well, I'm sorry, but I'm annoyed." Akira patted Hikaru's thigh.

"You're the worst," he said. Hikaru took his hand and held it before he could pull away.

"I love you, 'Kira-Fi," he said. Akira smirked at him despite his sour mood. "You gotta take the good with the bad." Akira sighed.

"Well, luckily for the both of us, what is good about you…is _very_ good, Hikaru…" Hikaru nodded with a look on his face as if he knew all. They leaned into one another and began to kiss again. Hikaru wasted no time lowering Akira to the bed. He rested his weight on him, shifted so that he was partially on top of him. Akira fed into the moment at first, but then he began to try to break the kiss. Namely, the moment that Hikaru tried to lift his shirt.

As he tried to move his face, Hikaru followed him and kept their lips in contact. Akira began to murmur, and Hikaru murmured back, succeeding in pulling Akira's shirt out from inside of his pants. Akira huffed in exasperation. He set his hands at Hikaru's chest and gently pushed him. Hikaru moved back and groaned.

"What?" he asked. Akira narrowed his eyes.

"Don't you 'what' me," he said. "Get off of me."

"But why? You said you wanted to."

"Kissing is one thing, but not this," Akira said, motioning at their disheveled appearances. "Your mother is home."

"So, what? We just won't stop next time she knocks. She'll get the idea." Akira shook his head, narrowing his eyes further.

"Get off," he said. Hikaru groaned again and flopped over on the bed. "Goodness, you are just impossible. This just isn't a good idea."

"We can still kiss, right?" Hikaru asked.

"Sitting up," Akira said. "We can kiss sitting up, but don't overdo it." Hikaru rose and immediately started kissing him again. Akira refrained from holding him, but Hikaru's arms wrapped around him and pulled him into his body. Akira felt Hikaru try to pull him down towards the bed again and was about to complain when there was a single knock at the door. Akira pulled away from Hikaru as the door opened.

"That was your father, Hikaru," Mrs. Shindo said, entering with a tray. "He'll be home early tonight." Mrs. Shindo settled herself on the chair again, sliding the tray on the desk.

"Seriously, ma?" Hikaru complained. "What are you doing?"

"I brought you some snacks."

"But we said no, ma," Hikaru said.

"But you're both so thin," Mrs. Shindo said. "Growing boys needs to eat as much as they can."

"We're 18, ma," Hikaru said. "We aren't boys anymore, we're men, and we ain't growing anymore, either."

"Nonsense," Mrs. Shindo said. "You're still my boys." Akira smiled at her. She was a pleasant, loving woman. He liked her. Mrs. Shindo took the platter and stuck it under their noses. "Eat," she said. "Have a cookie. I baked them fresh this morning."

"Thank you, they smell wonderful," Akira said. He took a sugar cookie heart dusted with cinnamon and sugar. Hikaru hesitantly picked a small, flaky fruit filled pastry. "You must really like to bake, Shindo-san," Akira noted. He took a bite of the cookie. "You are a magnificent cook."

"Thank you, Akira-chan. That's so sweet of you to say."

"Everybody knows you cook good, ma," Hikaru said. "You're always feeding everyone when they come over. Maybe we just want to talk and play GO, ma."

"But you're all so thin," Mrs. Shindo said, a mother's concern showing through again. "I have never seen such a scrawny group of people. And it makes me feel better knowing that you have a healthy appetite, Hikaru-chan. Some of your friends don't have their mothers around to cook for them, so they have to eat something good when they come over." Mrs. Shindo looked over to Akira and patted his thigh. Akira smiled at her.

"You're very kind," he said.

"Do you think that I am imposing?" she asked, and from her eyes, Akira could see that she wanted an honest answer.

"No," Akira said, honestly. "I am enjoying myself. I enjoy your company." Mrs. Shindo nodded. She looked at Hikaru.

"I would like to speak to Akira-chan, Hikaru," she said.

"Okay…?" Hikaru said, holding his hands out as if he didn't know what she meant.

"Alone, I believe," Akira murmured. Hikaru frowned.

"Maaa…" he moaned. "C'mon, we're trying to chill."

"Hikaru," Mrs. Shindo said sternly.

"What do you have to say to him that I can't hear?" Hikaru asked.

"Just excuse us for a moment," Mrs. Shindo said. "Go wash your hands. I know you haven't washed your hands." Akira watched as Hikaru got up quickly from the bed, making an irritated noise loud enough for the both of them to hear. He nearly slammed the door on his way out. Akira shook his head.

"I can't believe the way he acts sometimes…" he said. "Is it always like this?"

"Oh, yes," Mrs. Shindo said. "After a while, you just get used to it and ignore it. He's happy and he's healthy and he's safe. It's all a mother could ask for." Mrs. Shindo's expression turned wary. She sighed and rubbed her chin with the back of her hand. Akira waited patiently for her to speak. "Akira-chan… How is everything at home? Really?"

"It's fine," Akira said, nodding.

"Do… Does your family know about this?"

"About…Hikaru and I?" Mrs. Shindo nodded. Akira felt the pressure of burp travel up his digestive system. He held it back as he tried to think of what to say. When his answer didn't come quickly enough, Mrs. Shindo nodded.

"Do they know about _you_?" Akira lowered his gaze. "I see."

"I'm sure it wouldn't be that big of a deal if I told them," Akira said. "But I just don't want to complicate matters on the off chance that it is." Mrs. Shindo nodded again, her eyes sympathetic.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked. "Or perhaps…practice what it would be like to tell them?"

"You're much too kind, Shindo-san," Akira said. He chewed on the inside of his lip for a short while. "It just wouldn't be accurate."

"So there isn't anything I could do?" Mrs. Shindo asked with a careful tone. "I…absolutely adore you, Akira-chan. You are a good friend to Hikaru… A good influence on him. You are smart and well-mannered. I know that you will do right my Hikaru and by yourself. I just want you to know that you are always welcome here and I am always here for you if you ever need to talk about anything." Akira nodded, but could no longer meet her eyes. It felt as if a lump had settled in his diaphragm and his stomach hurt. But at the same time, he felt good. He felt relieved. He just wished that he could have this talk with someone in his own family.

"Thank you," he said. Mrs. Shindo stood from the chair and leaned over Akira. She pushed back his bangs and kissed him on the forehead.

"I'll leave you two alone now." Akira nodded. He barely heard her leave. His heart began to race, and tears had begun streaming down his face. He sniffed and put a hand to his mouth. As Hikaru entered the room, he started sobbing. Hikaru closed the door quickly.

"'Kira, what did she do to you?" he asked.

"Nothing…" Akira huffed, but then he thought better of it. "No… She…she has. She has done something…remarkable…for me…" Akira snorted and shook his head again. "I just…I just need a moment."

"Okay…" Hikaru sat next to him on the bed. After a while, they talked about and played a game of GO, but Akira didn't tell Hikaru about what had transpired between him and Mrs. Shindo. Later, they let the matter drop and went to see a movie. They had an early dinner at a sit down restaurant in Hikaru's neighborhood. Hikaru dropped Akira off at a train station and from there, Akira went on to his father's salon. Ishikawa gave him a ride home after closing, and he arrived at a quarter to nine.

The house was quiet, which was unusual. His father's group should have been gathered that evening, but as far as Akira could see, only his mother was home. Akira took off his shoes and put on his slippers, then removed his winter layers and stored them in the closet. He moved towards his room, but paused when he heard his mother shuffle to the start of the hallway of the private quarters. He turned to her.

"Good evening, mother," he said.

"Akira…" she said quickly. "…your father wishes to see you in his den." In that instant, Akira felt his skin chill. He nodded nervously and walked back into the living room. His father's den was on the right side of the living room adjacent to the kitchen. The door was closed and Akira felt as if he was walking towards something ominous as he approached it. He tried to steel his nerves as he reached for the notch in the door. He let out a sigh and slid the door open.

His father was kneeling in the center of the room and it was dim. The windows were all covered, and the floor was bare. The GO-board and padded seats were all set aside. Koyo sat on the only seat available and so Akira positioned himself to the left of him, facing him. Koyo kept his eyes averted; Akira kept his on the floor.

"You wanted to see me, father?" he asked, his voice tight with anxiety. Koyo's natural frowned deepened.

"I specifically forbade your seeing him, and you disobeyed me," he grumbled. Akira winced. How had he found out? "The nerve. The disrespect. I have it in my mind to just throw you out of here." Akira's limbs were tingling, his heart pounding at an astounding pace.

"Father…"

"I didn't say that you could speak." His father's voice had taken on an unfamiliar rumbling, almost like a growl. Akira had never heard him so angry. And over what? Akira bit back his words and lowered his head in humility. "And to see what you went out in."

"Aunt Sayuri gave that to me," Akira said defensively.

"I don't need you making a fool of me!" Koyo exclaimed.

"When did I…? Father…?"

"Hush!" Akira swallowed hard. He had the smallest of grasps of what was going on. "Do _not_ speak. I won't allow you to embarrass this family. I hoped you enjoyed your day of freedom and disobedience, because it is your last. I will not let you make a fool of me, Akira. I will not stand for insubordination." His father looked at him, finally. "To think that you would go against my word… To think that you would entertain deviant behavior. It must be him that is turning you into this ungrateful, disobedient brat." Akira closed his eyes, trying to shut out the insults. "I won't have it. Today's disobedience was the last straw. Takami-san!" Akira winced again at the strength of his father's voice. Akiko opened the door to the den and led a tall, burly man with no hair and a fitted black suit into the room. "I cannot trust you on your own. For as long as you live in this house, you are not to be without a chaperone. Takami will see to that."

"Father…" Akira gulped.

"You will have your work, but there will be no more play. I have devised your schedule for the next 3 weeks and there will be no other moments besides those that you are allowed out of this house." Akira's disappointment, confusion and fear gave way to rage in a matter of seconds. He didn't have to stand for this. This was inane; an absolute joke. "Takami, see him to his room." Takami moved towards Akira quickly, grabbed him underneath his arm and pulled him up from the floor. Anger swirled through Akira like waves of red hot energy. He balled his fists and turned his scowl on his father.

"You cannot do this!" he said, pulling away from Takami. His father rose from the floor slowly and turned an icy glare on Akira. "You can't do this, father! You can't cage me in like an animal. I am—!" Akira's world was rocked to the very core as the back of his father's hand came crashing down onto the right side of his face. Stunned, he stumbled to the ground.

"Your insolence will not be tolerated!" Akira heard this through the white noise buzzing in front of his face and in his right ear. He brought a hand to his cheek and felt tears. He looked down and saw that he had already made the tatami wet with tears, also.

"Dad…" he cried. He ventured to look up at his father. He was standing immobile and solid, his glare still strong. Unremorseful. Akira climbed up from the floor, still stumbling about. He was dizzy with pain, both physical and emotional.

"Get him out of here," Koyo said to Takami. Akira fought against Takami as he tried to grab him again.

"Stop!" Akira cried, shifting away from both men towards the door. He looked at his father again. "You're a monster… Only a monster would hit someone weaker. Someone who can't retaliate." Takami was approaching him again. Akira turned to the door and saw his mother. Her face was pained, but she cut eye contact as soon as it was made and she moved away from him and the door. She knew what had taken place. She knew that her husband had hit her only child and she chose to do nothing. They were both psychotic. The both of them. "I'm not safe here…" Akira said and Takami took him by the arm. He shook himself free, shouting at the top of his lungs to each of the three occupants in the room. "I'm calling the police! I'm 18! Let me go, you—! You can't hit me, you just can't! You're insane! You're a monster!"

"Stop fighting me!" Takami said, shaking Akira to still him. "If you'd just've listened you wouldn't be in this situation." Akira growled and rammed his body into Takami's. As his grip loosened, Akira fled the room. Takami followed him, but Akira was flightier and with his head start, he was able to get to his room in time to lock the door behind him. He went over to his closet, opened the door and flung himself to the floor. He covered his face and sobbed.

He knew that disobeying his father would bring consequences, he knew it would. He'd never expected, however, that his father would raise his hand to him. Would strike him. That his mother would see her husband exhibit abuse and not do a single thing about it. That his parents would allow a stranger to hold him in captivity like a prisoner. He had to get out of there. It was sooner than he expected, but he had to go. He would ask Waya about how he managed to move out and he would go that route. He would do anything to escape this place, a place that used to hold sweet memories but that had now turned into a residence of hell.


	10. A New Connection

**Summary**: A continuation to New Year's Eve at the Toya's. Hikaru and Akira begin their relationship, running into both foreseen and unexpected hardships along the way. Will they be able to maintain their love for each other in the wake of adversity?

**Disclaimer**: Hikaru no Go is written by Yumi Hotta and the animated series was created by Studio Pierrot. Please do not construe the writing of this fanfiction as a claim to ownership in any way.

**A New Year, A New Life**

**5 – A New Connection**

It didn't surprise Akira to see the shoe compartment he normally used filled with Valentine's Day gifts. It happened every year, but he had somehow wound up with more than usual this year. He felt that over the past week and a half, he hadn't had any opportunity to endear himself to his admirers and coworkers, him being locked away inside his house and all. However, he was glad to see that people still cared about him enough to leave him gifts.

Before he sifted through them, he took a few moments to slip Valentines into the compartments of his friends, making sure to skip Hikaru's as Takami was watching him from the hallway. Hikaru's gift was attached to Isumi's, someone Akira knew would be responsible in making sure that Hikaru received it. Then, Akira kneeled in front of the gifts in his compartment. He arranged them so that they were organized with cards, bags and tiny boxes fitting nicely in the compartment.

Most of them were from anonymous sources, but others were from Hikaru's friends. Akira knew that Takami would sift through them to make sure that none of them were from Hikaru, so he was relieved when he saw that none of the tags had Hikaru's name on them. He was sure Hikaru would get him something later on in secret.

He put on his shoes and walked into the main GO room. His opponent was already at the board when he seated himself. She was smiling nervously at him, and rightfully so. Marume Eri had been one of more than a dozen people to leave Akira a Valentine's Day gift. She was a mousy girl of a wealthy background, someone with few friends and decent head on her shoulders. She wore her black hair in a bob, and little to no makeup. She wore skirts through the wintertime with long socks even when it was unbearably cold. This Akira knew because he was observant, however, that was the extent of his concern with her. Her GO was nothing spectacular. To Akira, there was nothing special about her. She was just another face in the crowd.

"This is…so awkward…" she said, rubbing a red cheek.

"Why do you say that?" Akira asked, though he knew why.

"Because… I…" She shook her head. "Nevermind." Akira didn't think much of the fact that she had left something for him, and he wasn't sure why the young woman was so flustered when he was sure that she knew how he alluded to his private life in public.

"I don't want you to feel awkward," he said. "I appreciate the thought, but everyone knows that I am not interested in relationships at this time." Marume's eyebrows sunk.

"But… I thought that… I thought I heard your father say that… I mean even Ashiwara-kun went as far as to mention that you're more open to the idea of dating this year." Akira felt an odd pain in his left side.

"…what?" he asked cautiously.

"You know…with you being 18 this year and all…" Marume said. She blushed a little more, and tried to hide it behind her bangs. Akira watched her peculiarly. It seemed like a rather feminine thing to do, and yet he knew that he did it when he was feeling shy or ashamed. He looked away from her and tried to focus on the issue at hand. "They just made it seem like this year would be different for you."

"That is only hearsay," Akira said firmly. "I've made no such decision." Marume didn't seem to believe him, but he couldn't help what she thought. He cleared his throat to finalize the conversation, then scanned the room for Hikaru. He saw him at the door, unusually bright and early. A smile came to Akira's face when they made eye contact. Hikaru motioned into the hall with his head, and then left. Understanding that he meant to be followed, Akira rose and left wordlessly. He was not attentive enough to his surroundings to properly excuse himself. He had to find out what Hikaru was leading him into.

Hikaru was already out of sight when Akira reached the gathering space. He walked out into the nearest hall, and looked both ways before spotting Hikaru going into the bathroom. Akira hurried along after him, and in doing so, he caught the attention of Takami, who followed with his heavy gait. Akira reached the bathroom and opened the door. He walked inside and as he passed the first stall, he felt a hand tug him inside. He gasped, but consciously cut it short when he saw Hikaru's face, a finger to his mouth to quiet Akira.

Akira beamed and hugged him, refraining from jumping up and down like he really wanted to. It had been so long since they had been able to touch each other. Hikaru held a hand to the back of his head and forced him (unnecessarily) into a fierce, drawn out kiss. It left Akira gasping for air with his head on Hikaru's shoulder. Hikaru touched his head gently and whispered into his ear, "how ya been, 'Fi?"

"Good…" Akira whispered back. It was a lie; he had been miserable. However, at the moment, he was on cloud nine and that was all that he could think about.

"You get me something for Valentine's?"

"Yes. It is with Isumi-san's gift."

"Why does he get something?"

"What?"

"Why did you get him something, 'Kira?"

"Because he is a friend. Don't people receive gifts from friends on Valentine's?"

"Well, sometimes…" Hikaru said. Akira felt the tremor of a burp from inside Hikaru's body. He looked up at him.

"You've been eating hamburgers again, haven't you?" Hikaru smirked. "You know they make you gassy."

"What can I say?" Hikaru asked. "They're good. I can't help myself." Akira rubbed his stomach and leaned in to kiss him again. Hikaru eased up on the pressure he had on Akira's head and Akira broke the kiss.

"What…did you get me?" he breathed.

"It's a surprise, but open it as soon as you get home and tucked away in your room, 'Ki."

"Okay," Akira said, nodding. He heard the bathroom door open and they both waited in silence as someone walked over to occupy a stall. Akira sighed his relief. "We should go." Hikaru's expression didn't back up his nod in agreement. He pecked Akira on the lips.

"You should go first," he said. Akira hugged him tightly before leaving the stall. "Oh, yeah, and I'm Nase, 'Kira." Nase had been a name on one of his Valentine's gifts. Akira smiled and nodded. He washed his hands out of habit and was in the process of drying them when Takami entered the bathroom, looking wary. Akira tossed him an annoyed look and used the paper towel over the door handle as he opened the door. He slipped the crumpled mass into the garbage as the door was closing. Takami followed closely behind him, and it was obvious that he was suspicious. From Akira's flushed face down to the fact that he had begun to perspire, it was obvious that he had been through something interesting, to say the least. The games went on without any other surprises, Akira facing away from Hikaru for the duration.

When he arrived home later that day, Akira hurried to his room and locked the door behind him. He sat his bag of Valentine's gifts on his bed and set through sorting them in order of which he wanted to open first. He of course chose "Nase's". It was a gift bag that contained a small, rectangular box, a card and a tiny, heart shaped box of chocolates. Akira opened the chocolates first and ate one while he cut the top of the envelope of the card. He took it out and read it.

_Akira Fira_

_I know we haven't had the best start to the year, but I didn't want to let our first Valentine's Day go to waste. So I got us something that's going to make our lives a crap load better. (Akira winced at Hikaru's choice of words.) Hope you like it. Gimme a call as soon as you can. I love you like ice cream!_

_Hikaru_

Though it wasn't as sappy as Akira had hoped, it was certainly the most he would get out of Hikaru. He set the card aside and ate another chocolate before he took the wrapping off of the box. He turned it over and frowned when he saw that it was a cell phone.

Hikaru got him a cell phone? How was he supposed to use a cell phone? Akira opened the box and took out the instruction booklet, which was rather thick. He thumbed through it quickly, and followed the directions for starting up. Afterwards, he plugged it in and let it charge. He would certainly call Hikaru as soon as the red light on the phone turned green.

The rest of his Valentines were standard colleague to colleague formalities with the exception of Marume's card. She had wrote him a lengthy note about her desire to start a friendship, if he was willing. As he contemplated how he would eventually respond, he stored his items away in the box where he kept his small gifts from years past. He placed the phone under his bed to make sure no one would see it, and then he left the room to go into the kitchen. Takami didn't follow him as closely when he was home, so Akira moved around as he pleased. He fixed a salad of mixed greens, shredded carrots and bell peppers with toasted flat bread and Italian dressing, and then went into the dining room to eat.

He heard his parents come in meanwhile, and then he heard the sound of Koyo, Akiko and Takami walking between the rooms. He heard voices coming from the living room, and suspected that it was Takami giving his father a talk about what all had transpired that day. Akiko retreated to the kitchen to make dinner. Akira had stopped eating dinner with them since the incident. He wasn't in the mood to face his father and mother in formal situations anymore. Instead, right before they were usually due home, he made sure to have an early dinner and a light snack about an hour before bed, if he became hungry.

He finished his meal, but didn't leave the dining room until he was sure that Koyo had gone into his den. Akira took his dishes into the kitchen. Akiko turned to him and paused slightly. Whenever she saw him for the first time in a day since the incident, her body would stiffen and she would stop what she was in the middle of as if she had been caught doing something inappropriate. Then she would stammer a greeting and keep a conspicuous eye on him when he was in her presence. Today was no exception. Akira murmured his hello and washed his dishes with his mother's eyes on him, staring at him warily as if he was a stranger in her home.

Akira went into his room afterwards and locked the door. From underneath the bed, he heard an odd buzzing noise. He went over to the bed and kneeled by it to reach for the phone. He lifted it and watched it peculiarly as it buzzed at him. The screen told him that he had 15 messages. He lowered his eyebrows and frowned. How could he have so many messages when only Hikaru knew his number? The light on the phone was still red, but he opened the phone to be able to look at his messages anyway.

_Hey, Kira-Fi. You're gonna call me right? Luv Ya. Hikaru._ Akira immediately chose to save the message.

_Hey, the phone said you received my message, so call me, okay? Hikaru. _Save.

_Yo, this Waya. Save my # in ur phone and we'll talk, k?_ Save. The next message was a picture message. Actually, the next six were and they were all of Hikaru. Akira stared at the phone with wide eyes as he reviewed the messages. First, Hikaru was pouting. _Call me already_! _Hikaru_ Then he was looking stern. Then he was laughing as if someone had been tickling him. Then he was pouting again. Then sticking out his tongue, and lastly, he was holding up a peace sign. Akira saved all of them and then went back to looking at his messages.

_This is Akari. :-) Yay, you have a cell phone now! :-) Text me and let me know you've got my number! Later! :-) _Akira saved it, but before he could read the next one, he received another influx of picture messages from Hikaru. Akira sat and stared at them for probably longer than would be considered normal. Each time another message came in, he immediately opened it to see what silly face Hikaru would be making in it. In the last message, he was disappointed to only see text.

_Send me some photos of you, too, k? Luv ya. Hikaru._ Akira's phone had a camera, but he hadn't bothered to thoroughly read how it worked. Now, however, he wanted to. He took his manual out and flipped to the section that told him what to do. He took a few pictures and saved them even though they were blurry and crooked. Five minutes later, he sent his first ever phone message: a photo of him with a tentative smile. Hikaru called him a few moments later.

"Hey, you," he said, sounding gleeful.

"Hey, Hikaru."

"You didn't call me…"

"Well, you sent so many messages and I wanted to read them. Your friends have sent me messages, too. This is…kind of fun."

"Yeah, it's fun. We can talk all day and all night and no one will be the wiser, 'Kira." A peculiar smile came across Akira's face as he thought about those words. He would love to be able to talk to Hikaru whenever the mood struck. All of the pictures that Hikaru had sent him were adorable and he wanted more. He wondered if he should take that many pictures and send them to Hikaru. Perhaps Hikaru would enjoy them as much as Akira did. Even though it was inappropriate, he quite liked the idea of Hikaru looking at pictures of him. Admiring him. Wanting to see more of him… "He—hello?"

"Yes?"

"You there, 'Kira?"

"Yes, I'm here." There was a pause. "Hikaru?"

"Why do you sound all breathy?"

"Oh, do I?" Akira asked, blinking himself away from his thoughts. He cleared his throat. "Excuse me."

"What were you doing?" Hikaru asked, sounding amused.

"I was thinking. I was thinking that maybe…I should send you more pictures."

"Yeah. Do that." Akira started to pick at his pants hems.

"I will…" he said. "I want to have dinner with you."

"Oh, but we can't. You're stuck indoors all night. Do your parents do stuff for Valentine's?"

"No. Father doesn't quite understand the point and mother always goes along with father."

"Oh."

"How about your parents?"

"They do because I bug them into doing stuff. They don't really care for it, but it gives them an excuse to go out to dinner and have a romantic night."

"That sounds lovely."

"Yeah. I'll be home alone all night and we can't even take advantage."

"I can't believe they left you alone," Akira said. "Knowing that we're together."

"Well, ma has faith that you're not going to let me take advantage of you. She was saying stuff like, 'that Akira has a good head on his shoulders.' Stuff like that."

"Well, I do. I'm not so easily roused."

"You are when I get you mad," Hikaru said. "I like getting a rise out of you."

"Hmph." Hikaru chuckled and it made Akira smile. He was about to speak when he heard a knock at the door.

"Someone's knocking," Akira whispered.

"Call me back," Hikaru said. Akira nodded and hit 'end' on the cell phone. He hurriedly stuffed everything under his bed and stood up. Another set of knocks came.

"Akira?" It was his father. Akira was already annoyed at having been interrupted, but hearing that it was his father caused his expression to sink in disgust. He opened the door, keeping his eyes averted.

"Yes, father?"

"I understand that you received a number of gifts today."

"Yes, father."

"Let me see them." Akira walked over to his closet. He opened it and pulled out his box. His father had entered the room and was watching him. Akira took out the cards and empty bags. The chocolates were piled up on his nightstand. "Who are they from?" he asked. Akira set them out on the floor, naming who had given him what. His father stood pondering meanwhile. When Akira looked at him, he was scowling. "Why are you receiving gifts from males?" he asked. Akira's eyes narrowed in an unconscious challenge.

"All friends exchange gifts on Valentine's Day. These…from boys are just cards. These others and the chocolates were from girls."

"Who gave you the biggest chocolates?"

"Oh…that would be…" Akira thought back on when he'd sorted through the gifts. "Oh, it was Marume-san."

"Marume Eri?" Koyo asked, recounting her name, as he knew of her and her family. "Let me see what she gave you." Akira really didn't understand the point of this, but he reached for the chocolates and took the card she had given him up from the floor. Koyo took them both. He opened the card and read it. Akira's mouth hung open. It was none of his business what anyone wrote him for Valentine's Day! When he realized he was gaping, he snapped his mouth shut and looked away. The absolute nerve! He honestly couldn't wait to get out of there. "You had a game with her today?" Koyo asked.

"Yes." Koyo lowered the card to look at Akira.

"You watch your tone," he warned. Akira felt the bridge of his nose scrunch in displeasure. He lowered his head so that his father would not see it. _Why don't you just go to hell_? he thought. He found himself thinking that among other similarly horrible thoughts about the man he was forced to call father.

"She will do," Koyo said. Akira did not ask what he meant. He took the card and chocolates from Koyo when he handed them over, and then he let out a large sigh when Koyo left. He gathered everything together again and slid them into the closet. To be safe, he took the one from Hikaru and slipped it up on the top shelf of his closet underneath an old radio. He went back over to his bed and took out his phone. He looked at the other unanswered texts. They were all from Hikaru except for two:

_Shindo tells me this is your phone number for a cell phone. This is great! Now we can talk comfortably about your moving out. Call me_. Though a name hadn't been left, Akira knew it was from Isumi because he had been discussing moving out with him and Waya, and Waya had already sent him a message. Plus, the text was neat and proper. Isumi seemed to be the only friend of Hikaru's capable of pulling that off.

_Toya, it's Mitani. dont no y Shindo wants me 2 text u but whatevs._

"I don't know why either, jerk." Akira erased the message, and then went back to looking at his pictures of Hikaru. He felt as if he could sit for hours staring at them. He wondered how come he didn't have any photos of Hikaru. It seemed like something friends should have. The phone vibrated and pulled Akira from his thoughts. He shook his head, and then realized that even having the phone on vibrate would be dangerous if someone was in his room. He set it so that the phone would be silent and then looked to see what message had been sent.

_Don't forget to call me. Hikaru_. Akira frowned slightly. Hikaru was awfully overbearing with a phone, though Akira wasn't necessarily complaining. It was their only means of communication now, and Akira wanted to be able to speak with him just as much as Hikaru wanted to be able to speak with Akira. And so Akira called him back and spoke with him about just about everything that had taken place since the start of the New Year, about everything that they would have spoken of before if they had only been given the chance.

Afterward, at bedtime, Akira stayed awake for a few hours in bed testing out the perks of the phone. He'd learned from Hikaru that he was able to talk to him for free, which was fantastic, but that all other calls with the exception of Akari and Mitani wouldn't be free unless they took place after nine, or all day on the weekends. Akira was part of Hikaru's family plan, and Hikaru was paying for him. He also had unlimited text and picture messaging. Hikaru had already told him that that meant that he had to send him messages all the time. He had no excuse not to call him or text him out of the blue now. Akira set to work personalizing his phone, discovering that the device that he had found so annoying in the hands of others wasn't all that bad now that he had his own hands on one.


	11. The Wrong Way

**Summary**: A continuation to New Year's Eve at the Toya's. Hikaru and Akira begin their relationship, running into both foreseen and unexpected hardships along the way. Will they be able to maintain their love for each other in the wake of adversity?

**Disclaimer**: Hikaru no Go is written by Yumi Hotta and the animated series was created by Studio Pierrot. Please do not construe the writing of this fanfiction as a claim to ownership in any way.

**A New Year, A New Life**

**6 – The Wrong Way**

Hikaru perked when he heard the doorbell ring. He quickly got up from his bed and hurried down to see if it was who he thought it was. Indeed, Mitani was standing on the other side of the front door with an impatient look. Hikaru smirked at him as he let him in.

"Fuck's taking so long?" Mitani grumbled. Hikaru motioned towards the stairs.

"It's ma," he said. "She still gettin' ready."

"Oh." Mitani walked further inside and glanced around. "And Waya and Isumi?"

"They coming. They'll be here before ma ready, I bet." They were all preparing to leave to attend a small awards ceremony acknowledging go professionals for their community work and their outstanding achievements in their field. Waya, Isumi, Akira and Hikaru were all among the pros receiving honors that evening. Mrs. Shindo never passed up a chance to witness her son receiving an award and Mitani was also tagging along as moral support. Before long, Waya and Isumi arrived and all four friends gathered in the kitchen to snack while they waited for Mrs. Shindo to finish getting ready.

About ten minutes later, she poked her head into the kitchen and seemed surprised to see so many people there.

"Oh, were you boys waiting for me?" she asked.

"You ready, ma?" Hikaru asked. She nodded. "It's about time. Let's go guys." Isumi took a moment to clean up after them before they each left the house. Hikaru rode with his mother while Waya and Isumi rode with Mitani. Mitani's car was just another luxury afforded to him by his mysterious older "friend." Hikaru thought that the whole situation surrounding Mitani and the mystery man was nothing but trouble, but there was nothing he could do about it, especially since he had never met the man.

Hikaru put all of that behind him as he focused on the night ahead of them. He wasn't looking forward to sitting through a long drawn out ceremony. He was more looking forward to seeing Akira again, especially after having been apart from him for so long.

* * *

Akira was straightening out his tie in front of the bathroom mirror when he heard his mother calling for him. He gave the tie one last, good tug and felt satisfied enough with its appearance that he left it as it was. He went into the living room, sure that that was where his mother had called him from. There, he found his mother and father standing next to Marume Eri, who was elegantly dressed in a silk wrap and an elaborate bun in her hair. She was holding a coat made of dead animal, and heels on her feet. When they saw each other, she smiled gleefully. Akira paused mid-step, glancing around at everyone in confusion. He had known that Marume would pop up at some point, but tonight?

"Akira-san!" Marume gasped, clasping her hands together in excitement. The jovial expression on her face remained, and it caused an uneasy stirring in Akira's stomach. Akira frowned at her for using his first name.

"What exactly is going on here?" he asked.

"Marume's family has accepted your invitation in accompanying her for the evening," Akiko said, smiling genially. Akira's frown deepened.

"I don't understand," he said. "I never…" Behind Marume, out of her sight, Koyo rocked slightly on his heels. His frown was matching Akira's, though his less of confusion and more of anger.

"The night will still be young," Akiko said. "Afterwards…should you decide to catch a late show, or a nice dinner, we would understand." His mother didn't seem to have the same hesitant confidence as Koyo. It seemed as if Koyo was the mastermind and therefore knew that Akira had no part in this, and that Akiko and Marume thought that Akira had arranged it. He didn't have the energy to ask questions.

"We should go or we'll be late," he said, avoiding everyone's eyes. He walked towards the door, Marume following closely behind him. He slipped on his dress shoes and jacket while he waited for his mother and father to join them in the hallway. He left out first and walked to the family car. Knowing the door was unlocked, Akira opened it and prepared to enter the car. Marume suddenly slipped in front of him, smiling at him, her face too close for comfort.

"Thank you," she said, and it sounded as if she giggled it. She slipped into the car ahead of him. Akira felt his face scrunch so much that it began to make his head ache. He slammed the door and walked around to the other side of the car. He got inside, intent on not saying another word unless it was absolutely necessary. Akiko and Koyo were taking their time getting to the car. Marume drummed her fingers on her knees and then looked over to Akira.

"Akira-chan?" Akira's face contorted in anger.

"Understand this," he said through clenched teeth. "This isn't my idea. What I told you on Valentine's Day still stands, Marume. I am not interested in dating nor am I a willing participant in this charade. I have not given you permission to forgo formalities with me and I don't want to hear my name coming out of your mouth ever again, are we clear?" Marume's expression pained.

"But… But… He said you were so happy…" she said. "Why are you so upset? Your mother sounded so excited about this… I mean… I thought you were looking forward to this."

"I am looking forward to this evening's ceremony, yes, but not to _this_," Akira motioned between himself and Marume. "This "arrangement" as it's been put is complete news to me." Marume looked horrified, but she put on a brave face as the door on her side opened. Koyo let Akiko into the car, and then he boarded in the passenger's seat.

Their driver, who Akira had seen way too much of over the past few weeks, entered the driver's seat and started the car. It was just about the most awkward ride Akira had ever taken. He avoided starting conversation, and no one else spoke much. He responded quickly and curtly to anything directed his way, and looked out of the window to distract himself. His father acted as if oblivious to the discomfort he had caused Akira and Marume even as they arrived to the small auditorium where the ceremony would take place.

People were staring at Akira and his family from the moment they left the car, after they checked in their tickets and coats and continuing on as they entered the auditorium. As soon as they passed the bathrooms, Akira excused himself without delay. He rushed to the last stall and locked himself in. Feeling safe there, he pulled out his cell phone from his pants pocket and looked at the screen. He had one message. He opened the phone to read it.

_Hey, Himitsu Ai! ;D I just got here. Where you at? _Akira smiled to himself. Hikaru was there. He was going to be able to see him soon. He thought about leaving to find him, but then he remembered that his parents were bound to see them together if they tried to interact. How he hated their meddling! Akira decided to vent while he had the chance, and he and Hikaru conversed through texts over the next few minutes.

_This arrogant quack! I swear it, this is the end!_

_WTF? *_*! Whaddup, Kira?_

_You won't believe what he's done!_

_What, babe?_

_He's set me up. He has gone ahead and set me up, Hikaru! I'm so fed up I could just erupt right now!_

_Calm down, Kira… Set u up how?_

_With a date! A DATE! I just don't know what to do. This is the worst night of my life!_

_Run away with me then babe._

_I can't just do that. Be patient and we'll be together soon. Just don't get upset when you see this girl on my arm. The absolute nerve of this maniac!_

_Hang in there, Kira-Fi. We'll go out for burgers and take a load off. I wuv u like ice cream._

_What…does that mean?_

_Means I luv u 2 infinity and beyond, babe._

_Would you stop calling me babe? I'm not a pig, you know?_

_Duuuude. I'll go to your table when you guys grab a seat._

_Duuuude? That's even worse_.

_I love you_.

_I love you 2_. Deciding he'd spent enough time in the W.C., Akira left the stall, washed his hands and went to rejoin his family in the hallway. There, he discovered that they had left him. He went into the dining room and looked around. Hikaru and his friends had seated themselves on the opposite side of the room from Akira's family. Akira wondered if he should go greet Hikaru first, as many of the invitees were taking the opportunity to meet with each other. Hikaru said he would go to the Toya table, but it would probably be awkward if he did. Akira made up his mind to visit Hikaru and spare the situation unnecessary commotion.

As he started across the room, he felt someone grab hold of his wrist.

"Hey, Toya-kun, wait up." The voice belonged to Ashiwara. Akira took his hand away as he turned around, feeling the familiar nervous heat that welled in his stomach at every encounter he had had with Ashiwara since the incident. He was convinced he was at fault that Koyo had found out about his day with Hikaru, and Akira never ceased to show him his bitterness whenever they met. "Toya, wait. Your…your dad has been waiting for you. He thinks that we should talk, you and I."

"I don't have anything to say to you," Akira said, and his tone was venomous.

"What is with you?" Ashiwara asked. "This silent treatment, this rudeness. Everyone is worried about what's wrong."

"Why don't you ask my father what's wrong? Don't come to me pretending that you care what happens with me."

"What? Akira…where is this—?" Akira's headache worsened as he felt his eyebrows dip towards the bridge of his nose.

"Don't you call me that like I mean anything to you!" he snapped in a hushed tone. Ashiwara was completely taken aback. Akira was hands on hip with anger. "How long did it take you before you ratted me out? Two minutes, three?"

"What are you talking about?" Ashiwara asked, not understanding.

"Don't give me that," Akira said, still trying to keep his voice hushed. "Don't play who's the fool with me. Who else could have told him about what happened that day, you traitor!"

"It…it wasn't me, Akira, I didn't do it."

"Then who, if not you?"

"It was…it was Kurata-kun… I mean, it just slipped out. You can't be mad at me, I didn't say anything."

"That changes nothing and do you know why? A true friend would help someone when they need them. I still can't believe how hard it was to convince you not to tell father and you were treating me like I had wronged you."

"Toya-sensei asked me first though," Ashiwara said, desperate to defend himself.

"Live with it, then," Akira said. "Rat me out next time and watch me suffer for it, if you desire it so much. But don't come to me and call me by my first name as if we're friends after deserting me and stabbing me in the back and dooming me. You cannot be friends with both me and my father anymore. If you chose him, then this is the end."

"Toya-kun," Ashiwara gulped. Akira turned to leave, but Ashiwara moved in front of him to stop him. "No, wait a minute, Toya. I upheld my end of things. I didn't say anything, just like I said I wouldn't. Your treating me like this is unfair."

"No, it isn't. I'm eliminating the difficulty. You're loyal to him, so you chose to please him after this. I don't care for either of you."

"I don't understand where you're coming from with this."

"I don't care."

"You're being immature."

"Then so be it." Ashiwara sighed heavily and put a hand to his head.

"What am I going to tell him when he asks how things went?" he asked. "I don't want to make you look bad."

"I'm telling you that you're to go over there and tell that man that I was a complete jerk to you. Then maybe you'll see it, what me being true to myself gets me." Ashiwara's eyes showed his concern. He looked down and searched the floor with his eyes.

"What does that mean?" he asked, raising them finally.

"What did it sound like?" Akira asked. "Just go on and do his bidding. I don't care anymore. Now I'm going to see Hikaru now. Make sure you tell him about that, because I'm sure he's still expecting you to report my every move to him, even when we're in the same room."

"I've never known you…to act this way. Toya…?"

"I'm _18_. I'm not a child and I am no one's puppet. I am a human being. You remember that and when you decide to treat me as such, then that is when I will acknowledge you. Until then, you are nothing to me." Akira turned around and bumped into Hikaru. He stared at him with his angry scowl for a moment before he realized who he was looking at.

"What's wrong?" Hikaru asked, looking around him to lay eyes on Ashiwara. Ashiwara's expression was tinged with guilt and hurt. "What happened?"

"Nothing, Hikaru," Akira said, shaking his head. "Don't question it. Where is your mother?"

"She went to your table to see your folks."

"Oh?" Akira wasn't ready to face his parents just yet, but it seemed he didn't really have a choice. "Then I guess we should go back."

"Toya, we aren't finished talking," Ashiwara said. Akira ignored him, as it was clear that Ashiwara wasn't taking his words to heart. Akira had ended their conversation, conditionally, and would continue it once those conditions were met. Ashiwara's trying to tell him that "they weren't finished talking," was a form of control, and Akira wasn't having it. Hikaru looked at Ashiwara, and then at Akira, who began the walk to his parents' table.

Mrs. Shindo was standing while Koyo and Akiko were still seated. Koyo looked displeased with her, and Akiko looked as if she was trying very hard to be polite. Mrs. Shindo was speaking, but stopped once she looked over her shoulder to see who was coming up behind her.

"Hey ma," Hikaru said. "It's nice to see you again Toya-sensei… Toya-san…" Koyo and Akiko both nodded once in unison. Neither said a word.

"Good evening, Akira-chan," Mrs. Shindo said, stepping towards Akira. She gave him a hug.

"Good evening," Akira said, her presence causing him to get both nervous and excited. He managed an unconscious smile. Mrs. Shindo stepped back to get a look at him.

"You look so handsome. Have you said hello to the others?"

"No, I have not yet had the chance. I assume you've met my parents tonight?"

"Yes," Mrs. Shindo said, and she chuckled nervously. "I was hoping to arrange that dinner finally, but it seems…there just isn't a decent time for us. It just wasn't meant to be, I guess."

"Unfortunately," Akira said. "Perhaps some other time. Some time soon." Mrs. Shindo nodded.

"It's just too bad that everyone is so busy," she said. "I mean, our boys are such good friends, but Hikaru has told me that Akira-chan has been so busy that he hasn't had the time to get together."

"It is important that young professionals remember what their priorities are and that they keep their best foot forward," Koyo said, and his tone was suppressed, as if his patience was being tried. "Their careers are only going to proceed if they keep up their seriousness and drive." Mrs. Shindo nodded, but it was clear that she didn't agree completely with him.

"Yes, it is important," she said. "But I also believe that young people should enjoy their free time to some extent, and when it is with fellow professionals, I think that that is right."

"Akira enjoys himself," Koyo said with a finalizing tone. "Now that that has cleared up, I don't believe that there is anything more to say to the matter. I wish to speak with Akira. I hope you understand." Akira's eyes had been fixed on the ground, but Hikaru could see in his demeanor that he was in bad shape. Hikaru patted him on the back.

"Come to the table and see the others later, okay?" he offered in what he hoped was a friendly tone.

"I should only be so lucky," Akira mumbled. Mechanically, he pulled his chair out and sat down. He felt Marume's eyes on him, and he sent her a glare that caused her to flinch and look away. Mrs. Shindo gave him a light hug around his shoulders, said goodbye to the table and left with Hikaru by her side.

"Akira, what was that about?" Akiko asked, sounding upset. Akira didn't say anything.

"Your mother has asked you a question," Koyo grumbled. "Answer."

"What was what about?" Akira asked.

"Just now, with that woman touching you. Why is she acting so familiar with you? I didn't like that. How could she possibly think that that is okay? You aren't even her son. You must tell her that you don't want her to do such things." Akira didn't say anything. Akiko looked between her son and her husband. "Well?"

"You didn't ask me anything," Akira said.

"You are to tell that woman not to touch you, do you understand?"

"I do not."

"So you'll disobey me?"

"I will not." Akiko swallowed hard and looked at Koyo again. Akira raised his eyes to meet his mother's. "Just because I don't understand it doesn't mean that I have the right to not accept it, isn't that the gist of it?"

"What is there to not understand?" Akiko asked.

"I do not oppose to Shindo-san's actions towards me. I do, however, oppose to Marume's actions towards me. But that doesn't matter. When Marume does it, I'm supposed to just deal with it because it is what you want, and so I do not have a choice. But when Shindo-san does, all of a sudden, it's a crime against humanity because you say so, and therefore, I am unable accept it, even if I have no earthly reason not to mind it. Because I don't matter, and because you do. Isn't that right, _mother_?" Akiko's jaw was set tight.

"Of course you _matter_," she said.

"I do not."

"Dear…" Akiko said to her husband, as she was now at a loss. Koyo took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"We will not discuss this here," he said. "It is disgraceful." Akira clasped his hands in his lap, lowered his eyes and tried to lose himself in thoughts of Hikaru. "I assume in the time it took you to get back here that you patched things up with Ashiwara?"  
"Quite thoroughly. You won't have another issue between him and I, at least not one of my doing."

"Did you apologize for your treatment of him?"

"We had a very explanative talk about the cause, and I would like to think that we have reached a viable conclusion."

"He was supposed to return with you."

"I cannot control his actions." The seat creaked under Koyo's weight as he shifted. Silence stretched, and Akira wanted so badly to tell Marume to just leave already.

"I just don't like it," Akiko said suddenly. "I don't like her thinking that she can touch you that way."

"Perhaps if she saw me more often, she wouldn't feel the need to."

"And just what does that mean?" Akiko asked.

"Friends worry when they are suddenly and inexplicably ignored, and in turn, they desire answers. I can't help what either of them do in an effort to assure themselves that we are all still friends." Koyo's stern eyes were fixed on Akira's face. "I honestly can't father," Akira said before Koyo could speak.

"Toya-sensei! Toya-kun!" Kurata Atsushi's excitable, rasped voice rang out behind them. They both rose and greeted him, Akira keeping the cold, distant approach he had used on all of Koyo's students and closest friends. Kurata tried to smooth things over with a joke, and Akira responded with a stifled, forced laugh. The awkwardness of the moment only intensified, but Akira didn't care. If he was uncomfortable, then so too should they be. The nerve of the both of them, trying to run Akira's life. His displeasure was once again displayed on his countenance and he excused himself to the washroom.

He hadn't been in his stall for long before he heard someone enter.

"Hey, Akira?"

"Hikaru?" Akira opened the door and looked towards the entrance. Hikaru was standing there, and he smiled when they spotted each other. "Hey, you," he said, reaching for him. Akira pulled him into the stall and laid an urgent, harsh kiss upon his lips.

"Du…dude…" Hikaru said, breathing heavily.

"Just call me Akira, would you?" Akira gasped back. He wrapped his arms around Hikaru and held him tightly. "I miss this," he said. "I miss you."

"Come out with us later, then."

"Marume won't be so easy to get rid of. She's still got that look in her eye like she's not going to give up even after I told her this wasn't my idea."

"We can drop you off, then drop her off, then swing around and get you again," Hikaru said. Akira eyed him strangely.

"Honestly," he said. "That will never work, Hikaru."

"Yeah, it will, too."

"And what if Marume tells father what time we parted, but I don't get in until hours later?" Hikaru frowned.

"Oh," he said. For some strange reason, he smelled like brownies. Akira cupped his cheeks and kissed him on the lips.

"I would love to sneak out with you, Hikaru," he said. "But I'm saving that for a separate occasion. It will make our lives a lot easier if you gave me some time before we can be together." Hikaru smiled and nodded.

"I can do that," he said. "Because I at least get to see you at work and call you."

"That's right," Akira said. He came forward and kissed Hikaru more deeply. Hikaru wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly. "Just…give me a little more time to make things right."


	12. A Matter of Patience

**Summary**: A continuation to New Year's Eve at the Toya's. Hikaru and Akira begin their relationship, running into both foreseen and unexpected hardships along the way. Will they be able to maintain their love for each other in the wake of adversity?

**Disclaimer**: Hikaru no Go is written by Yumi Hotta and the animated series was created by Studio Pierrot. Please do not construe the writing of this fanfiction as a claim to ownership in any way.

**A New Year, A New Life**

**7 – A Matter of Patience**

After he left Hikaru's side that night, Akira put on a brave face and went along with the charade that his father had weaved for him. When he was left alone with Marume, he explained to her that he liked her as a friend. He was still not interested in dating, but that if she wanted to spend time with him as friends, then that would be fine.

And so, in the weeks that followed, Akira obliged Marume whenever she decided to take him up on the offer and the further along they became in their relationship, the more freedom Koyo began to allow Akira, just as Akira had hoped. And with this new freedom, Akira found it easier to advance his independence. Instead of meeting with Hikaru, he would secretly meet with Isumi when Hikaru was attending some public function so that if Akira's whereabouts were questioned, no one could link him to Hikaru.

Isumi began to teach Akira everything he needed to know about living on his own, and he helped him search for a place to stay. The first few apartments that Akira had seen were so cramped and tiny that he was beginning to lose hope. However, it was April 5th now and with spring came new hope. Akira had two apartment viewings lined up for his morning, and if they went well, he would go to Hikaru's home to celebrate.

* * *

On the morning of April 5th, Hikaru woke up feeling hung-over, though he wasn't a drinker. His head felt swollen to twice its size, he was nauseous and he was sensitive to light. Mitani was sprawled out on the floor next to him and Waya was on the other side of Mitani snoring so loudly that it forced Hikaru to get up and leave the room. He sought refuge in the bathroom where he sat on the toilet and rubbed his head. The taste in his mouth was what was making him so nauseous. He brushed his teeth and took a steaming hot shower to help clear his head.

Afterward, he moved on to the bedroom where he borrowed a pair of Waya's jeans and a t-shirt, making sure to dress quietly as Isumi was asleep in the bed. He debated over what he should do now that he was up. It wasn't like him to rise and shine so early, and he wanted to just relax on the couch, but Waya's snoring wouldn't let him. His next strongest urge was to eat, and the next was to play GO. He returned to the living room, and made off with a banana, a store-bought muffin and a few aspirin.

Thankfully, by the time he arrived at the closest salon, his hunger and headache had subsided. The room was dotted with old men, each with cigarettes and coffee. It was like any other shop in the morning hours, overrun by old folks who woke up before sunrise with nothing else better to do. Hikaru chose a corner away from the patrons and played two games with Sai, who had been quiet for just about the whole morning. Waking up so early, feeling as miserable as he did, and Sai's quietness were all out of the ordinary. It made him feel as if he was up against an odd day, and it was something he wasn't looking forward to.

* * *

The first meeting went just as the others had for Akira. The landlord didn't seem to have much faith in Akira, though he was an ideal candidate. He had a clear credit record, a steady, lucrative job and references with equally great standing. However, he could understand the hesitance because he was very young. He had hope because Waya, who was younger and looked younger at the time that he moved out, hadn't had much trouble finding his first apartment. Keeping his fingers crossed as he boarded the train to go down a few stops to the next neighborhood over, Akira willed it to go well with positive energy.

The building itself was in an ideal neighborhood, one of the safer spots in the prefecture. It was ten stories tall with a brick façade and iron accents, unusual for Japanese apartments. There were window boxes that had probably only just been put back into use, and an artificially green patch of lawn alongside the concrete walkway. Akira was very happy with its appearance. He just hoped that the inside would be just as nice.

The manager on staff met him in the entry hall. She shook his hand with a firm grip, and introduced herself as Helen. She was an older European woman whose Japanese was passable. She had a slight hunch to her back and wore glasses connected to a strap around her neck.

"I'm Toya Akira, and I'm here to see apartment 502…" Akira said slowly. The woman nodded. "I believe I was supposed to meet a Mr. Kostac here."

"Is building owner," Helen said. "I'm the manager. I work in building. I show you apartment."

"All right, thank you," Akira said. Helen was holding an application on a clipboard, and as she led Akira to the elevator, she held it to her chest as if meaning to block him from being able to see it. Akira stood a few inches away from her and kept his eyes averted as they rode up to the 5th floor. The door opened and Akira followed her closely as she walked to the first door on the right. 502. He was glad that it was so close to the elevator.

"Here we go," Helen said. She took out a key ring with just three keys and unlocked the apartment door. She opened it and led Akira inside.

The apartment was more spacious than the others had been, though it was still plenty compact. It was a one bedroom and it was thankfully empty, which hadn't been the case with several apartments in the past. Those had been the worst experiences. It was really hard to imagine himself living in a space so full of someone else's belongings. And odd smells. The front door opened up into the living room, Akira immediately noticing the hardwood flooring and casement windows. Helen walked him further inside and showed him the kitchen.

The walls throughout the apartment were a standard white, but the kitchen was framed off as an alcove within which the walls were a bright, sunny yellow. No doubt Hikaru would like that, as his favorite color was indeed yellow, the brighter the better. Akira liked the setup of the kitchen. It had a full-sized refrigerator instead of a minibar, the tile (which had a bluish hint that matched well with the yellow walls) on the floor matched the tile on the countertops, and the stovetop was electric. The sink was a single, but that was the only setback. So far, the apartment was calling his name.

Helen moved on towards the bathroom and it was there that Akira became hooked. It was pristine white with glistening tile and a fresh coat of paint. The bathtub was long enough to accommodate resting comfortably, and it had a back ledge for all of Akira's products. The sink had a cabinet underneath, a deep bowl and silver hardware that matched the hardware of the tub's faucet. The mirror had two small sconces on either side, and the toilet was clean. Akira noticed that moisture had gathered in his mouth. Ashamed, he hid his face as he swallowed it. He was sold. He didn't have to see anything else. This was the place he wanted to call home.

Helen continued on with the tour, showing him the ample closet space and the bedroom, and then on the first floor of the building, the mailroom, and the laundry room. She led him into the management office where he gushed about how excited he was.

"I just can't believe a place this perfect is available," he told her. She then proceeded to tell him why. It wasn't the best choice for most people because Kostac, the building's owner, demanded that his tenants prepay first and last month's rent, and put up one month's rent as security before the move-in date. Also, it was all due before the start of the month and that they must move in on the first day of the next month instead of being able to move in a few days before. The lease must last for at least one year, but each lease ended on the 31st of December, which meant that Akira would be stuck with the apartment for a year and a half. It was a lot of money to put down, and there was more risk involved than Akira felt comfortable with, but if it meant that he would be free of his father's overbearing hand, then so be it. He filled out the application and paid the fee to hold the apartment while his request was processed.

* * *

When Hikaru left the salon a few hours later, he turned his cell phone back on to check and see if anyone had tried to contact him. Waya had sent him a message calling him a Crum-Bum, Mitani had asked him where he went and Isumi had asked him if he ate his blueberry muffin. Smirking as he reached his car, Hikaru slipped into the driver's seat. Sai appeared in the back seat and didn't say anything as Hikaru continued to read his messages with the car running. Hikaru wasn't sure where he wanted to go next. His growling stomach answered for him before long. He started home in hopes to grab whatever his mother might have whipped up for lunch.

"Hikaru?" Sai asked quietly.

"What?"

"Do you…ever get the feeling that something terrible is about to happen?" Sai asked, his tone paced and serious. Hikaru glanced at him through the rearview mirror.

"What are you going on about now?"

"I just have this…awful feeling. A feeling that something bad will happen soon."

"What, to me?"

"I…I don't know… It's scary, Hikaru. What do you think it means?"

"I dunno, Sai," Hikaru said with a shrug. "I mean, everybody feels that way sometimes. It's best to just let it go. Don't worry about it. Worrying'll probably make it come true."

"I sincerely hope not," Sai said. "It is…scaring me." Hikaru shifted uncomfortably. He didn't want to think about Sai being sad about things. Sai was always so excitable and happy—he didn't need for his ghostly companion to start predicting horrible things. In fact, that was the _last_ thing he needed.

At home, Hikaru scooped up a bowl of meat and vegetable stew and took it up to his bedroom. His mother hated it when he ate in his room, but the quietness of the house told him that he was home alone. He ate while watching an old black and white samurai movie and then, feeling full, warm and bored, he conked out on his bed.

After what seemed like only a few moments later, his phone rang.

_Kimi ga ima boku wo sasaete_… It was Akira's ring tone. Sleepily, he dug into his pants pocket and pulled the phone out. He looked at the screen out of habit and flipped the phone opened. He set it on speakerphone to avoid having to hold it to his ear.

"Hello?" he murmured.

"Hikaru? Hikaru are you there? I have the best news! Can I come to see you? Are you home?"

"Yeah, babe. Come on over. You sure it'll be okay?"

"It doesn't matter. I simply can't hold this in any longer. I will be there in twenty minutes."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you, too. And please wake up so that you'll hear the bell."

"I'm up." Hikaru pressed end on the phone and sat up. He looked over to Sai, who was avoiding his eyes with that same serious expression. "What?" Hikaru asked.

"I can't say…" Sai said, shaking his head. "Please, don't ask."

"Don't be pouting like that when 'Kira gets here. It's distracting. Plus, he said he had good news, so cheer up already." Sai nodded, but it didn't look as though he was going to take Hikaru's words to heart. Hikaru got up and went into the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and changed out of Waya's clothes and into his own: a yellow long sleeved shirt under a gray t-shirt with a FIVE logo and a flared pair of jeans. He took his cell phone and stuffed it into the pocket of the jeans. He changed his socks because the others were well worn and shuffled down to the front door to wait for Akira. He didn't want to miss a second of being able to hang out with him unsupervised.

After a few moments, Hikaru went into the kitchen to grab a handful of cookies from the jar on the counter. As he returned to the door, his phone went off in his pocket. He took it out and maneuvered it open and to his ear while juggling a hold on the cookies.

"Hey, sugar plum."

"I'm coming up now. I'm so excited!" Hikaru chuckled at him as he balanced the phone between his ear and shoulder to unlock the door. Indeed, Akira was huffing up to the door with bright red cheeks and a fist balled in excitement. Hikaru took his phone, closed it and stuffed it in his pocket.

"Hey, hottie," he said as Akira hurried inside. Before Hikaru could close the door, Akira threw his arms around him.

"Oh, you!" he said. "I just can't contain myself!"

"Well, what is it?" Hikaru asked. Akira moved his face in front of Hikaru's and stole a quick kiss. Then he backed away, chuckling uncontrollably.

"I can't tell you," he said. "I can't tell you yet. But I'm so excited that we have to celebrate. I…I want to be with you, Hikaru." Hikaru raised his other hand to hold Akira, unaware that he'd dropped his cookies and that Akira had dropped his cell phone.

"What?" Hikaru asked.

"I want to be with you, Hikaru." Hikaru's arms tentatively hovered about Akira's body. He wanted to…what? Hikaru swallowed hard, thinking about the situation he found himself in suddenly. It wouldn't do to stay there in the entry hall.

"You…wanna go upstairs?" he asked carefully. Smiling brightly, Akira nodded.

"Yes." Hikaru immediately moved him towards the stairs. "Are your parents home?" Hikaru felt a tingle in the back of his neck. It made the hairs there stand on end. He glanced at Akira, still feeling as though he needed to coax himself through whatever was going on.

"No… I'm home alone." Something within Akira's eyes fizzled unfamiliarly. He looked different suddenly, as if in telling him that they were alone, Hikaru had opened some floodgate of emotion within him. Hikaru tugged him up the stairs, vaguely aware of Sai telling him to wait. He wasn't going to wait, not with Akira on his heels wanting to be with him all of a sudden. He couldn't imagine what news Akira was holding in, or why it was making him less uptight.

When they reached the bedroom, Akira snaked his arms around him and brought him in for deep, involved session of passionate kissing. Their bodies intertwined and their tongues danced gently around each other, all the while their feet were moving them towards the bed. Hikaru lowered Akira down to the bed and buried himself between his limbs.

With his tongue, he delved further into the hot, moist cavern of Akira's mouth. With his hands, he fumbled about unbuckling their belts and unzipping their pants. Akira wasn't stopping him this time. And he wasn't going to, either. This was his idea. The very thought of the fact that Akira was ready for him caused an unwavering nervous buzzing within his limbs. How could he make this happen? He had no idea where to start.

* * *

Akira reached down and helped Hikaru in undoing their pants. He turned Hikaru over on his back, and then slipped off his dress jacket. He went to rub his foot along Hikaru's leg when he realized he was still wearing his shoes. He quickly rid himself of them and set to work caressing Hikaru's legs with his foot and his thighs with his hand.

Hikaru's face was enflamed with heat and his lips were swollen and red. The reflection of light in his eyes was swimming. His eyebrows were unsure. Akira leaned down and kissed him gently on the mouth. Hikaru reached up and tugged Akira's shirt from inside of his dress pants.

"Why…are you all dressed up?" he asked.

"I had a few appointments today," Akira said.

"Oh?" Hikaru asked. He allowed Akira to kiss him again. "You look so good…"

"Thank you…"

"Will you tell me now…?" Hikaru murmured. He took in a deep breath with his eyes closed. "Hmmm…" Hikaru's body was tense as Akira continued to feel along his limbs.

"It's a surprise," Akira whispered. "I don't want to ruin it. I just want to have this moment with you. It will make this…all the more real for me. For us."

"Can you at least…tell me what it's about?" Hikaru asked. He opened his eyes to look into Akira's. Akira kissed him again, and trailed pecks along his chin as he spoke.

"It is…a victory for us…and our relationship. Another…step towards freedom…Hikaru."

"For real…?"

"Yes…" Akira didn't want to stall anymore. He didn't want to talk. He wanted to experience Hikaru in a way that he knew that no one else had. With his hand, he cupped his fingers along Hikaru's groin; he was already erect. Hikaru stiffened and shifted towards him, a harsh, stifled moan erupted from his full red lips. Akira watched him closely, drinking in this brand new view of Hikaru. It was his own, personal view of him. He looked so different. He was so beautiful.

"Oh…" he gasped. He closed his eyes as he tightly gripped Akira's arms. Akira continued to touch him experimentally, caressing him at the most sensitive spots on the body, smiling as he realized that he had Hikaru in a trance. His desire to pleasure him and to be pleasured by him grew exponentially. He had to reign in his lust. He wouldn't let them go all the way just yet, but he planned to go as far with Hikaru as not reaching home would allow. He wasn't going to stop until he left Hikaru panting and begging for more from him. He wouldn't stop until Hikaru knew that this was for real, not until he solidified in both of their minds that this was it. They were meant for each other and Akira would never let him go.


	13. Spinning Out of Control

**Summary**: A continuation to New Year's Eve at the Toya's. Hikaru and Akira begin their relationship, running into both foreseen and unexpected hardships along the way. Will they be able to maintain their love for each other in the wake of adversity?

**Disclaimer**: Hikaru no Go is written by Yumi Hotta and the animated series was created by Studio Pierrot. Please do not construe the writing of this fanfiction as a claim to ownership in any way.

**A New Year, A New Life**

**8 – Spinning Out of Control**

Ashiwara Hiroyuki checked his watch as he sat in Toya Koyo's den. Koyo was fuming mad over the absence of his son, who was supposed to have been home over an hour ago. However, at the moment, he had calmed during his game with Ashiwara, possibly due to Ashiwara's assuring Koyo that Akira was probably at a salon somewhere. Indeed, when Akira came through the door that evening, Marume was on his arm and they both smelled of cigarette smoke. Koyo's tension eased and he and Ashiwara continued their game.

When the game and discussions were over, Ashiwara left the den in search of Akira. He was alone in his room at his computer playing a game of internet GO. He looked over to Ashiwara, and his expression was unpleasant.

"What?" he asked. Ashiwara closed the door behind him.

"I stuck up for you today," he said. "I…I did everything I could to make it seem like you weren't doing anything wrong."

"I wasn't," Akira said. "Your efforts were unnecessary."

"But I care about you, Toya-kun," Ashiwara said. "And I want you to know that I do."

"What do you want me to say or do about it?" Akira asked, turning back to the computer. "You're still Koyo's little lackey, and therefore, you and I are enemies."

"I want to be friends with you again."

"It isn't necessary. _You're_ unnecessary."

"What can I do?"

"I already told you," Akira said. "I don't have the patience to explain it to you again, and it is too much to ask of you, anyway. Just don't bother because it doesn't matter. And if you don't mind, I'm busy." Ashiwara was behind him, watching the game unfold on the screen.

"You're playing with Shindo, aren't you?" he asked quietly.

"Are you taking notes with which to report my insubordination to my father, you despicable rat?"

"Akira…"

"Stop it!" Akira turned to him quickly. "I am so sick of you people using my name. Forget you ever knew my name and get out of here!" The noise signaling a message from Akira's opponent sounded and both he and Ashiwara looked at the screen.

_Hey Lover Muffin,_ _ma's calling me for dinner_, _gotta go for now_. _I miss you to pieces! Hang in there, okay? _Quickly, Akira minimized the screen, but not before Ashiwara saw the message.

"So that's what's going on here?" he asked. Fear leapt into Akira's throat, preventing him from speaking. He paused the game and saved it for later, then stood up. He pushed his chair in and turned to Ashiwara slowly.

"Ruin everything, if you feel the need to," he said, his voice wavering. "It won't matter soon, anyway. I won't have anything to fear anymore." He went over to his bed and sat down. Ashiwara moved towards him.

"I want to talk to you about this…"

"There isn't anything to say."

"The hell there isn't, Toya." Akira looked at him with narrowed eyes. "Just hear me out. I mean…this whole thing between you and Shindo… I'm pretty sure that your father doesn't know how familiar you're becoming with him, so I don't know how he would feel about you and that type of relationship. I mean, if you just wanted companionship, I've always been here for you." Akira's anger melted into confusion.

"What?" he asked.

"I know that…with how rocky things have been over these past few months that this is probably the last thing you want to hear, but it's the truth. If you…want someone to spend private time with, why not choose me?" So Hikaru's suspicions about Ashiwara had been true. Akira sighed in defeat, cursing himself for having been so blind.

"Why would I choose you?" he asked, offended.

"Because I'm here for you…and your father respects me."

"I think my father is the devil incarnate, so saying that only hinders your case, Ashiwara. And you are close to him. You should know that he wouldn't allow us to spend private time together."

"It would certainly come easier than it would with Shindo…"

"And why do you say that? What is so wrong with him?"

"Most everything he does is in poor taste," Ashiwara said. "You have to admit that."

"Perhaps I can appreciate that about him," Akira said.

"You're just blinded by his skill," Ashiwara said. Akira took in a sharp breath.

"How dare you say that?" he asked, balling his fists. "What I have for Hikaru is—" Akira stopped himself before he could say something that was absolutely none of Ashiwara's business. "I am not having this conversation with you," he said.

"Well, I'm not leaving until I get to the bottom of this."

"Stop sticking your nose where it doesn't belong," Akira said.

"This _is_ my business. I care about you, Akira. You don't have any idea about how much I've been hurting over this."

"I can't help that."

"But why would you go to _him_?"

"It isn't any of your business, for goodness' sake! You don't know what happened between the two of us. You don't know what bonds we share. You just don't compare."

"I have Toya-sensei's respect. If you want to be with another man, he won't let you be with Shindo."

"He won't let me be with anyone unless he's approved of them, man or woman. And that is downright wrong. Am I such a puppet that I can't even chose my own mate? The both of you can rot in hell. I will decide my lover on my own."

"I won't just let this go."

"Oh, you think I'm just the biggest idiot on this entire island, don't you?" Akira said. "I already know how much unnecessary drama you're going to cause me because I'm not allowing you to pull my strings and blackmail me into being with you instead of following my heart. You're a plum fool to think that father would allow his perfect son to be with a man, even if he is the biggest ass-kisser that Toya Koyo has ever had the pleasure of taking under his wing." Ashiwara scowled at him.

"I don't want to do this…" he said. "But it isn't fair."

"Just go tell him, Ashiwara," Akira said. "And stick around so you can see the devil walk the earth and deal me my punishment. And _then_ come back and tell me that you have a chance with me." Ashiwara turned quickly and left the room. Akira got up and locked the door. He grabbed his cell phone from under the bed and called Hikaru. He didn't pick up. He had probably left his phone in his room when he went down for dinner. Akira didn't want to have to wait to talk to him or to see him. He closed his phone and tucked it under his bed. He unlocked his door and left his room. He walked to the living room but paused in the hall. Ashiwara was saying goodbye to Akiko. Did that mean that he wasn't going to tell? Akira retreated to his room and called Isumi.

"Why do you keep calling my man?" Waya grumbled into the phone. "Don't you know he has better things to do than sit around answering your questions? Like pay attention to me, for one?"

"I'm sorry, Waya-kun, but it's an emergency."

"Shindo broke up with you emergency, or you broke a nail emergency?" Akira thought about it. Losing Hikaru would be worse than death. A broken nail could be easily repaired, and so that wasn't a big deal at all.

"Neither. It's…someplace in between. Is Isumi-san around?"

"Maybe. Depends on how long you're gonna be. We have things to do, ya know?"

"I'll be brisk," Akira said. "Now can I please speak with him?" Waya didn't say anything directly into the phone, but it sounded as if he was talking with Isumi somewhere in the background.

"Toya-kun?" Isumi asked suddenly.

"Isumi-san…?"

"What's wrong?"

"It's…it's Ashiwara. He knows about Hikaru and I. I'm just beside myself. If he tells father… I'm just not ready yet."

"How did he find out?" Isumi asked, slightly panicked.

"He saw something that Hikaru sent me," Akira said. "I'm just not ready yet. I don't know what I'll do."

"Don't worry," Isumi said. "You have us as friends, and we'll be here for you. Just don't overreact and let what will happen happen until the application is accepted." Akira nodded.

"Yes," he said. "It won't be much longer. I…just couldn't believe my luck, but…" Akira sighed. "I don't need a wrench to be thrown in my plans." There was a knock at Akira's door. Akira took in a sharp breath as he turned his eyes towards it. "I have to go," he whispered. "Mother's calling."

"Good luck. And if you ever need anything, just call me," Isumi said. Akira nodded and hung up, so afraid of what his mother wanted that he didn't realize that Isumi couldn't see him. He closed the phone and slid it under his bed before walking over to the door. He opened it slowly and looked out. Akiko was standing on the other side, expectant.

"We need to talk, Akira-kun."

"Just…you and I?" Akira asked, refraining from crossing his fingers. Akiko nodded.

"Will you come with me? I have tea." Akira nodded hesitantly and slipped from his room quietly. He closed the door behind him and followed Akiko into the dining room. They settled at the low table with the same tea service that Akira had used with Hikaru the first morning of the New Year. Akiko had prepared an herbal tea and blueberry scones for their talk. Akira waited impatiently as she served him slowly. Her expression was worn; she looked somehow overwhelmed. Akira wasn't going to go out on any limbs with her that night, as he hadn't since the night of the awards ceremony. He was going to keep his mouth shut unless asked a specific question, and he wouldn't elaborate on his answers unless pressed for more information.

Akiko fiddled with the sleeves of her wool sweater, seemingly searching for where to begin. Neither of them reached for the food. Akira was much too nervous to eat. He had to at least know where the conversation would be based before he could feel at ease enough to eat. Akiko cleared her throat and raised her eyes to her son's, her lips turned down in unsubtle hesitation.

"Akira-chan…?" Akira just stared at her, waiting for more. "Akira…I'm worried about you lately." Silence dragged after that statement for so long, they both fidgeted uncomfortably. "I said I'm worried," Akiko said. Akira didn't know what to say to that. He lowered his eyes for lack of anything better to do. "Don't you even care?" Akiko's voice broke and she put a hand to her mouth.

"Yes…I care…" Akira said, and judging by the hurt in his mother's eyes, she didn't believe his lie. She stared at him as if waiting for him to explain himself. Akira just stared back.

"Well?" she asked. "We can't go on like this. I can't continue to feel as if I don't know you anymore, as if…as if someone has replaced my son." More silence. "_Say_ something."

"I don't know what to say," Akira admitted.

"Why have you been acting so strange? Why have you been talking back to your father and disobeying him? Why have you turned your back on Ashiwara-kun? You two used to be so close."

"I'm growing up," Akira said. "I'm no longer a child to be molded and manipulated. I'm not a stranger, I'm just the 18 year old version of the eight year old that you and father can't seem to let go of."

"I know that teenagers can be rebellious, but what you're doing…it's just completely out of your nature." Akira bit his tongue, refraining from saying what he really wanted to say. "Don't just look at me," Akiko said, becoming irritated. "Talk to me."

"You haven't asked me anything."

"But I'm _talking_ to you, Akira-chan." _You've spent so much time talking _at_ me_,_ it's hard to tell the difference_, was what Akira wanted to say.

"I'm sorry if I'm not responding the way you want me to, but I just don't have anything to say. I'm just as upset and frustrated as you and father are, but at this point, I just don't feel as if my opinion counts for anything."

"You think that we don't care about you, is that it?" Akiko asked.

"I know you both care for me," Akira said. "And I know that…being your only child, you're both only doing what you think is right." Akiko waited for more.

"Go on," she said.

"I can't without saying something you would deem as upsetting, mother."

"Just say it."

"You're both wrong. You are both so unbelievably wrong in what you're doing to me. Even now as I sit here talking to you, I am voiceless and that is wrong."

"We know what is right for you. We know what will provide you a stable future, and being hardheaded and disrespectful isn't going to get you there. You think that acting like that…_Shindo_ is going to get you anywhere? People won't respect and revere you if you act this way. What is hard to understand about that?"

"Perhaps I don't really care what others think of me."

"But…your reputation is everything, Akira-chan."

"That is what you and father think. That is not what I think."

"It's indisputable. You cannot be successful if you do not gain favor with your peers, Akira-chan."

"I understand professionalism," Akira said. "I have been a professional for a few years now. What I don't understand is why the pressures of being pro and being Toya Akira should stand in the way of my happiness."

"What could you possibly be…?" Akiko wasn't grasping what Akira was laying before her. "You've never wanted for anything. Everything you've ever needed, we went out of our way to get for you."

"There are things that you cannot give me, mother. I'm unfulfilled."

"I have never heard anything so ungrateful!" Akiko said. Her face was pinched in anger, her eyes fervent. Akira took in a deep breath. Another migraine was planting its roots. "Apologize."

"But it is the truth, mother."

"We have given you _everything_. We have run ourselves ragged trying to provide for you and promote you so that the world would see how great you are. How can you be so…so…?"

"No one person can give another everything, mother. Parents cannot give their children everything. It's impossible. If they tried, it would be illegal. I am human, the same as you are. I have wants, I have desires. You can't answer that call, mother, and you can't deny that nature places it."

"We gave you Marume," Akiko said, as if giving a strong rebuttal. "You didn't have to lift a finger. She's a perfectly respectable young woman." Akira's mouth hung open, disbelieving.

"She's not property, mother, you didn't _give_ her to me, like she's a gift. Is this all just a game to you, and Marume and Shindo and all the rest of us teens are like pawns for you? You just shift them and move them and manipulate them into fulfilling your own crooked desires?"

"How dare you talk to me that way?" Akiko asked, her brow curved in disbelief

"If there isn't anything wrong with what you're doing, then why are you responding so guiltily?"

"You just… Go to your room."

"What did you want to get out of this, mother?" Akira asked, desperately. "You want me to talk and I tell you that I shouldn't and you order me to, and now you're mad because I did as I was told?"

"You're talking nonsense," Akiko said. "I don't know who put these ideas into your head. What your father and I do to help you is not a game. Your future is at stake."

"My happiness, mother. My _happiness_. Anyone can survive with a menial job if they scrounge enough, and they can be happy without material things. They can be happy just being able to be themselves and being able to make their own mistakes."

"There is no point in making mistakes that we have already helped you to avoid. Why are we moving backwards, Akira-san? Just move on with this, with our help."

"I can't mother."

"We have given you _everything_." Akiko's eyes began to water and her voice cracked again. She tsked and sighed as she put her hand over her mouth, upset at her lack of control over her emotions. "I cannot believe that after everything we've done for you…" Akira lowered his eyes, swallowing hard. There wasn't anything more for either of them to say. He had never seen his mother so distraught. She and Koyo genuinely felt as if they had done nothing wrong. Their talk only solidified in Akira's heart that he had to leave. He couldn't remain there feeling the opposite of what his parents felt. He prayed with all of his soul that the application would go through. He just had to hold out for another two weeks and he was free.


	14. From Bad to Worse

**Summary**: A continuation to New Year's Eve at the Toya's. Hikaru and Akira begin their relationship, running into both foreseen and unexpected hardships along the way. Will they be able to maintain their love for each other in the wake of adversity?

**Disclaimer**: Hikaru no Go is written by Yumi Hotta and the animated series was created by Studio Pierrot. Please do not construe the writing of this fanfiction as a claim to ownership in any way.

**A New Year, A New Life**

**9 – From Bad to Worse**

Mitani dipped another French fry into the pile of ketchup, salt and pepper on the greasy paper wrapping of his chicken sandwich. Hikaru sat across from him watching him eat, both of them waiting for Waya to return from his bathroom break. Mitani was the slowest eater Hikaru knew. Waya was already done with his food and Hikaru was nursing a second cheeseburger.

"Aren't those things cold by now?" he asked. Mitani shrugged.

"Kinda," he said. "What's it to you?"

"Nuthin', I guess." Mitani sat down the fry he was in the middle of and rubbed his fingers together to get rid of the salt stuck to his skin.

"So tell me," he said, shifting along the booth seat to get more comfortable. "How do you survive day to day without getting laid?" Hikaru refrained from rolling his eyes.

"I don't think that's any of your business," he said. Mitani's jaw dropped in feigned surprise.

"So he _still_ hasn't put out?" Hikaru looked away. "Well, it's not like it's some big secret. We'll know when he does because then you'll both be all clingy and annoying like the kid and Isumi, even despite Toya being in the closet."

"We're not talking about this…" Mitani shifted towards Hikaru and their knees touched. Hikaru moved his leg away.

"How long you gonna to wait for him?" Mitani asked. "I get so pissed off when I see you with all that pent up energy. I can fix that for you." Mitani pressed their legs together near the calves. It was obvious that he didn't miss the tremor of Hikaru's muscles against his own. "I know it's hard, Shindo…" Mitani said. "But I can help you."

"Stop," Hikaru said, becoming upset. "I don't want anybody to ever think anything's going on with me and you. It don't matter how long I have to wait. I'll wait forever if I have to."

"That's the thing," Mitani said, inching closer. "You don't have to wait forever. I mean…what's the harm in petting, or whatever?"

"Oh, let me guess, it's cheating." Mitani rolled his eyes and it pissed Hikaru off.

"It is not."

"And what the hell would you know about it?" Hikaru demanded. He got up from the table quickly, grabbing his jacket. "Do you want this to be the last straw, Mitani? Do you want this to break up our friendship?"

"You don't have to get all up in arms, for fuck's sake," Mitani said, lip curling in displeasure. "Sit down already."

"Don't tell me what to do. I don't need this."

"Need _what?"_

"You being a serpent trying to get me in trouble, that's what."

"Hey, all I'm saying is that taking a bite out of the apple has its benefits. I mean, the kid and I are still close and Isumi don't get jealous. Don't freak out like _this_." Mitani motioned towards Hikaru, referring to his anger.

"He won't stand for this," Hikaru said. "I'm faithful and that's that." Hikaru turned to go, but Mitani got up quickly to stop him.

"Well, don't just leave," he said. "You didn't even finish your burger."

"I'm mad at you, in case you haven't noticed," Hikaru said. "If you can't deal with the fact that you'll never have me, then you need to find another friend, Mitani, and I mean that." Mitani scoffed.

"And I thought _I_ was a drama queen."

"Whatever, dude. You're such a fuckin' prick." Hikaru shook his head and walked towards the entrance. He whipped out his phone and sent Akira a text: _Missing you more each day_, _Fi_.

A few moments later, Akira responded: _I love you_. _Can't wait for our dinner on Sunday_.

_Me neither_. _I wanna c u_.

_Be patient_. _We will see each other soon_.

_Pix me_.

_I can't at the moment_._ Dad is here_.

_You're naughty_! 8D

_Yes_, _I know_. :3 _I just know it won't be that much longer and I'm being more daring than ever_. _All for you_, _Hikaru_. _I love you_.

_I luv you 2_, _Fi_. Akira didn't send him anything after that. Hikaru was frustrated. He didn't want to have to wait until Thursday to see Akira at work. His hormones had turned him into an over-productive wreck ever since Akira had touched him, and everyday he spent without him only drove him crazier.

* * *

Akira was faring better with a multitude of appointments, lectures, meetings, dinners and everything else in between to distract him from his longing to be alone with Hikaru. His father had set to work creating a schedule for him again, and Akira followed it without complaint. Meanwhile, he had received word from Kostac that everything had gone through as planned and that he could come in for the walkthrough and the signing of the lease. Ecstatic, Akira snuck that meeting in between his father's items on the schedule and signed with Isumi as his cosigner.

That Sunday, May 3rd, he would meet with Hikaru for dinner and another night together, but this time in their brand new apartment. Akira would spend the 1st and the 2nd settling in and once he had the necessities all set, he would then reveal the place to Hikaru after their romantic dinner. All he had to do in the meantime was not make any waves. Since it had been some time between his encounter with Ashiwara in his room, he assumed that Ashiwara wasn't going to say anything to Koyo about Akira and Hikaru. Even if he did, Akira rationalized that he would only have to deal with his father's reaction for another week before he was finally independent.

* * *

Ashiwara was standing outside of the NacDo Hamburger waiting for Shindo to leave. He had expected him to be with his friends, but he left alone. Ashiwara followed him as he went back to his car. He got into his own car and tailed Hikaru as he drove away. Before long, Ashiwara realized that he was driving to Akira's house. Shindo was able to find a park not too far away from the one story home, but Ashiwara had to park on the next block down, keeping an eye on Shindo's car just incase he got out or decided to drive off.

Ashiwara sat for forty-five minutes waiting for any activity, but none came. He was due to arrive at the house for a game with Toya Koyo in another half hour, which meant that he couldn't follow Shindo if he took off. Ashiwara didn't want to be early, but he was already there and was antsy from the long wait.

Ten minutes later, Shindo got out of the car and walked over to the Toya house. Ashiwara followed suit and hurried down to cross over to the next block to see what Hikaru was doing. He was standing at the front door; it was unclear whether or not he had done anything like knock or ring the bell yet. Suddenly, Hikaru looked around himself, and Ashiwara hid behind the car he was standing near. He rose to peer through the windows, pinching his eyebrows as Hikaru knocked on the door.

Akiko answered, and seemed shocked to see that it was him. They exchanged words briefly, and then Akiko started to close the door. Hikaru put his hand up to stop her and she paused. From the way Shindo was holding out his hand, it looked as if he was trying to reason with her. From his angle, Ashiwara could no longer see Akiko. He looked down at his watch. Fifteen or so minutes early wouldn't hurt. After Akiko closed the door on Shindo, Ashiwara started walking over, trying to hide his smirk.

When he approached, Shindo turned around quickly. His expression was of hurt and confusion, but when he saw Ashiwara, his lips curled into a scowl. Ashiwara felt his smirk grow. He wasn't intimidated by Shindo in the least, especially not with Toya Koyo on his side. He stopped and folded his arms.

"What are you doing here? I thought the Toyas made it clear that you aren't welcome here."

"I don't have to answer to a pissant like you," Hikaru said, pushing passed him.

"Just give it up," Ashiwara said. He scoffed. "You've lost in this. They aren't going to accept you, so just get over it and move on."

"What the fuck do you know?" Hikaru asked over his shoulder after stopping at the sidewalk.

"I know enough," Ashiwara said. "And I know that you have no chance in being with him."

"It ain't up to you."

"Oh, but it is," Ashiwara said. "Because I know what's going on, and I could put a stop to it faster than you can imagine." Hikaru turned around slowly, his face pinched in anger.

"Do it and you're dead," he said, fist balled. Ashiwara laughed at him, purposely making the action as obnoxious as he could manage.

"I am not afraid of you," he said. "You don't deserve this, so just stick to your own league. Shack up with that kid that's always drooling over you, for all we care. It's all your kind knows how to do anyway, isn't it?"

"And just what the hell is that supposed to mean?" Hikaru asked.

"Exactly what it sounds like. Akira is a pure and innocent pawn in your twisted attempt at dragging him into your seedy lifestyle. Well, we're not just going to stand by and let you corrupt him. We'll do whatever it takes to make sure that he stays on the straight and narrow; that you never taint him with your filth." Hikaru wasn't understanding him.

"What filth?" he asked. "What do you mean "corrupt" him? I'm not trying to do anything like that."

"Just stalking him is proof," Ashiwara said. "These past five years, you haven't even given him any room to breathe, I mean, being a rival is one thing, but it's obvious that you had ulterior motives."

"No, you idiot, you've got it completely backwards. Ya see, this is what happens when pompous asses stick their noses where they don't belong."

"So you haven't been following Akira around with the intentions of bedding him like he's some kind of animal?" Ashiwara asked, beginning to lose his composure. He hated being insulted only second to being made out a fool.

"No, you jackass," Hikaru said, stepping closer. "If you'd've been paying even the slightest bit of attention, you'd've noticed that it was him that was always popping up in front of _me_ and always checking up on _my_ kifu and schedule so that he would run into _me_ and challenge _me_. When I found out how I felt about him, I avoided him and he contacted _me_. And how would you know any of this, anyway? Did you miss that part while _you_ were stalking Akira, or what? Don't go around calling the kettle black like I can't spit it back in your face, creep!"

"Hikaru, what on earth is going on here?"

Akira's startled voice was nearly directly behind Hikaru. Both Hikaru and Ashiwara regarded him warily, unsure of when he'd snuck up on them. He was standing tensely, holding a clothe shopping bag, looking fearful of what might have been going on.

"Why are you here, Shindo?" he asked, shaking his head slightly. "You're complicating things this way."

"You weren't answering the phone," Hikaru said. "I was worried."

"I just stepped out for a moment," Akira said, raising the bag. He looked over at Ashiwara. "What is going on?"

"Nothing," Ashiwara said, as he walked passed Hikaru. "Let's just go, Akira." Hikaru had already upset Akira, so he wasn't going to make a scene about Ashiwara's using his first name. However, something flickered in Akira's eyes just like it had in the tournament where Hikaru tested his strength against Akira during their match as third chairs. It spoke of a fine string being stressed to the breaking point and snapping so harshly that the nearly inaudible sound it would naturally make reverberated loudly and uncontrollably.

"You—!" Akira shouted. "I told you to stop! I am not your puppet, Ashiwara and I mean it! Stop trying to control me! I won't have it." Akira gave him a hard shove and Ashiwara stumbled back, stunned. "You stand out here and you disrespect Shindo as if you deserve me more than he does. Well, I have news for you, you're mistaken! I decide my fate for myself! Just go _away_!" The front door opened and Akiko looked out.

"What is…? Akira-san, Ashiwara-san? Are you bickering out here on the street? That is no way to behave, what is going on?"

"I have something important to tell you and Toya-sensei," Ashiwara said. Akira grabbed Ashiwara's wrist and turned him towards him with so much force, it caused Ashiwara to stumble.

"You wouldn't dare!" Akira growled. "You'll ruin my life!"

"I'm protecting you," Ashiwara said, whipping his hand away. "I'm protecting you from ruining your own life." Ashiwara entered the house with Akira, Akiko and Hikaru in tow, Hikaru taking the opportunity to sneak in while Akiko was distracted. Ashiwara went directly into Koyo's den where he was having tea with Ogata Seiji. Both of the older men looked up quickly, startled. Ashiwara sank to his knees and bowed to Koyo.

"I'm sorry for interrupting, but I have something important to tell you, Toya-sensei." Koyo's eyes were trailing across the occupants of the room, and they steeled coldly when they rested on Hikaru's. He rose from his perch on the floor, as did Ogata.

"What is going on?" he asked.

"Ashiwara, get up," Ogata said, irritated. He tucked a hand under Ashiwara's arm and pulled him up from the floor.

"Toya-sensei, I have something to tell you," Ashiwara said. Koyo looked at Akira. "Your worst fears… They've come true… Akira-kun is— Akira and Shindou are—" Koyo's body went rigid and the air seemed to grow so thick that it was hard to breathe. Hikaru's heart was thumping heavily against his chest as he regarded Koyo's expression, one of hatred, disgust and anger. One of pure indignation.

"Akira," he husked out. "Akira, is this true?"

"Father…" Akira cried. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and he choked on his breath as he breathed in deep. Hikaru wanted so badly to help him. He didn't know what was going to happen to either of them now. He never should have gone there. Why did he have to go there?

"It isn't! We aren't!" Hikaru screeched. "It's not true."

"I'm not talking to you!" Koyo boomed. Hikaru's voice hitched and he looked over to Akira. He had to save him. He couldn't let him and his family be destroyed because of this scene, because of what was Hikaru's own fault.

"Say something. Tell them the truth. Tell them about how you rejected me, Toya. Tell them about you and Marume." Akira looked over to Hikaru, his eyes sad and his cheeks bright red. He shook his head very slowly.

"I won't say those things…" he said. He was defeated and tired. His shoulders hung low and his tears flowed without being cleared away. "I won't lie anymore…"

"Akira…" Hikaru gulped.

"Everyone out," Koyo said through clenched teeth. No one moved right away, but the room soon cleared after Koyo shot a glare at everyone still in his presence. Akira was the only person who had stayed in place. He and Koyo were staring at each other, Koyo glaring strong and Akira just as defeated in nature as before. Koyo's breathing sped up, his nostrils flaring. "I said _get out_!" he shouted, pointing at the door. Akira still didn't move. Afraid for him, Hikaru came forward and grabbed him by the elbow. He tugged him from the room and out into the living room.

"Akira, why did you do that?" he asked. Akira's eyes were cast downwards and he didn't speak. Tears and mucus were still going on full strength. Hikaru went to take him to the bathroom when Toya Akiko pushed him away with her body.

"Leave," she said. "You've caused enough trouble for this family. Just…just look at what you've done! Akira…Akira was never like this before you. Just leave. Don't ever come here again."

"I'm sorry," Hikaru said, panicking. His stomach ached and it was hard to breathe. Nothing was making any sense. "I don't know why you guys are acting like this, it's not even a big deal. Who cares, it doesn't change anything. Akira…?" Akira was still in his trance. "Akira, look at me. You can come stay with me."

"No!" Akiko shrieked. "You pervert!" Hikaru felt an sharp pain in his chest, as though he'd been stabbed. He gaped at Akiko, disbelieving. How could she call him something like that? How could she be so heartless? Akiko pulled Akira into her arms. "You stay away from him. Leave or I'm calling the police."

"That isn't necessary," Ogata said, expression taut with seriousness. "For goodness' sake. Ashiwara, Shindo and I will leave," he said. "We will let the Toyas handle their own family issues amongst themselves, and that is that." Hikaru was still hesitant to leave, but Ogata ushered both him and Ashiwara out when he saw that neither of them were moving. Hikaru stopped walking once they were out on the sidewalk.

It was such an awkward situation that he wasn't sure what to do. Ogata pulled out a cigarette, lit it and took a good long drag. His body seemed to be vibrating with repressed energy. He looked over to Ashiwara, who looked remorseful, to Hikaru's disbelief. Ogata rolled his jaw and gave a quarter turn of his body towards Ashiwara.

"You need to learn to leave your pettiness at home," he said icily. "You had no right doing what you did tonight and I hope you've learned your lesson. And you, Shindo." Hikaru perked and looked at him. "Give the situation some time to settle down before you try and approach Akira-kun again. It wouldn't be healthy for either of you at this point to try and act rashly."

"Are you saying you approve of this?" Ashiwara said, thrusting his hand out towards Hikaru.

"What the hell did I just get through telling you about being petty?" Ogata asked. "Stop making this out to be about you. No one's concerned about what _you're_ going through right now, so just shut your mouth unless you're ready to issue an apology."

"An apology?" Ashiwara asked, shocked. "Are you serious? I did exactly what Toya-sensei asked of me, which is more than you can say."

"I'm not a performing monkey on a peddler's box," Ogata said. "I don't go where people tell me to. You've got a thing or two to learn about what it means to be a man."

"Ogata," Ashiwara gasped, insulted. Ogata looked at Hikaru.

"Remember what I said. When the time is right, he'll let you know. Good night." Hikaru nodded, his face so pinched up he was unable to speak. His cell phone went off and Ogata took that time to excuse himself. It was Isumi calling. Hikaru answered as he started towards his car.

"What?" he snapped.

"Shindo…? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. What do you want?" Isumi paused for a moment.

"I'll call back later." And he hung up. Hikaru went to his car, got into the driver's seat, slumped over the wheel and started to sob. He felt Sai's presence, usually a jovial beacon of light, was now a dark and gloomy weight that sent Hikaru's mood plummeting even further.

"Hikaru…?" he said, his voice faint. "I think…that energy I've feeling might have been about this… I'm worried for Toya. Isn't there anything we can do?" Hikaru shook his head and started the car.

"No," he said. "It's probably over now. He probably… He'll probably never be able to do anything with me. It's so unfair." Hikaru pulled out of the park and started driving home. When he arrived, he startled his mother by burrowing himself into her bosom and crying ceaselessly while she tried to comfort him, to no avail.


	15. Building and Shaping

**Summary**: A continuation to New Year's Eve at the Toya's. Hikaru and Akira begin their relationship, running into both foreseen and unexpected hardships along the way. Will they be able to maintain their love for each other in the wake of adversity?

**Disclaimer**: Hikaru no Go is written by Yumi Hotta and the animated series was created by Studio Pierrot. Please do not construe the writing of this fanfiction as a claim to ownership in any way.

**A New Year, A New Life**

**10 – Building and Shaping**

Beyond Akira's understanding, Koyo had not given him any type of punishment beyond the silent treatment. Akira was allowed to come and go as he pleased. His father didn't say a word when he noticed that Akira's schedule wasn't being followed due to Akira holing himself up in his room. Takami hadn't been hanging around as much either. Akira was somewhat afraid to leave the house and interact with people, fearing that everyone knew about him and Hikaru now, and that no one would ever look at him the same way again.

However, when Friday came, Akira willed himself up and out of the house bright and early in order to stock up on necessities for his new apartment. He had received his keys, and just that simple reminder of his "ownership" pleased and spirited him. He immediately walked to the nearest grocery store to buy heaps of items that he would need before he hailed a cab to the apartment. Using the keys for the first time, he let himself in and looked around the dark living room. It smelled of fresh paint and staleness. He reached over and turned on the light. Then he went over to the casement window and cranked the knob to open it. The crisp spring air leaked quickly into the apartment, invigorating him as he moved about the apartment to stock it.

This was just what he wanted. A place to call his own. A place to experience love and happiness through being with Hikaru and through achieving independence. The kitchen and bathroom were taken care of, but Akira still needed to do the bedroom. He ventured out again in order to gather his clothes, and the new set of bedding that he had purchased in February for this very reason. He came and went from his parents' home without being noticed. Akiko was in her garden and Koyo was in his den. Akira went back to the apartment and set up the mat and cushions on the floor and placed the clothes he'd brought with him in the closet. Then he went into the kitchen and prepared a snack, his first ever meal in his very own apartment.

He felt so accomplished and grown up. It was all his, all paid for by his own savings and all done without his parent's help. Hikaru had not contacted him by phone since that night, and they last saw each other at work the previous day, but they hadn't spoken to one another. Akira himself was hesitant to use the phone, though he didn't know why. He braved it today, however, as he knelt in the center of his bare living room, the furniture for which Akira couldn't afford just yet because of how much money he had to put down just to land the apartment. He had money saved that he didn't want to touch unless there was an emergency, and he figured that he and Hikaru could get by okay without a couch and tv for a while.

Hikaru picked up on the first ring.

"Akira?" he gasped. "Oh, God, Akira?" He sounded like a nervous wreck.

"Hikaru, how are you?" Akira asked.

"Akira, can we still be together?" Hikaru asked. Akira smiled despite how desperate and scared Hikaru sounded. It was because he had good news, and Hikaru would soon be cheered.

"Of course, Hikaru," Akira said and his smile grew when he heard Hikaru's girlish laugh of relief.

"For real?" he asked.

"Yes. We are still on for our meeting on Sunday."

"Oh, 'Kira…" Hikaru breathed. "I was so scared. I was so scared that you would—"

"Nothing's going to stand in our way, Hikaru," Akira said. "I have the single most glorious surprise for you, so please be patient, and I will see you on Sunday."

"What…what are you doing now? Can I see you now?" Akira pondered whether or not he should just invite Hikaru over now, and decided against it. The reservation was set for Sunday at six-thirty and Akira had a few deliveries coming the next day, including one for their kotatsu, a gift from Isumi and Waya, and Akira wanted it to be there before Hikaru came over. However…

"I could…possibly come to see you…" Akira said. "Are you at home?"

"Yeah, but my folks'll be here all night."

"Perfect."

"Perfect?" Hikaru asked. "What's perfect about that?"

"Oh, never you mind, Hikaru," Akira said. "We can play GO. I can't wait to play GO with you again."

"Okay. You at home?" Akira was about to say no, but that would be a lie. He smiled to himself again. Yes, he was at home. His very own home.

"Are you thinking of picking me up?" Akira asked in order to avoid giving details.

"Yeah."

"You can pick me up at the train station."

"Your place is closer. I'll meet you like a block down or something."

"No, I'm practically at the train now," Akira said. "Just collect me there."

"Oh, okay, Sticky Buns. See ya in a few." Akira nodded.

"Okay. I love you."

* * *

"Love ya, too."

Hikaru got up from his bed and slipped on his jacket before going downstairs to the front door. His mother was walking across the foyer as he reached the foot of the stairs.

"Oh, Hikaru," she said. "You just got a phone call from someone at the Institute. They need you to go in right away to clear up some paperwork you filled out."

"What? Right now?" Hikaru asked. He thought it over, wondering if he should ignore it, pretending that he'd never ran into his mother and that she never let him know. What would be the big deal about some paperwork, anyway?

"Yes, now," Mrs. Shindo said. "It's about your work logins or something along those lines. Some of your days were entered incorrectly."

"That means I might not get paid?" Hikaru asked.

"Well, if you didn't properly report your time, then yes," Mrs. Shindo said. Hikaru snapped his finger. He had had a problem like this before and it had taken some time to fix. He had games he needed to play that night, as well as a pretty full schedule the next day. He hated it, but that meant the meeting with Akira would really have to wait until Sunday night. He called Akira with the bad news.

"Well, that's all right," Akira told him. "The distance will do us good now that we have our dinner to look forward to. Remember to dress nice, Hikaru. It's a really nice place."

"And then I'll get to hear my secret, right?"

"That's right."

"Okay," Hikaru said. "I won't mope about it anymore."

"Good choice," Akira said. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Text me if you get bored. I'm still free for the next few hours."

"Oh…you have games, too, tonight?"

"Yes. Where will you be?"

"A few blocks from the Institute."

"Oh, that's too bad. I'll be nearly forty minutes away…" Akira sighed. "Well, all right. You go get that situation cleared up."

" 'k. See ya Sunday."

"Yes," Akira breathed, excited just from the mention of it. He braved his games that night, and another night spent in his parent's home. The next day, he went to the Institute for his scheduled game and won in due time. He hurried over to his apartment and waited for the deliveries. The first that came included the curtains, rugs and shelves that Akira found for a bargain online with free delivery. He fitted the curtains to his windows and was assembling one of the two bookshelves when the kotatsu arrived. He worked around the men who came along to assemble it for him, and when they were done, he tipped them generously before they could leave. He made himself a pot of tea and took a break from building the shelves to listen to the small radio/alarm clock that had come with the bulk order from the home goods store.

With all the money he'd spent, he was getting a little anxious about whether or not he would be able to afford the place for the duration of the lease, but he assured himself that he had done the math right. He also convinced himself that Hikaru would help him because he also had money saved because he was living at home with his parents and his car payments weren't as expensive as Akira had originally thought that they were. After assembling the furniture and placing them as he saw fit, Akira left the apartment and went to a salon to play a game before heading home.

It would be the last night he spent with his mother and father in their home and it was spent in awkward silence and with dinner eaten in separate rooms. As Akira settled into bed that night, he brought with him a family album and he thumbed through it in the light from his lamp. It was an album spanning his life from his five year old self to his ten year old self. He and Koyo had been just about inseparable during that time, and the pictures showed it. Akiko was almost always behind the camera snapping shots of her son and husband during their travels and their games. Akira didn't remember what age he had been when his mother stopped photographing him and Koyo, but he thought that maybe it was around the time that she'd won her first award for her garden when Akira was twelve.

It was about that time when Akira's focus shifted from his father's world towards his mother's, for he found her work fascinating and new. Koyo disapproved of Akira's interest, fearing it would distract him too much from GO. Neither of them had to worry for long, because it was not long after that that Akira met Hikaru, and his world was once again shifted to his "lifelong" passion. Akira closed the book and laid it on the floor under his bed before turning out the light. He laid down with his head on his pillow, wondering what his parents might have been thinking about him at that very moment.

* * *

In the dimness of his private space, he pressed send, lifted a prepaid cell phone to his ear and waited for the call to be received. Two rings later, a garbled voice answered.

"I was beginning to think that you'd changed your mind…"

"No. I have not."

"So, it'll go on as planned. I trust you've gathered the fee?" He hesitated.

"Yes," he said with a sigh.

"Well, don't feel bad. It should affect you some. You're only human," the voice mocked. He shifted uncomfortably, adjusting the left sleeve of his thick, wool kimono.

"Just don't overdo it," he said. "I don't want trouble over this."

"It'll be fine. Just deliver the fee, and we'll be all set."

"Fine," he said. "It's a deal."


	16. Human Nature

**Summary**: A continuation to New Year's Eve at the Toya's. Hikaru and Akira begin their relationship, running into both foreseen and unexpected hardships along the way. Will they be able to maintain their love for each other in the wake of adversity?

**Disclaimer**: Hikaru no Go is written by Yumi Hotta and the animated series was created by Studio Pierrot. Please do not construe the writing of this fanfiction as a claim to ownership in any way.

Warning: This chapter contains brutal violence and explicit language. Read at your own personal discretion. A short summary is available at the start of the next chapter.

**A New Year, A New Life**

**11 – Human Nature**

Akira had never known a day to pass by so slowly, but it was now early evening and he was just about to prepare for his date with Hikaru at Chez Martine, a fancy French restaurant that he had tried with Ogata and Toya Koyo once back when Ogata had reached 10dan. The food was exquisite and the portions were good for the prices, which meant that Hikaru would be able to fill up and be satisfied. Akira loathed that he would be taking the train to be able to meet Hikaru there, but this was a secret excursion. He couldn't use the family car, and he certainly wasn't going to ruin the suspense by getting a ride from Hikaru.

To avoid suspicion, Akira packed the last of his clothes and left the house at a time when Akiko was busy in the kitchen and when Koyo was out on business. He walked to the train and took it to his apartment, marking the first time he would enter the apartment with no intentions of returning to his family's home.

How he wished he could have said goodbye to Akiko in someway. She was only a few walls away from him as he packed. He wished she could send him off properly and proudly. He wished that at some point, he could invite them to see what he had accomplished on his own as a young adult, but it would probably never happen. There were wounds that were still fresh and seething and Akira had an awful habit of holding grudges. To compensate for his inability to reach out to his parents, he took the photo album that he had looked at the previous night. It was the first item to rest on one of the bookshelves in the living room.

At his apartment, he had showered and changed into navy blue dress pants, a white blouse and an argyle print vest. He dried and combed his hair and gave his hands and face a healthy dose of moisturizer. He went into the living room and looked inside his suitcase for his dress shoes. He slipped them on at the door, making sure he had his phone, wallet and keys before leaving the house at eight.

Chez Martine was located in a suburb about a half hour away by train, give or take. Just to be sure that he would be there early, Akira took no chances in terms of time. He hustled towards the train station in the fine, gray mist of a gloomy spring night. There weren't very many people out and about at that time, but Akira wasn't concerned about the weather or the number of people around him. All he could think about was his special dinner. The anticipation was making him antsy, and he could barely hide his excitement. As he approached the alley he had to pass in order to reach the train, someone walked out in front of him and they ran into each other. Akira stumbled back, but soon caught his balance.

"Oh, excuse me," he said. "I'm sorry." He looked over to see who he had run into, but the man had a black hood pulled down over his face.

"Sorry?" he mumbled from beneath the hood. "Fuck that." Startled, Akira started to inch around him, intent on moving towards the well-lit area of the train station's entrance.

"I'm very sorry," he said. He was about to take off in a sprint when he noticed two other men coming towards him from the direction of the station. They were also wearing hoodies that concealed their faces. Akira felt his bottom lip tremble as he started to run towards the street, but there was a man behind him that grabbed him and they each worked to pull him into the alley.

The man behind him had clamped his large, calloused hand over Akira's mouth, but Akira still made noises of struggle as loud as he could in his throat. His heart was thumping against his chest and his neck felt taut with the pressure of blood coursing through his veins. He tried to fight against them, but it was hopeless. Suddenly, he was released and thrown to the ground. Quickly, he pulled out his wallet and held it out to the men.

"Here, please," he cried. "I have money, please take it." The four men were standing above him, and the one that he had bumped into started to chuckle.

"Please take it," he mocked in a feminine voice. He reached behind him and pulled out a pistol. He aimed it at Akira, who began to shake so hard that he dropped his wallet. "Why don't you take this, you fuckin freak?"

"Oh…God…" Akira cried, his eyes filling with tears. "Oh, God, please… Please don't hurt me. I'll give you whatever you want, just please." One of the man moved towards a dumper and pulled out a baseball bat from underneath it. He made like he would strike Akira with it, and Akira shrieked and put his hands up to protect himself. The armed man laughed at him as though it was funny, as if Akira's fear and helplessness was comparable to a comedian's act. Akira pulled his hands to his mouth as he realized that he was not dealing with human beings; that he was dealing with heartless creatures that could not access emotion and feeling. He realized that he was at their mercy and that he was about to die.

He pulled himself up to his feet, his eyes blurred from tears.

"What can I do?" he pleaded. "What can I do to make you spare me?"

"Did I say you could talk, you nasty son of a bitch?" the man with the bat said. He swung back and then towards Akira, who tried to evade the swing. It caught him in the side, knocking the wind out of him and causing so much pain that he sunk to his knees. He gripped himself, bending over and wincing at how much it hurt to move. "Disgusting bitch," the man said and he spat at Akira. Akira tried to shield himself from it, and the man scoffed.

"Get him," he said. The two unarmed men rushed at Akira and one held his arms back as the other started to brutally attack him with his fists and his feet. With each strike, Akira felt the strength in him wane and more blood would seep into his mouth.

"Stop!" Akira wailed, unable to withstand anymore pain. "Somebody help me, please!" The man with the bat growled and swung the bat fiercely into Akira's left kneecap. Akira nearly bit off his tongue as he bit back his cry; he lost his ability to hold himself and sunk towards the ground. The man with the gun came over to them.

"Oh, does the little queer boy want us to stop?" he asked. "What, you don't wanna suck me off? Is that it?" Akira felt the contents of his stomach resurfacing. Fear was seeping out of his pores in droves. Who were these men and why had they targeted him? How did they even know anything about him? He had thought that that was such a nice neighborhood. Why was everything all wrong?

"Bet he'd suck me off," one of the unarmed men said and he thrust his crotch towards Akira's face. Akira moved away from him, so disgusted by their vulgarity that he retched.

"What, you don't want dick?" the man with the gun said. "Well, suck on this, you fuckin' freak." He grabbed Akira by the hair, yanked his head back and forced the gun into his mouth, metal scraping painfully against his teeth. His stunted breathing, rapid pulse and weak stomach all caused him to retch compulsively, but nothing was coming up from his stomach. He choked and coughed, and the man with the gun forced the barrel in further and cocked his weapon. Akira's body froze and he suddenly had the violent urge to urinate. He _wouldn't_. He would rather bite off his own tongue than urinate on himself in front of these men. He would rather take his own life than let these men have the satisfaction of actually killing their prey. "What you don't want that?" the man asked. He pulled the gun from Akira's mouth and one of the other men punched him in the back of the head. He fell forward and hit his jaw on the putrid concrete of the alley and the awful smell was what finally caused him to vomit. The man with the gun backed away from him, but not in time. The spew spattered on the ground reaching the lower portion of the man's body. "My shoes! My fuckin' shoes!" The man kicked Akira in the shoulder, causing him to topple over. The moment that followed was awkwardly uneventful. There was an awful moment where nothing happened. Why?

Was there an opening somewhere within which he could escape? Had someone stumbled upon them? Akira ventured a look around. The men seemed to be silently conferring something amongst themselves. Akira settled back on his bottom, unable to hold his own weight. Suddenly, the men perked and looked towards the station. A train was pulling in. As the noise grew louder, the man with the gun fired at Akira and the bullet struck the pavement between Akira's legs, ricocheted off of the ground and shot through the fleshy underside of Akira's upper arm near his elbow.

It happened so suddenly that he had no time to react before it struck him. His arms flung up in front of his face and he registered the pain, along with the fact that he had almost been killed, a second or two later. Between the time the train pulled to a stop at the station until the moment it pulled off, Akira tried to ascertain his bearings. It felt like an eternity. Shock was seizing his sanity. For a moment, he wished it would come. He didn't want to be tortured to death, or beaten to death. He didn't want to stay there in his present state, cowering on the putrid alley ground as a helpless, sniveling wreck. He wasn't sure he wanted to live. Knowing that these vicious beasts walked the earth, he wasn't sure he wanted to make it out alive.

He felt his tongue sliding between his teeth; he felt them clamping down. He paused. He heard something echo within the walls of his mind. It was a voice. A familiar voice, one talking excitedly about something. Once the voice changed into a giggle, Akira realized that it was Hikaru's voice. It was so wonderful. And then, there was another voice. It was singing to him. He heard sloshing water. He felt warm and comfortable. There was a feeling of nostalgia as he realized that he was remembering a time when his mother used to bathe him as a very young child. It wasn't just that moment, but countless other moments flooding into him. The first official game he'd won, the heartache and the esteem of losing and winning; the emotions he felt whenever he played against Hikaru, his loving smile, the warmth of his body; learning about gardening from his mother, the bright, sincere light in her eyes, her voice soothing him back to sleep after having had a nightmare; the first time his father praised his GO; the first and only time he'd met his aunt Sayuri and all the correspondence they'd had since then as each other's favorite relatives; the moment Mrs. Shindo solidified within him how important it was to be true to himself, her wonderful cooking, her faithful and dear interactions with her only son, the desire to make himself a part of that family. He held onto the scenes flashing and voices echoing within the frame of every fiber of his being. He took them into his consciousness; held them dear; lost himself in them. Allowed them to subconsciously release himself from self-inflicted danger—he was not ready yet. Not _yet_.

As the train took off from the station, the realization sunk in that they would once again take the opportunity of being shielded by the noise to use the gun. His last memory of that moment was staring at the barrel of the gun and bracing himself for the worst; praying that he would survive, hearing a loud cracking noise followed by a fizzling noise; and then nothingness.

* * *

Hikaru was dressed to impress in a snazzy black tuxedo with a canary yellow tie and shiny black shoes. His mother wished him luck as he left the house early, hoping to further impress Akira by being on time. He drove to the designated restaurant and parked a few blocks away to avoid the valet charge. He hurried up to the door, where a doorman welcomed him and motioned him towards the maitre d', who introduced himself as Tsuzuki.

"I think there's a reservation," Hikaru said. "It should be for two, under Toya…?"

"Yes," Tsuzuki said. "Will you be waiting for the other member of your party, or are they here with you now?" Hikaru frowned slightly. Knowing Akira, he should have been there already.

"I thought he would be here by now, but I guess I'm early," Hikaru said. "So… I guess I'll have to wait for him?"

"Very good. This way to your seat."

"Thanks," Hikaru said. He followed Tsuzuki to a small booth close to a set of large picture windows that looked out over the Kanbara River. Hikaru settled in and pulled out his cell phone. He sent Akira a message to which he never received an answer. Time stretched on, and so he ordered an appetizer to keep the wait staff from giving him odd looks. After an hour, Hikaru excused himself from the table to go to the lobby and call Akira. He didn't answer his phone. Hikaru left him a voice mail, and then called Isumi.

"Hey, Shindo, what's going on?"

"Hey…have you heard from Akira?" Hikaru asked.

"No…" Isumi said slowly. "Why? What's up?"

"Well, we were supposed to meet for dinner, but he hasn't shown up…" Hikaru said.

"Are you sure you're at the right place?" Isumi asked.

"Well, yeah. I was on the reservation list."

"Oh…" Isumi said. "This is bad. There was a reservation? And Toya isn't there? How late is he?"

"It's been over an hour," Hikaru said, and in speaking those words, he felt panic begin to sneak up on him. "What should I do, Isumi?"

"Do you know how he was going to get there? Was he supposed to come from home, or what?"

"I think he was coming from home and taking the train," Hikaru said.

"Which line?" Hikaru told him the best possible choice for where the restaurant was located. "Okay… I'll look online and see if there are any major delays."

"T—thanks, Isumi."

"I'll call you back. Why don't you try checking the Institute? Maybe he got held up somehow, or maybe someone there saw him earlier."

"Ok, I will."

"Call you back soon, okay? And don't worry. I'm sure there's a very good explanation for this." Hikaru swallowed hard. He sure hoped so.

"Thanks, Isumi." He hung up and called the Institute.

"Yes, Toya-kun was here earlier," Amano explained. "He won his game, but I thought you would know something like that, Shindo."

"I was supposed to meet him tonight," Hikaru said. "But it's been over an hour, and Toya's never late anywhere. I was just wondering if he was there, or if anybody's seen him since this morning."

"Have you tried him at home?" Amano asked.

"Well, I don't usually call him at home, you know?" Hikaru said, careful to avoid the real issue. "So…I mean…"

"Well, I'm sure that he's out and about somewhere, though it is unusual for him to miss an appointment of any kind without telling anyone why… I'll try him at home."

"Oh, thank you so much," Hikaru said. "Um, Amano-san, don't tell them that he was planning to meet me. Can you just tell them that a friend is looking for him?"

"I…don't really understand, but okay. He's probably just being held up someplace, but he doesn't usually leave without telling his folks where he's off to. At least that's been my experience with him. Okay, I'll check now."

"Thanks, Amano-san."

* * *

Akiko received the call at around 10:10. She placed Amano on hold before she walked to Akira's room. She knocked on the door, and when no answer came, she opened it and looked inside. Everything was neatly made up as usual, but the room was emptier than she remembered it being. Frowning to herself, she returned to the phone.

"No, Akira isn't in at the moment."

"Mmm… I see."

"What is it, Amano-san?"

"Well, he was supposed to meet someone and they haven't seen him. They say they've been waiting for over an hour for him, and it's not like Toya to keep anyone waiting."

"No, it's not. Hold on for just a moment and I'll see if Koyo-san knows." Akiko went into her husband's den. Koyo was kneeling in the same perch he had been since that morning, his weathered face stony and unforgiving in its natural scowl. Akiko felt just by looking at his expression that she was intruding, but she had to ask.

"Anata…" she began. "Akira-san was supposed to meet someone tonight, but he's over an hour late. Did he tell you anything about tonight? Did you schedule something for him?"

"Whatever that _thing _decides to involve itself in has nothing to do with me. Perhaps if it gets a wake up call and snaps out of this phase, I'll concern myself with its matters, but until then, don't you bother me about it." Koyo spoke in a rasped monotone, almost mechanically. Akiko winced from his cold words, and retreated back to the phone.

"He…he hasn't heard anything about tonight," Akiko said. "Akira has been…acting unusual lately, so…perhaps this is just the teenager in him, you know? Acting up a little? We all went through that phase, you know?"

"It just seems so out of character."

"He'll…he'll turn up soon," Akiko said. "I know he will. He's probably just trying to make us worry. Hormones are a tricky thing." Akiko chuckled nervously. Where on earth was her son?

"Ah, I see… Yeah, it's probably that. Well, all right. I'm sure he'll turn up soon. Sorry to bother you, Toya-san."

"Oh, it was no bother…" Akiko said. "Thank you."

"Best of health to you. Good night."

"Good night, Amano-san." Akiko hung up and slowly lowered the phone. She covered her mouth with her hand and looked around, trying to decide her next step. Where was her son? How could she let silence be the ruling factor of her relationship with him? What if he didn't come home? How could she bear life if he never came home? Fear at his unknown whereabouts began to claw at her. She began placing calls to every spot that Akira frequented, and she soon sank into a spell of misery when not one of the people who answered had seen her son.

She brought herself into his room. Perhaps there was a clue to where he had gone: a note with an address, a telephone number, a webpage left open on the computer. As she stepped inside, she felt a chill come over her. It caused her to slow to a stop. Something was wrong. Something felt off. She moved toward the bed and looked over his desk. There was nothing. It was _too_ clean. She moved the mouse around only to discover that the computer had been turned off. She bent down to turn it on. It was the house computer before it had been moved into his room, and she used it on occasion. She would still be able to check the internet history to see if she could uncover anything.

While the computer booted up, she began to open the drawers underneath. Empty, save for a few disks and PC manuals. Where were the kifu and strategy guides he kept there? Quickly, she opened the bottommost drawer. Completely empty. Akiko brought a shaking hand to her mouth. No.

She sank down to look under the bed, where she knew he kept the books he read to fall asleep to, and most recently, the charger to a phone that she had discovered he'd gotten his hands on. Gone. The noise signaling that the computer had turned on sounded. When she looked at the screen, she realized quickly that it was prompting her to enter user information as though it had been restored to factory settings. She pulled the keyboard tray out. On top of the keyboard was a data backup disk. Uttering a wavering exhalation, she scurried over to the closet and opened the door. His clothes. The memory boxes he kept. All of his past school projects and works that he had kept. His awards. _Gone_.

Akiko stumbled back from the closet. She shook her head in disbelief, tears sprouting forth so quickly that she was blinded.

"Akira!" she gasped, chokingly. "No!" She ran from the room, hitting the door awkwardly, ignoring the pain in her knee. She went back to her husband's den and stood outside the door. She balled her fists and raised them. Paused. She shivered and sobbed as she pictured the man she had married, the man who had given her her most precious gift. The man who had caused him to disappear from her. She hadn't even been able to wish him off. Where was he now? How would she live without him?

Wildly, Akiko began to bang on the door.

"Where is he?!" she cried. "You bastard! What have you done?!" Why was it all so very wrong? Why had it come to that point? She sank against the door and sobbed.

There was no response from the inside. There was silence. The silence was killing her. She scraped her fingernails against the door, sobbing so harshly, she grew lightheaded from lack of oxygen. That was all that there had been in her home; just silence. She collapsed into a bawling heap on the floor. Her love. Her life. Her most dearest possession. Her reason for living.

There was none.


	17. Ray of Hope

**Summary**: A continuation to New Year's Eve at the Toya's. Hikaru and Akira begin their relationship, running into both foreseen and unexpected hardships along the way. Will they be able to maintain their love for each other in the wake of adversity?

**Disclaimer**: Hikaru no Go is written by Yumi Hotta and the animated series was created by Studio Pierrot. Please do not construe the writing of this fanfiction as a claim to ownership in any way.

_Brief Summary for Chapter 10, Human Nature, if unread: Akira is excited about his dinner with Hikaru. He secretly moves the last of his items into his new apartment. He dresses for dinner and heads out to the train. On the way, he encounters a gang of ne'er-do-wells who harass and assault him so much so that he loses consciousness._

_Meanwhile, Hikaru is waiting and waiting for him. He does not arrive to dinner. Worried, Hikaru places a few calls, Akiko coming to learn that Akira may be missing. She goes to his room only to discover that he has moved out without her knowledge. She is stricken with grief._

**A New Year, A New Life**

**11 – Ray of Hope**

Fujiwara-No-Sai drifted forward down the dark alleyway, approaching the disembodied spirit that knelt over the lifeless form it once inhabited. It was surrounded by a gentle, ethereal glow. Sai could feel many emotions emanating from the spirit, and as he drew near, the spirit perked and turned its upper body to see who was approaching. Sai lowered into a perch next to the spirit, and the spirit shifted towards him.

"Have you come…to take me away?" it asked. Sai smiled solemnly, and shook his head slowly.

"No, Toya. I have not."

"You know me?" Akira asked, facing him with a look of desperation. "Are you an ancestor of mine?"

"No," Sai said. "I am merely a spirit who exists in this world because I have not yet fulfilled my earthly duties."

"So then…I am the same?" Akira asked. Sai shook his head again.

"I should certainly hope not," he said. "There is…too much left on earth for you, Toya-kun. I know that…right now you think that all is lost, but it isn't. I have…felt for some time that something horrible would happen, but I never thought it would be this."

"How…do you know me?" Akira ventured to ask.

"I cannot say, but I do know this… When I died, it wasn't this way. I have seen this before. You are simply having an out-of-body experience, and you will be reunited with your body soon."

"R—really?" Akira asked, hope returning to his forlorn eyes. "You mean I…?"

"There is hope for you yet, Toya-kun. Just stay here with your body. Whatever you do, do not wonder off."

"I…I won't." Sai began to rise. Toya reached for him and held him by the wrist.

"Wait… What…what is your name?"

"I'm sorry, Toya-kun, but I cannot tell you." Toya's hold loosened. He lowered his hand and looked down at his body. Sai began to move away from him, but then he paused. "I think that you, Toya… I am glad to have met you…even if it was this way. I think that we will meet again, Toya, but I genuinely hope that it is not for many, many years. Not until you achieve that which you desire most… I hope that for both you, and for Hikaru." Akira's eyebrows sank as he watched Sai leave him.

"Are you…are you my guardian angel?" he asked, desperate for answers. "Did you protect me from death? I must know who you are." Sai stopped. He wanted so badly to reveal himself to Akira, but he couldn't bring himself to go that far. It was bad enough that he was contacting him this way. Deep down, Sai wanted to be acknowledged by Akira, and perhaps there was a way to do it without letting Akira know that he was _the_ Sai.

"I am someone…who desires to play the divine move, the same as you… I am GO…just as you are GO… Just as Hikaru is GO."

"Then you _are_ my guardian angel…" Akira said. "And…and this is my second chance…right?" Akira looked towards his body, becoming startled when a pool of light surrounded him. Its luminosity caused him to shield his eyes, and when it cleared, Akira's spirit had left Sai's range of perception. Sai felt relieved, and saddened at the same time. Akira was in such horrible shape, but he was alive. Sai just hoped that Akira would be able to come away from the experience stronger and more determined to enjoy life after realizing how easily it could be taken away from him.

* * *

Hikaru gave up waiting at 11:45, paid the bill for his food and walked out to his car. Isumi had called him back telling him that all of the trains were running on schedule and that he hadn't heard of any traffic accidents that would slow Akira down. Amano had called him and told him that not only was Akira not at home, but that he hadn't told his parents where he was going or when he'd be back. Hikaru was at a loss. Isumi told him to call the police, but they told him that only guardians could fill out missing person's reports and that, due to Akira being an adult, such a report could only be filed after a certain amount of time had gone by.

Distraught, Hikaru drove home to talk to his mother. She was in the living room watching television and folding clothes when he arrived. She stood up quickly when she heard Hikaru coming in. She was smiling, but her smile faded when she saw her son trudge into the living room.

"What happened, Hikaru-chan?" she asked. "Did it not go well?"

"Akira…Akira's missing," Hikaru said. Mrs. Shindo's expression crumbled. Hikaru hadn't seen her look so devastated since they found out that Hikaru's grandmother died.

"What do you mean he's missing?" she asked, and her tone demanded answers.

"He didn't show up tonight and no one knows where he is. I mean, we've been calling around all night. Nobody's heard from him." Hikaru shook his head and pulled his bangs back along his crown. He held back his tears as his mother hurried over to him and wrapped her arms around him.

"Have you called the police?" she asked.

"Yeah, but…they said I couldn't do anything because I was just his friend." Mrs. Shindo quickly let him go.

"Well, that's just not going to cut it," Mrs. Shindo said, visibly shaken. "I'll call. I'll call his parents and see if they called the police." She moved towards the phone in the foyer. Hikaru sunk down on the couch, rubbing along his temple.

Toya's mother answered the phone right away.

"Yes? Akira?" she asked, her voice frantic. Mrs. Shindo faltered, but soon spoke up.

"Hello, Toya-san, this is Hikaru's mother… I just heard about what happened."

"Are you going to rub it in my face that I've lost my child?" Akiko accused. Mrs. Shindo put a hand to her chest. She felt offended, but she had to realize that she was dealing with a mother who did not know the whereabouts of her only child. She couldn't blame her for her reactions.

"I only want to help. Have you called the police?"

"Don't meddle in our affairs. This is all your fault! If you and your son had've just kept out of our lives, this never would have happened. If you'd have just stopped kicking up dust and aggravating things like this! Just leave my family alone!"

"But we're concerned—" CLICK. Mrs. Shindo stared at the receiver as if it were some foreign object, the dial tone loud even though she had taken the phone away from her ear. She set the receiver down on its base and picked it up again. This time she called the police. She would make sure that someone would be actively searching for Akira before night's end.

* * *

Akira awoke in the dead of night to a constant ringing in his ears. It only took a few seconds before his body registered the excruciating pain stemming from his ribs, knees and head. His left arm was limp and he was covered in vomit, blood, feces and urine, the latter two of which were not his own. He was able to pull himself up into a sitting position, but then everything around him spun and he couldn't discern his bearings. His head beat with what felt like the combined pain of every single migraine his father had caused him since he had hit him. His breathing was shallow, but he willed himself to take slow deliberate breaths. Even breathing, he remembered, would make him feel better and help his body to function in the way that he needed it to.

Finally, he brought himself to his feet and looked out ahead of himself. He was still in the alley where he had been assaulted. He had been placed between two dumpsters, hidden by the shadows of the dark alleyway. He shuffled forward, limping on his right leg, for his left knee caused him only more pain when he tried to use that leg. He used the walls of the side of the train station to help propel him forward. When he reached the main street, he looked about himself.

Just about everything was closed, including the train station. It must have been way past midnight, but not quite five o'clock. It was much too desolate out for it to be any other span of time. Akira limped on throughout the empty streets, cowering in doorways whenever someone would appear, or whenever a car came rolling by. He managed to make it to the alley of his apartment, where he snuck in through the back door. He started towards the elevator and rode it up to the fifth floor.

He moved as fast as he could to the door of apartment 502 and he reached for his keys. His pockets were empty except for his keys, but those were what he needed most right now. If he had his phone, he could at least call Hikaru or Isumi for help, but he wouldn't dwell on that right now. He needed shelter first and foremost.

He let himself into the apartment, sank to the ground in front of the door and sobbed as heartily as his fatigued and battered body would allow. Still aching, eyesight blurred from lack of oxygen and gathered tears, he crawled towards his bathroom, stripping himself of his clothes along the way. Hanging over the side of the tub, he managed start a hot shower. He forced himself to withstand the piercing heat of the water. It began to soothe his muscles, ease his pain, and take the blood from off of his skin. With great difficulty, he attempted to wash himself. Finding it too much for him, he resolved to run a bath and let the water remove the filth from his body. He remained there until the water went cold and he began to shiver.

He forced his body up and out of the water. He went into his bedroom, grabbing a towel from the closet along the way. He dried himself, and then wrapped himself in the sheets that had come with the bed set. He placed himself on the futon and stared at the wall ahead of him. How he wished he could call Hikaru. How he wished he had his phone. Those fiends that had attacked him had probably stolen it along with his wallet. Akira's eyes teared, but he didn't have the energy to cry. He crumbled over onto the bedding and stared ahead at the wall until the pain and fatigue dragged him back into unconsciousness.

In his dream, he was seated on a bench in a picturesque landscape. It was so picture-perfect that Akira was sure it was not real. All of the colors of nature from the white clouds to the green grass were just too bold and bright. Everything was healthy and booming. Children were playing and adults were walking and chatting with one another. There was no present danger here, no fear and no paranoia. Everything and everyone coexisted peacefully.

There was someone seated next to him on the bench. It was a tall man dressed in the garments of Heian Era wealth. He had long, beautiful hair and pristine, porcelain skin. In his hands he held a fan, one much like the fan that Hikaru used in his games. This man was magnificent in every aspect of the word. Intrigued, Akira opened his posture to send a signal that he wouldn't mind being approached. The man looked over to him slowly, and smiled.

"Toya-kun," he said. "How do you feel?"

"I feel…fine," Akira said. "Do you…do you know me?"

"Yes, I do. Do you not remember the first time we met?" Akira shook his head.

"I'm sorry, I don't recall ever seeing you before."

"I understand," the man said. "It makes sense."

"Who are you? And where did you get those beautiful clothes?"

"These are mine," the man said. "Do you think they are beautiful?"

"They are," Akira said. He reached to touch the soft, cool fabric, and his interest piqued. "Where can I find clothing like this?" he asked.

"Well, I don't know," the man said with a sheepish smile. "In recent my years of walking the Earth, I have never seen anyone else wear these types of clothes."

"What…does that mean?" Akira asked. "Are you not of this world?"

"I am not." Akira's eyes saddened. He looked at the fan.

"It's peculiar," he said. "My frie— My boyfriend Hikaru has a fan that looks just like that one."

"Does he? Why?"

"I don't know why he got it, but he uses it when he plays."

"What does he play?"

"GO. We are both GO professionals here on Earth."

"Well, now that's intriguing," the man said. "I was a tutor to the emperor back when I once lived." Akira's demeanor brightened. Surely only the best GO players could ever hold such a title.

"We should play," he said. "We should go to a salon and play." The man nodded.

"I would like that very much," he said. Akira stood and so did the mysterious man. He followed Akira down the red brick path towards the forest where Akira was being pulled along by the thought that he would find a GO-ban.

Sure enough, there was a proper GO-ban with ke and ishi resting in a sunny patch of earth in a break in the trees. The man immediately sat himself down at the board and waited for Akira to join him. Anticipation began to simmer within Akira, and he hurried to take his place. The man smiled at him and they pulled and counted stones. The mysterious man was black. Akira had to hold his hands together to keep them from shaking.

"Onegashimasu," he said.

"Onegaishimasu."


	18. Recovery

**Summary**: A continuation to New Year's Eve at the Toya's. Hikaru and Akira begin their relationship, running into both foreseen and unexpected hardships along the way. Will they be able to maintain their love for each other in the wake of adversity?

**Disclaimer**: Hikaru no Go is written by Yumi Hotta and the animated series was created by Studio Pierrot. Please do not construe the writing of this fanfiction as a claim to ownership in any way.

**A New Year, A New Life**

**12 – Recovery**

It was six o' clock in the morning when the police contacted Mrs. Shindo. She and Hikaru were sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee just as they had been for hours. After she called the police, Mrs. Shindo urged Hikaru up from the couch and out the door. They drove around looking for Akira in places that Hikaru, Isumi, and Waya thought they would most likely find him. It was all for naught in the end. Akira never answered his phone, and no one heard from him by the time Hikaru and his mother returned home.

They were called into the police station, and Hikaru drove over with his mother. One of the investigating officers told them that they had found Akira's phone and wallet in an alley near a train station. They had also found evidence of an assault, but Akira's whereabouts were still unknown. The news only drug Hikaru and his mother further down into a spiral of depression. This was worse news than it was good, and so Hikaru refused to tell anyone about what the police had found.

Throughout the morning, he called out for Sai. Sai had been gone since the night before, leaving without any word of warning. Hikaru was all cried out by that hour; he felt empty inside. He wanted Sai to come back. He wanted Akira to be okay. He felt so powerless that he couldn't have his two closest companions near him no matter how hard he tried. No matter how hard he called.

They went back out to the car to wait. It was about seven thirty and Hikaru was starving. After sitting a while, he went across the street to a coffee shop and got a breakfast sandwich for both him and his mother. Mrs. Shindo attempted to eat it, but found that she couldn't. Hikaru was able to finish his small breakfast, though it was tasteless and unfulfilling.

"What was he doing all the way out there…?" Hikaru wondered aloud as they sat in his car. The windows were rolled down and a cool breeze was drifting in and out of the car. The weather was uncomfortably pleasant for their predicament. His mother shook her head slowly, thinking it over.

"It is pretty far from where he lives," she said. "And we didn't go out that far for the other places we tried…"

"Do you think we should stick around here?" Hikaru asked.

"Where else would we go?"

"Well, we could try looking around where the police found that stuff," Hikaru said. "I know that they're investigating over there, so if we're there and they find something, we'll know right away." Mrs. Shindo nodded, but didn't say anything. Hikaru started the car and began to drive to the alley where Akira's things had been found.

* * *

The game had progressed into mid-play. Akira was losing against his highly skilled opponent; his moves were solid and decisive, as if he was familiar with Akira's style and knew exactly the right steps to take to give Akira no chance of gaining ground. Akira's heart was beating with the spirited anticipation it had when he faced off against Hikaru. Akira saw a lot of Hikaru in this man, in the mysterious stranger that had graced his dream.

They hadn't spoken much since beginning their game. Akira wanted conversation, but was soon silenced after realizing just how great a foe he was up against. Instead, he concentrated on trying to make a stand with his moves, but even with the added concentration, he was still at a loss. Finally, he saw an opening, and he placed a stone at a critical juncture in the upper left hand corner. His opponent had to take a moment to stop and think before making his next move. If he did not choose his retaliation wisely, then he would risk Akira capturing key stones and lessening his lead. Akira took that moment to ask him questions.

"How do you know me?" he asked. The man lowered his fan and looked up at Akira.

"God has been kind to me," he said. "I have been granted a return to Earth and I have been following your games."

"I see… Are you really still so interested in GO?"

"Yes. I believe that…because my life revolved so much around GO and because it was ended before I could achieve the divine move, God has decided that I am not yet ready to pass over into his arms."

"Do you always visit GO players in their dreams?" Akira asked.

"Only those who…are teetering on the brink of death." The man's words were brunt, but his tone was not. Akira bit down on his lower lip. Was this the man's way of telling him that he was about to die? Impossible. He was fine. This was only a dream; he would wake up soon, and continue on with his life.

"Did you have to undergo a ritual?" Akira prodded. "In order to come here to Earth?"

"No," the man said. "From time to time, I am called upon by someone who just happens to touch a former possession of mine."

"Is that so?" Akira asked, fascinated. "Had I touched it?"

"No," the man said. "You didn't."

"I see… So how did you learn about me?"

"How could I not?" the man said. "Yours is a household name among the GO crowd."

"If you know of me, then surely you must know Shindo Hikaru." A peculiar smile came to the man's face, and he nodded once.

"I do," he said. And without warning, he made his next move.

* * *

The drive was taking an inexplicably long time. Hikaru felt as he did in his first driver's education road test, as if everyone on the road was moving impossibly slowly, and as if he would lose control of holding back the use of his lead foot if people didn't speed up a little. He was busy thinking about how he could quickly maneuver around a city bus when his cell phone went off in his pocket.

He took it out and quickly looked at the screen. The number was unknown, but given the circumstances, there was no way Hikaru wasn't going to answer. He flipped the phone open to receive the call.

"Yes, hello?" a woman with a thick foreign accent said before Hikaru could utter a sound. "Yes, Shindo Hikaru?"

"Yeah, that's me," Hikaru said, sitting up as the stress in the woman's voice made him tense.

"It's your friend, it's Toya Akira." Hikaru's stomach lurched along with the car. His mother bounced in her seat.

"Hikaru?" she asked timidly.

"What about Akira?" Hikaru demanded.

"You're the contact. He's there in apartment. He's hurt. I call police. You're the contact, Shindo Hikaru." The woman was in a panic. Her words ran together in a hurried jumble. Hikaru had a hard time understanding her.

"Who is this?" Hikaru asked. "Where are you? Where's Akira?"

"I'm building manager," the woman said, and she gave the address. Hikaru didn't quite catch it, but then she repeated herself word for word. "You're the contact," she said again. "He's hurt."

"Can you put him on the phone?"

"No, he don't wake up," the woman said. Hikaru's heart ceased to beat, causing a horrible tightness in his chest.

"For Christs' sake, is he breathing?!"

"Yes!" the woman shouted, catching Hikaru's panic. "Yes, he's breathing. He don't wake up."

"I'll be right there," Hikaru said, turning onto a side street.

"Yes," the woman said. And she hung up on him. He dropped his phone. There were too many emotions swirling through him, too many things he still didn't know. He wanted to get to Akira and hold him. Protect and save him from his pain. He had to get there, now. Once he reached the next parallel street over, he gunned it. Mrs. Shindo put a hand to her chest.

"Don't be reckless," she said. Hikaru ignored her. "I said slow down!" Mrs. Shindo hardly ever raised her voice at Hikaru. He glanced over to her and reluctantly slowed his pace. "What…what happened? Who was that woman on the phone? What about Akira?"

"This lady said Akira's unconscious in her building," Hikaru said.

"Oh, thank the gods," Mrs. Shindo said. "He's alive."

"She kept saying that he was hurt, though, ma…" His grip on the steering wheel tightened. "What…what if he's…?"

"Is it close?"

"We're almost there." Mrs. Shindo nodded.

"Everything's going to be okay," she breathed. "Everything's going to be fine." Hikaru took in a deep breath as if trying to absorb her optimism. He wasn't big on religion, but he said a prayer under his breath that Akira would overcome whatever trial he'd been dealt by whoever had decided to test him.

* * *

Akira's eyes were rimmed with tears. After a battle that seemed to rage for hours, he had to hang his head and resign. This mysterious man who had honored him by visiting his dream, the historical figure of wealth and prestige, the enigmatic enthusiast who once taught an emperor the ins and outs of Akira's reason for living had finally and wholeheartedly trounced him. It was the single, most glorious day in Akira's life.

In the beginning, it was obvious that the difference in their strength was vast; however, Akira was able to turn the tables in mid-game. It was often that they were both given pause, having to sit and consider and calculate their next moves. Anticipate the direction his opponent would take, and then decisively strike him down while he thought he had the upper hand. In the end, it was this man clad in beautiful silken clothes that was the victor. It was possibly the only time in Akira's life that his pride had not taken a blow; instead, he felt as if he had been made whole. As if in being able to play this game with this spirit, this god of GO, he had fit the last puzzle piece into place.

The humble and knowing smile the man wore only solidified all of the praise and all of the adoration that Akira had placed on him. He closed his fan and sat it aside. Akira watched him, wishing that there were words that could express what he felt at that very moment.

"Mister…" he said. "Please. You must tell me your name."

"I am sorry, Toya-kun," the man replied. "But you must not know my name. Even though we both desire that you know…"

"But why?" Akira asked. "You're…you're…" He clasped his hands together and pulled them to his chest. "Your GO…is the most magnificent GO. Greater than mine…greater than Hikaru's GO. What…what is your _name_?" The man seemed to become worn down by Akira's words. Akira had to know. Before he woke from this dream and reentered a world of pain and fear. Right now in this golden moment, he had to know who had become his savior. The man rose very slowly, and Akira had the sense that he would soon drift away from him. He tried to stand also, but he was grounded; unable to rise. "Tell me," he cried. "Tell me." The man was indeed drifting, floating further and further away.

"My name…" Fraught with desperation, Akira reached for him. "My name is…Fujiwara no Sai…"

* * *

Hikaru pulled onto the given street and came to an abrupt stop when his mother spotted the number. It was for an apartment on a nice street, a place Hikaru wouldn't expect to find Akira due to the circumstances. He put those thoughts behind him as he double parked and got out of the car. Mrs. Shindo followed him up to the door, which Hikaru opened without hesitation. He spotted an elevator across the hall, but there were a set of stairs to the left of them. He decided to take them instead.

Hikaru went to the fifth floor, assuming that that would be where apartment 502 was located. Sure enough, when he opened the door he saw that the apartment door was open. A short woman with orange hair was standing just outside of it.

"I'm Shindo," Hikaru said and the woman stood alert. "I'm Shindo Hikaru. Where is Akira?"

"Toya Akira, here," the woman said, opening the door quickly.

"Where are the police?" Mrs. Shindo asked. "Didn't you say you called the police?"

"Yes, yes," the woman said, stopping in the living room. "I call police."

"Still, take us to him," Mrs. Shindo said. "He's still here isn't he? Take us to him." The woman nodded and led them towards the left of the apartment. As Hikaru followed her across a narrow hall, a stench powerful enough to make him retch came over him. He looked down at what he considered to be the source, a discarded pile of clothing near the bathroom. They continued on to the bedroom where Akira's bruised and battered body was laying naked in a small pool of blood covered only by a set of sheets. And kneeling next to him looking solemn was none other than Sai himself.

"Sai…" Hikaru murmured. He looked down at Akira again, and hurried over to him. Akira stirred, but it didn't ease the shock Hikaru experienced at seeing his wounded form up close. He felt his knees go out and he sank to the ground. His sight blurred and he shook his head in disbelief. "'Kira…" He heard his mother's cry of anguish behind him. She collapsed onto the ground next to him, resting her weight on him. She held onto him tightly and she began to cry. It seemed like the most impossible of sights. To see Akira so vulnerable and so exposed. An overwhelming sense of failure and helplessness flowed through Hikaru's veins.

All of the time he'd spent just hoping that Akira was okay, the few hours he'd spent just wishing that Akira was still _alive_. All accumulating into this. Hikaru couldn't handle it. He couldn't stand the pain of knowing that Akira had gone through so much of it, and all alone. He couldn't imagine how frightened he must have been. How absolutely lost he must have felt, unable to call on anyone to help him. Fighting through all of that all alone. Hikaru took in a heavy gasp and tears crept down his cheeks.

"Akira…" he sobbed. He pulled a hand to his mouth; he felt suffocated by emotion. Akira tried to open his eyes, his expression tight with pain.

"Mmm…" he voiced. "Mmm…Hikaru?" Afraid to touch him, Hikaru reached for him, but his hand hovered over his body.

"Akira… Akira don't move." Akira's eyes opened and he tried to focus them on Hikaru.

"Oh…" he murmured. "Oh, Hikaru…"

"Akira, we've got to get you to the hospital," Hikaru said. Akira moved his hand closer and Hikaru took it within his. "Don't move," he said again.

"I'm fine," Akira said. His voice was hoarse. Hikaru shook his head.

"You're black and blue all over," he said. "And you're bleeding, Akira."

"I…I don't want trouble… I just want to stay here."

"But you're hurt…" Hikaru reached over and stroked his hair. "Look, the police'll be here any minute," he said. "You—"

"Police?" Akira gasped. His eyes had gone wide with fear. "No, no police."

"We have to get you to the hospital."

"Don't…don't get the police involved," Akira said.

"But you were attacked," Mrs. Shindo said, her voice wavering from the effort of crying. "You have to let the police investigate this and catch the person who hurt you."

"I…I can't bear that," Akira said. "Please, call the police and let them know that I'm all right."

"They won't just let it go, Akira, they're investigating," Hikaru said. "They have your phone and your wallet." Fear once again clouded Akira's face. His eyes were shifting back and forth without focusing, as if he was trying to think of a way out of something. Hikaru took out his phone and handed it to his mother. "Do it," he said. "Just tell them that we've got Akira at the hospital."

"No, I'll do it," Akira said, reaching to take it before Hikaru could respond. He pressed a few buttons on the phone and then set it to his ear. His face was pale, and looked worn and different in a way that Hikaru couldn't name, but that made his heart ache. Hikaru couldn't take it anymore. He settled next to Akira and held him close, careful not to squeeze too hard. "Yes, hello," Akira said. "My name is Toya Akira, I'm calling to… Oh, I see… Yes. No… Please, be assured, I'm fine. I understand… Well…I could tell you what's inside my wallet, and give you the pass code to the credit card case. Would that be sufficient?" Akira spoke with the officer a little longer, verifying each question he asked him. "Yes, thank you. That would be fine. I'll admit myself into NTT Medical Center soon, um, so I can meet you this evening. Thank you. Okay, I will. Thank you. Goodbye." Akira hung up the phone and sank his weight into Hikaru's body.

"Are you sure you're okay…?" Mrs. Shindo asked, watching him carefully. "You keep wincing as though it hurts all over."

"Yes, I'm fine," Akira said. "I'm sorry to have worried you." There was a noise at the door, and they all faced it to find the orange-haired woman looking at them, still panicked.

"I'll talk to her," Mrs. Shindo said. She got up from the floor and walked to the door, urging the woman to step away from the door. Hikaru wrapped Akira further in the sheet and prepared to lift him from the ground.

"What are you…" Akira paused to wince in pain, "…doing, Hikaru?" he asked.

"Taking you to the hospital," Hikaru said.

"What, like this?"

"You're _bleeding_, Akira and if you won't let the police take care of you, then I'll have to."

"But I'm naked," Akira said. "Help…help me to get dressed."

"What are you worried about clothes for?! You're covered in blood!"

"Hikaru…Hikaru please don't yell…" Akira murmured. Hikaru gently urged Akira's body up from the bed. His legs were shaking feebly. There was dried blood along the left side of his body and hair where his blood had pooled onto the bed. How could he say that he was fine being in that condition?

"We should call an ambulance…" he insisted.

"No," Akira said. "I don't want a scene, I don't want an ambulance to come. Please, help me to the bath. There are bandages in the medicine cabinet." Hikaru draped Akira's body within the sheets. Hikaru pulled him in close and hugged him again.

"Akira…" he murmured. "I was so scared…"

"I'm sorry that you," Akira winced, "had to go through all of that worry. I wanted to call you, but I didn't have my phone."

"The police have it." Akira nodded and allowed himself to be ushered across the room.

"Wait, then…does that… Does that mean that…?" Akira trailed off.

"What?" Hikaru asked.

"Nothing…" Akira said. "Your mother…said something about me being attacked…"

"The police found evidence of that where they found your stuff."

"I…I wasn't…" Akira said. They crossed the threshold into the bathroom. "I wasn't attacked."

"Then what happened to you?" Hikaru asked. "And how did you wind up here?"

"It…it was a hit and run…" Akira said. He eased himself down onto the ledge of the tub. "I was on my way to the train station when I…saw this grouping of cats." Akira examined the wound on its underside. It had stopped bleeding and had begun to heal. He reached over with his right arm to turn on the water. "I walked over to them in the alley, and I bent over to look at them. I wasn't in plain view when the car started down the alley and it startled me and when I looked up to see it, I was hit." Akira rubbed his forehead with his right hand as if it hurt to think. "I don't need the police involved," Akira said. "I'm just glad that I'm alive." Hikaru felt so relieved that he once again lost the feeling in his legs. He settled back against the sink and sighed.

"How did you wind up here?" Hikaru asked again. "What is this place?"

"This…this is…" Akira heaved a heavy sighed. "I didn't want to tell you like this, but this is our home." Hikaru's brow sank in confusion. "I've only just begun living here…and I was supposed to show you last night after dinner. My damn fascination with cats got the best of me. And now look at me." Akira looked up at Hikaru. "I have so much to tell you," he said. "But first, I just want to shower and bandage up. I don't want to wait in the ER with blood all over me and without any clothes." Akira pulled himself up and tugged Hikaru towards him. He kissed him on the side of the mouth.

"Do you need me to help you?"

"No… I did this last night… I'll be fine."

"Akira, why didn't you just ask anyone for help?" Hikaru asked. "You got home, why didn't you just knock on someone's door and ask for help?"

"I…I was covered in cat pee and excrement," Akira asked. "And I was bleeding and I…I didn't want to…"

"Akira, you were _hurt_," Hikaru stressed. "You have to put your ego aside and be seen like crap when you need help."

"I…I just can't," Akira said. "I can't. And I'm sorry. I know if I'd have gone to the hospital, everyone would have known that I was okay a lot sooner. I'm sorry." Hikaru kissed him on the cheek.

"I'm going to make some calls now," he said. "You shout if you need me." Akira nodded. Hikaru left the bathroom, but he didn't close the door all the way. Mrs. Shindo was talking with the orange-haired lady at the front door. After nodding, Mrs. Shindo closed the door behind the manager and sighed.

"How is Akira?" she asked.

"He's about to shower," Hikaru said. "Apparently, the whole thing was a hit and run."

"I…I know…" Mrs. Shindo said. "I heard that part." She looked around the living room. "Well," she said. "If…if I understood correctly…this…this is your new home." Hikaru's smile was stunted by his grief.

"Yeah," he said. "Akira's been doing all of this behind the scenes. I had no idea."

"It's nice," Mrs. Shindo said, looking around. Hikaru took that time to look around as well. It was a welcome distraction from the harshness of the situation. Mrs. Shindo went into the kitchen and looked through the cabinets. "He's already been shopping," she said. "Perhaps I should make something?"

"Nah," Hikaru said. "He can eat at the hospital. We don't know what they're going to do to him, so we should just wait." Mrs. Shindo nodded and continued to snoop. Hikaru spotted the album on the bookshelf. He walked over to it, grabbed it and opened it to look through it.

It was of Akira as a young child. It was surprising how many photographs contained images of Koyo and Ogata. Most of the photos were of GO related moments, but some were of leisure during travels. Akira had always been privileged. He was spoiled and had become a brat in his own way, but even with all that his parents had tried to give him, it was obvious that something was missing for him. Hikaru looked up to spot his mom, startled to see that both she and Sai were standing next to him. Hikaru handed her the album.

"He was so adorable," Mrs. Shindo said. She took the album over to the kotatsu and settled down to view it. Hikaru gave Sai a glare as Sai looked at him. Sai lowered his eyes, admonished.

_Where the hell have you been_, _Sai_? _And how were you here with Akira_? Sai shook his head, pleading for understanding with his expression.

_I_…_I knew that something horrible was going to happen_…

_Why did you say anything_?! _You've known where he's been this whole time_?

_Yes_, _but_…_I couldn't_, _Hikaru_. _He was so lost and in so much pain_… _I couldn't just leave him alone_. _His_…_his soul needed guidance_.

_His soul_? Hikaru asked. _What_…_does that mean_? _You_…_you_…

_I_…_spent_ _the time with him making sure that he realized how strong of a connection he had here on earth_. _Without that_, _I have seen many a spirit leave its body and lose its chance to return to life_. _I_…_I couldn't leave him_. _I had to make sure that he would come back to us_. Hikaru was shocked. It was a lot to digest at once.

_You talked to his soul_? Hikaru asked. Sai smiled somberly and nodded.

_Yes_.

_So he saw you_? Sai nodded again.

_Yes_. _And we played until he finally woke up again_.

_So he knows about you now_? Hikaru ventured. Sai nodded.

_Yes_. _He asked and_…_and I just didn't have the heart not to tell him_. _He doesn't know that I'm with you_, _though_, _Hikaru_.

_He's going to figure it out sooner or later_… Hikaru folded his arms. He thought about it a little longer. _You saved his life…_ _I can't even be mad_. _I was going to tell him soon_, _anyway_, _so I can't be mad_. _It was just really lousy of you to leave me_. _I really needed you_.

_Toya-kun needed me more_, Sai said. _I'm sorry_, _Hikaru_.

_Yeah_, _I know_… _It's okay_. Sai gave him the same sad smile. Hikaru pulled out his phone and decided that instead of calling, he'd just send a text to Waya and Isumi letting them know that Akira was okay. Hikaru went over to the bathroom and poked his head inside.

"How you doing?" he asked from the door.

"Hikaru, could you grab the bandages and the iodine."

"You have iodine?" Hikaru asked. "That shit burns like hell." Akira poked his head out from behind the curtain.

"Watch your mouth," he scolded. "I need a fresh towel, too. They're in the closet." Hikaru nodded and went out into the hall. He opened the only closed door he saw. Glad that it was the closet, he took out a towel and handed it to Akira. "Thank you." Hikaru nodded. He got the bandages and iodine, then returned to the closet. There were cotton balls on the second to last shelf, so he grabbed those too. Akira climbed out of the shower wrapped in his towel.

He limped into the bedroom and quickly grabbed some clothes from his suitcase. Hikaru sat facing the door while he slipped on his underwear and pants, but he helped him clean and bandage the cuts and scrapes on his upper body before Akira put on his shirt. Akira then returned to the bathroom and brushed his teeth. Mrs. Shindo meanwhile had set to the task of cleaning the messy foot prints Akira had tracked in with him.

"We're going to go to the hospital now, ma," Hikaru asked as he and Akira came into the living room. Mrs. Shindo was losing herself in her cleaning. She nodded distractedly and continued to scrub.

"Are you going to stay here, Shindo-san?" Akira asked.

"I…I just want to get this place a little cleaner," Mrs. Shindo said. Akira went into the kitchen and took a spare set of keys from the closest drawer at the island.

"These are to the apartment," he said. "If you want to leave, please lock the door and keep them with you." Mrs. Shindo nodded, but did not stop scrubbing. Akira looked at Hikaru, who shrugged. He held Akira's right hand as they left the apartment, and maintained that contact until they reached the car.


	19. Lesson Learned

**Summary**: A continuation to New Year's Eve at the Toya's. Hikaru and Akira begin their relationship, running into both foreseen and unexpected hardships along the way. Will they be able to maintain their love for each other in the wake of adversity?

**Disclaimer**: Hikaru no Go is written by Yumi Hotta and the animated series was created by Studio Pierrot. Please do not construe the writing of this fanfiction as a claim to ownership in any way.

**A New Year, A New Life**

**13 – Lesson Learned**

After Akira was admitted, he was examined, x-rayed and then taken to a room where they planned to keep him for observation. It was 6pm, and Hikaru was still by his side. Mrs. Shindo had stopped by during the late afternoon, but Akira had been asleep during that time. Akira hadn't spoken much during his stay. Even when an officer stopped by to verify his identity and then to release Akira's possessions, Akira was tightlipped about his accident. Hikaru was worried about him, but he figured that after he had some time to recuperate and he would be more forthcoming.

Hikaru was hungry. He hadn't eaten anything since that morning's sandwich. Akira was waiting on a dinner tray, and Hikaru wanted to be able to eat at the same time Akira would eat. Akira was laying on his side reading a book on ancient GO strategies, which had been the only thing Akira wanted Mrs. Shindo to bring for him when she visited. Hikaru stood up and stretched. Akira watched him warily, pulling himself up into a sitting position when Hikaru grabbed his jacket.

"Where are you going?" he asked, sounding desperate.

"I'm just going to go grab a bite. I wanna eat with you, okay?" Akira nodded, but then lowered his eyes.

"How long will you be?" he asked.

"I dunno, ten minutes?" Akira looked unhappy with that.

"Ten…?" he asked. Hikaru leaned over him and kissed his forehead.

"Yeah. I won't be long, babe. Just relax and read your book. I'll see you in a minute." Akira nodded, and watched Hikaru until he left the room. Hikaru first went to the bathroom to relieve himself, then he headed down to the canteen. He got lost once before an employee sent him in the right direction. Hikaru looked around at all the choices and decided to grab some rice with beef and gravy along with steamed broccoli, a bag of chips, a few gourmet cookies and a bottle of orange juice. The woman gave him a tray, and Hikaru took it with him back up to Akira's room. Akira was sitting up waiting for him, and looked relieved when he saw him come in.

"What took you so long?" he asked.

"Don't be so antsy, 'Kira," Hikaru said. He went over to his chair and sat down, sitting his tray on the table behind him. Akira was still watching him. Hikaru opened his chips and started eating them. "You hungry?"

"N—no…" Akira said. He sat his book aside and raked his fingers through his hair. "Hikaru…I want to talk to you about something."

"What's up?" Hikaru mumbled around a mouthful of chips.

"While…while I was unconscious…I met this…spirit. I think…I think he was a guardian angel. He said that… He said that he knew you, Hikaru."

"Yeah…" Hikaru said, nodding. "…yeah."

"But he said that…he could only meet people who were unconscious, or people that touched a possession of his?"

"Yeah," Hikaru said. "It was an old GO-board in my grandpa's attic."

"Really?" Akira asked. Hikaru nodded again.

"Yeah," he said. He tilted his head from side to side. "'Kira…this is kinda a tricky subject. I don't wanna talk about it in the hospital…"

"I…I think I already know," Akira said. "I just wanted…you to tell me if I'm right."

"We'll talk about it when we get home. It's… Remember I said I'd tell you someday…? I'm just not all that ready yet." Akira rubbed his lips together.

"I see…" There was a knock at the door. Akira looked at Hikaru quickly.

"Can you answer that?" he asked.

"Answer it? It's not locked."

"Just…receive them for me. Please?" Hikaru got up from the chair and went over to the door. He opened the door to Toyas Koyo and Akiko. Hikaru quickly lowered his bag of chips and stepped out of the way. Akira stiffened as Akiko hurried into the room. She looked devastated beyond compare. Koyo gave Hikaru a dismissive motion with his head as he entered the room. Hikaru looked over to Akira who was looking at Hikaru as if he needed to be saved. Hikaru shrugged because he didn't know what he could do. He moved towards the door.

"Stop," Akira said, his voice shaking, but forceful. "Where are you going?" Hikaru turned to him.

"I…I don't think I should be here… Your parents want to talk to you, so…"

"No," Akira said. "I'm here by my own volition, Hikaru. I signed myself in. _My_ insurance is paying for this, not theirs. I can have whomever I want in here." Hikaru looked towards Koyo, who, to say the least, was displeased by Akira's words. "Come here, come sit back down." Hikaru inched around the Toyas and placed himself back into his armchair. He sat his chips aside. Akira looked at his parents. Akiko was at his side and Koyo was at the foot of the bed. Akiko was looking at Akira with hurt and sadness, but Koyo's eyes were distracted. He seemed to be sizing up Akira's injuries instead of being upset that he had them. Then, his gaze shot over to Hikaru's. Hikaru swallowed hard.

"Akira, we were so worried," Akiko sobbed.

"I don't understand why you're here," Akira said. "I sent word that I was all right…"

"Your father insisted that that just couldn't be right," Akiko said, shaking her head. "And…and he was right. I'm so sorry, Akira. I'm so sorry that we weren't there to protect you."

"I'm not," Koyo said, stonily. "Because he needed to learn this lesson, that this is what happens when he disobeys his family and he chooses to do wrong and not right." Hikaru's mouth hung open. How unfeeling could this guy get? Akira's face showed confusion instead of hurt. He started to speak, but then he closed his mouth. "It is time for you to redeem yourself, Akira. Ask for forgiveness. Renounce this disgusting life and I'll reconsider allowing you to be part of the family again." Akira was digesting his words. He shook his head slightly, still confused by something.

"I was hit by a car," he said slowly. "In an alleyway. What does that have to do with learning a lesson and renouncing my love for Hikaru?" Koyo looked as if he'd just been told some unexpected news. He now began to process Akira's words, and they stared at each other as if the other had secrets that needed to be uncovered before either knew their next move. Akira was first to break eye contact. He looked over to Hikaru. "Do you remember your surprise?" he asked. "It is very important that you don't mention it to anyone without my permission."

"Okay…" A canteen worker opened the door after a brief knock. He walked in with a tray on one arm.

"Knock knock, dinner call," he said. He went over to Akira's bed and pulled the table out of the frame. He set the tray on top and moved it towards Akira.

"Thank you…" Akira said. Completely disregarding the awkwardness of the situation, the man proceeded to tell Akira what he had for dinner and what he should do with the tray when he was done. Then he excused himself. Akira moved the table aside and looked at his parents. "Right now," he said. "I'm not feeling well. I just want to eat my dinner in peace. This hospital stay isn't costing either of you a penny, and so I do not have to do anything that I do not want to. I…I don't know what my next move is, but I need some time to think things through."

"You think that us leaving you with _him_ is going to help you to make the right decisions?" Koyo asked.

"Yes, I do. There are things I need to discuss with him, and things I need to discuss with you. But I can't do it with you both in the same room. I'm tired and I'm hungry… Visiting is over in an hour. I just want to eat and go to sleep, and I want Hikaru to be here so I can talk to him."

"We're your parents," Akiko gasped. Her body was shaking with the severity of her sobs. "You've moved out, we don't even have a number for you. I… Son…" Her desperate and strained tone of voice made Hikaru feel for her. He wished Akira hadn't asked him to stay.

"Don't argue with him," Koyo said. "I'm giving you one last chance Akira. One. When you're ready to plead your case, you let me know. But until then, you're as good as dead to me." Koyo stalked out of the room. Akiko let out a heavy sob.

"I…I don't know what's gotten into your father," she cried. "I just don't know. I don't feel that way, Akira-chan. I love you. I'm worried about you, you know that."

"Akiko!" Koyo called from the door. "We're leaving." Akiko shook her head.

"I'll…I'll be back in the morning," she said quietly. She walked towards her husband and left with a saddened glance back at Akira. Koyo closed the door noisily. Akira tugged his tray closer, removed the covers on the containers and began to nibble on his dinner. Hikaru followed his lead and they ate quietly together for about half of their meals. It wasn't that Hikaru didn't have anything he wanted to say. He just had no idea how to say it. Suddenly, Akira moved his tray aside and looked over to Hikaru.

"Sweetheart…" he said. Hikaru perked. Akira had never given him a pet name before. He hoped the news would be good.

"Y—yeah…?"

"Listen…there's something we need to discuss before…we move on…" Hikaru felt ill at hearing those words. He, too, sat his food aside. He stood and stepped over to the bed. Slowly, he reached up and took hold of Akira's closest hand. He squeezed it and caressed it gently with both hands.

"What is it, Akira?" he asked carefully. Akira looked up at his hand, and then into his eyes.

"I need you to understand something…" he said. "Because right now, I need to know that you and I are going to continue this relationship with the same intentions."

"Okay… Go…go on, Akira."

"I don't want you to be nervous…" Akira said. "This should be a positive moment for us both. I am confident that…you and I share the same dream." Hikaru nodded, but he remained nervous.

"Well…what do you want me to know?"

"I would do anything for you, Hikaru," Akira said. "No matter what happens…no matter what obstacles. I will never hide my love for you, or pretend that I don't care for you with all of my heart. All I can ever offer you from this moment on is my everything. No matter what danger I may face, I will risk my life to be with you, and maintain my love for you. I would sacrifice everything, because you mean the world to me…and losing you would be the greatest hardship that I can ever imagine going through."

"I…I would, too, Akira… I mean, after all this… I mean, I was just so devastated. I know that…there's ma and there's GO and there's my friends and everything, but…it's like…when I didn't know where you were it was like… It was just like the life had been drawn out of me and even the thought that… Even the thought that you were gone…" Hikaru choked on his words and looked away. "I don't wanna be here without you…" he said, his eyes shut tight to keep back the tears. "I don't wanna do this without you, Kira." Akira pulled Hikaru's hands towards his mouth and kissed them.

"I…I believe you…" he said. "I believe that…you and I share the same dream…" Tears crept from behind Hikaru's eyelids and down his cheeks. Akira reached up with his free hand, gripped Hikaru's shirt lapel and pulled him forward. He kissed him gently on the lips and rested their cheeks together.

"Hikaru?"

"Yeah?"

"I can't wait…to build my life with you…"

"I can't wait either, 'Kira…" Hikaru said. He gave a weak chuckle. "I can't wait."

"I wish you could stay with me, tonight."

"I wish I could, too, but…" he sniffed, "…I don't think they'll keep you for very long… You're doing great, I mean… You didn't break anything, and you're healing good. I just want to go home with you. I just want to take you home." Akira nudged him with his nose and kissed him again.

"After I speak with father…" he said. "…things should become a little clearer for me, but I don't want you to involve yourself with that, okay? Don't ask about it because…I will tell you everything you need to know. Do you trust me?"

"Of course," Hikaru said. "Of course I trust you."

"Good…" Akira urged his hand loose and leaned back to look Hikaru in the eye. "I don't mean to make you leave your parents' home before you are ready," he said. "I'll understand if the transition takes some time." He cupped Hikaru's face within his hands. "But just be certain that you can treat it as your home. I…I would like you to move in with me…but…I would understand if you're not ready for that just yet."

"We'll take it day by day," Hikaru said. "We'll see how things go." Akira nodded and pulled him in for another kiss.

"Do you…know what I would like?"

"What's that, Akira?"

"I…would like another game with Sai."

"What…what makes you think I can do that?" Hikaru asked.

"Because…I know… I know that…he is the other person that I have seen within you, Hikaru, and I would like another game. He has been the only other person that I have played with that I have felt so alive in being able to face… He's the only person besides you, Hikaru. The both of you…have made my life so complete… I…I just know that he exists within you. He is my savior and I want to be able to communicate with him… Do you think…that that would be all right?" Hikaru swallowed hard. Akira was too astute for his own good, but that was nothing new. Hikaru nodded, finally feeling Sai's, who had been sulking in the corners of his mind since they arrived at the hospital, emotion change towards the better.

"Sai would love that," he said. "And…and so would I, Akira." Akira smiled, his features so unbelievably beautiful that Hikaru felt a tug at his heart. "I love the living daylights out of you," he said. Akira gave a brief chuckle.

"Assuming that that is a good thing, sweetheart, I do too." Hikaru hugged him and dug his face into his neck, cuddling close, relieved in knowing that Akira was fully his, and that a life of beauty and dedication lay ahead for them.


End file.
